How/When to let a friendship go?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@asianbarbie:  Simply stop talking to her. If you already committed to attending her wedding, either still go or think up a good excuse not to.

Do not try to have some sit-down, friendship “breakup” talk. As someone who has been on the end of those a few times, they are *beyond* annoying…just don’t talk to me anymore.

It isnt a reflection on her character that after 20+ years she’s a different person.

 

Post # 4
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

She lives 2000 miles away.  Just keep it short and polite when you talk, and don’t initate contact.  The friendship will peter out naturally.

Post # 6
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@asianbarbie:  “To me our friendship is strained and I’m over it.”

 

It sounds to me like you’re ready for this to be over. If you are not comfortable with confrontation, then simply take small steps to back away from the relationship. With 2,000 miles between you, time and distance will help the friendship run its intended course.

 

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@badabing88:  +1. Friendships don’t need a break-up talk. She gets one day, not a whole month. Brides sometimes forget that life will keep moving just because they are getting married. Other people will get married too, they will have babies, they will have parties, and they will have priorities that are not your wedding (to which they are entitled to have!). I agree that you just cease contact with her.

People change with every new life phase – some friendships adapt, and some end.

Post # 8
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a similar issue and I’m very interested to know people’s views. I don’t think just stopping talking to them is an option. Imagine its a relationship you  don’t want to be in anymore. Noone would suggest the way to get out of it is to just ignore them till they get the hint and friendships can be far longer than relationships.

My “friend” calls me about once a month and the guilt kills me a biteverytime I ignore her call but I do it because I don’t know how to explain that I don’t like the person she’s become. I think it is much harder to dump a friend than dump a boyfriend.

I want to say, tell her its run its course, but then I haven’t been able to do that myself so that is terrible advice. 

Sorry, this isn’t helpful, I don’t know, but if you find a way, do let meknow.

Post # 9
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My mom always said it’s time to let a friendship go when it is more work than it is fun.  This sounds like it’s more work than it is fun.  Simply stop communicating with her, there is no reason you need to be friends with this person.

Post # 10
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If her friendship is toxic, then cut it loose. I’ve had a few friendships that were like that. I cut them loose, and my life was better without them.

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You see I do think that you can actually let friendships die away when they’ve sadly run their course. What tends to happen is that you make fewer calls, speak less often and then gradually, over time, contact ceases. It’s not a nice situation but sometimes over the years you discover that you simply don’t have enough in common. It’s only happened to me a couple of times – in each case friends from high school days – and there’s been no drama or dramatic “I’m not your friend anymore” statements, just an eventual fading away. 

Post # 13
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I went through a toxic friendship situation too, and what really sealed the deal for me was when I asked myself “Why am I taking this from her?” I realized that had it been anyone else (another friend, a partner, a family member) I wouldn’t be ok with being treated this way, and I shouldn’t be ok with it from her either. She was an intimidating person, and I think I was scared of making her angry, if that makes sense. However, since cutting her from my life entirely, 100% (no contact for 3.5 years now) I can honestly say I don’t miss her. I don’t hope bad things for her, but that’s the extent of her crossing my mind.

However, I did actually “friend break up” with her, because I felt she needed to know the truth. I sent her an email outlining everything that had been going on, calling her on some of the lies she’d been telling, and other hurtful things she’d said. I never heard back from her, but at least I got to say what I needed to. (Normally I wouldn’t even suggest writing something like that down, but she was the kind of person who never stopped talking long enough to hear the other person, and I wanted to actually say what I needed to.)

If you’re feeling exhausted, negative, anxious, or drained, let her go. A friendship is a two-way street. You’re not her personal pinata. If you’re not comfortable expressing your feelings, then just stop answering your phone/texts/email/etc. Eventually she’ll get the hint.

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