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Ok, this isn't about who could make snap decisions once in your room at the hospital or whatever--legally it's your husband anyways. It's about who gets a phone call asking which hospital you want to go to. Hubby should be the one to be notified, and he can tell them whatever hospital you've specified before, and he can be the one to call mom.
Don't worry too much. If it is an emergency, he's going to want the best for you, laid back or not!
I've already changed it to my fiance. I think I changed it when we moved in together nearly three years ago (and we've been engaged for a year and a half, getting married in 3 months). Because he's my partner now, it seems right for him to be it for me - it's a bit like symbolically establishing the new partnership! I know what you mean though, because I thought about it a lot at first. If you're really concerned, I would just talk to him about it, and let him know how you feel and how you hope he would respond! I am sure if (god forbid!) anything ever came up, he would honor your wishes!
Why don't you talk to your husband about this? Chances are in an emergency situation he would react differently than you think. Does your mom live nearby? Because it's not really feasible for your mom to make decisions if you are in the hospital and your hudband is there. His hands would be tied.
I figure when I got married, my husband assumed "responsibility" of me. i am no longer my parents' ward; i'm his. As his wife, I'd be incredibly insulted if he picked his mom over me. In fact, I'd be livid!
As much as your mom gives you security, your husband now has to fulfill that role I think. It's a weird transition, though. My mom is sending me paperwork in the mail as we speak for me to name DH as my attorney or whatever in charge of all decisions if i am rendered incapable, but i'm listing my mom or dad as my second choice. It'll be awkward--i have to talk to DH about what quality of life I want, when I want the tubes pulled, all that stuff.
I second this, my FI is SUPER laid back, but anytime there's an emergency, he flips into a different mode, and has my back like all get out. I had to go to the hospital awhile back, and they pumped me full of morphine and THEN asked me all these questions, and I was having trouble forming a coherent string of words, and he jumped on it and did everything.
He needs to get the first call. You can trust him to get you to the right place, AND call your mother.
I also wouldn't worry to much about this. Usually in my case, I have had the option to list two emergency contacts, so I do list my hubby and my Mom. I am sure if you really want to you can list both to ease your mind.
But as Labor mentioned, this is really for the first person to take the call. Most decisions will be made by your hubby whether your mom is the contact or not.
I have also thought about this a bit and think that I will be changing mine to my husband once it is official. Is your mom local? My mom still lives in Florida so while I know she will ask doctors 3000 questions-super paranoid and over protective, I feel like the distance is more of a problem for me than the differences in personality.
It should definetly be your husband. That is the person they call to say that something happened and that you are going to the hospital, not the one that the doctor talks to at the hospital. Plus, if your mom doesn't live nearby, it would be easier to have your husband as an emergency contact and then he can let your mom know what is going on!
I really wasn't thnking about the difference bewteen getting first notification and making all final medical decisions. I feel so much better about this now, thanks. I can't wait to change my forms now!
Regarding the "making all final medical decisions..." I would highly recommend that you sit down with you FH and discuss what you would and wouldn't want done in the event of a major medical emergency. I don't suggest this to be morbid, but so that way he can make the decisions you would want to make if you could. You don't have to go through every scenario that could possible happen, just in general. Would you want to be hooked up to a ventilator for years if you lack brain function? etc. etc.
M is my emergency contact as well as my Mom :D. Since I have been in B R though when I got my job here a few years ago, I tried to list Mom as an emergency contact and they asked if I had anyone local so I listed him and it's pretty much been that way with everything. We tease each other about our wedding and say "well I cannot knock you off yet I'm not the beneficiary... now that we're getting married we say, gotta wait until you're worth a billion, then I'll knock you off" it's an inside joke that no one understands but us, but we think is hilarious. with all that being said, yes M is my emergency contact.
To be honest I'm probably going to list my mom until my FI cleans up his act phone-wise for a while. He SUCKS to get a hold of. At work he's always in meetings, his cell is always on vibrate, and he lets it die at least once/week. If I was in an accident and I wanted people to know about it, I wouldn't call him! lol. He'd figure it out once he got home, saw I wasn't there, and thought to check his phone.
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I've always listed my mother as my emergency contact on any medical or other forms that require a contact. Now that I'm getting married I assumed I would change the contact to my husband to be - but I'm feeling a little hesitant. I love my FH and can't wait to marry him. But quite frankly, in an emergency medical situation, I think my mom would do better! My FH is just a little more laid back than my family in these situations, and would probably defer to the doctors to a great deal. Whereas my mother would act more like I would and ask a million questions, get all of specialists; opinions and options before making any decisions. But at the same time, I just don't like the idea of having my mom instead of my husband listed as my emergency contact - it makes me feel like I'm not an adult somehow. I know my FH could always call my mother in an emergency, but it doesn't give me the same security as having my mom contacted first.) Anyone else wrestle with this? Or am I the only one this neurotic!!!