(Closed) Hubby failed in his last attempt with MIL

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Awww, that sucks. What a bitch!! all I can say is, stand your ground, and let her come to you.  If he really pulls away from her, and she really believes he will continue to until she makes amends with you, maybe she will get over her self and actually do that.  Its good he is sticking up for you, and as much as it hurts, that woman is way too toxic to have to deal with. Sometimes, tough love is the only thing that works. ((HUGS))

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Hit submit too soon…

We haven’t spoken to hubs mom in almost a year.  She is an alcoholic, and while she’s not violent or crazy, she also only called hubs when something was wrong with her car, or she needed him for something. She did the same things your MIL is doing, blaming him for never calling her, and finally he had had enough. He told her until she stopped drinking and popping pills, he was done with her and didn’t want to speak to her anymore. We were no longer going to stand around and watch her kill herself, when all’s she needs to do is ask for help and mean it and we will all help. Its really sad, cuz she is missing watching her grandchildren (our niece and nephews) grow up, all because she can’t get over her addiction.

I don’t really know what will happen in the future. I told hubs that if he wants to see her or talk to her, that’s fine, but I refuse to. And he feels the same way. She loves me,and I know if alchohol hadn’t eaten her brain as badly as it has, then we would get along great. But now, she doesn’t speak to anyone from his family, not even her brother (who is a recovering alcoholic, and could help her get clean like he did. Their whole family is riddled with alcoholism). We have all offered to help, but she doesn’t think she has a problem

Post # 6
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I don’t think you realize it but you just hit the MIL lottery.  She seems like a complete bitch, your husband sees her for what she is, and it looks like you aren’t going to have to deal with her in your life.  Why ask why?  Just be thankful.

Post # 8
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awww boo what a biotch. He’s right, there is nothign more you two can do. Let her see her mistakes and let her come to you. And when she does, I wouldn’t be sitting there with open arms if I were you. She needs to earn it, and that should take some time.

Post # 9
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Just_Squeeze: It really is.  Thankfully, FIL’s fiance is amazing, and totally makes up for it! If you ever see me posting about my MIL, its about her, not hubs mother.  She has been the saving grace for SIL, who had a really hard time with not speaking to her mom, and always being disappointed by her. So now, she turns to me and MIL, and things have gotten a lot better.  We are all united in the fact that until his mom asks for help, she is cut of, in hopes that she will realize its her fault, not anything we have done.  So far, it hasn’t, but hopefully in the future, it will. Until then, we will just carry on, always with a heavy heart, but thankful that at least we are all happy, healthy, and love being around each other without drama from his mom.  MIL is so anti drama, and she is a great friend. 

Its a challenge, and it will be tough for a while, but your hubs is doing the right thing. Hopefully she will come around, but if not, there are other family members you can share your life with.  It will help bring you closer together

Post # 10
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Just_Squeeze: We haven’t talked to our MIL for the same amount of time! haha! Well thats not funny but it is at the same time. For about the same reason! My FI told her she had to come visit me (two hours away, we normally go to them) and work out whatever problems she has with me. She has not contacted me at all. His dad will call and ask if we will come visit them and he always has to say not till his mom works it out with me first. She’s told him its “disrespectful” to ask her to come to me. She says her problem is a “family” problem and she needs both her children and her husband to work it out– I think she’s just looking for backup (which she doesn’t have anyway so the idea is stupid) and she’s a coward. She told him on FB “Happy Birthday. Hope you have a great life” Ah, I guess that means goodbye? So not having to talk to me is worth giving up a son and grandchildren… she also drinks, but thats another story.

I do feel bad about a wedge being between my FI and his mother. I do feel responsible for it at times, but the truth is I’m *not* and neither are you. You cannot fix this. Thats hard to accept but its true- you can NOT fix this, because your MIL wants it to be broken. It takes two people to mend something. If she isn’t willing to mend the relationship then your hubby is better off without her, because she will only continue to hurt him in the future. Its hard. I so get that.

Post # 11
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

My advice – cut their toxic presence out of your life. Period. You should not be attempting to patch things up/placate them. If your FI wants to try to talk to them, it should be on the condition that they will be respectful and decent to you.

I grew up in a family where the in-laws HATED my mom with a passion. It has practically destroyed my parents’ marriage – my dad always thinking he could make it better with his parents and not standing up to them/for my mom. I can’t tell you how much it ruined of our childhood. The grandparents were not invited to the wedding and now I hear they are going around town blaming my mother for turning me against them. Nope, that was allllll me. No way were those a$$holes going to be allowed to ruin another event in my life.

Stand your ground together. Do it now or you’ll be dealing with this for as long as they are still alive.

Post # 12
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I hope things get better for you soon. 

Post # 15
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry hunny!  You seem like one of the sweetest people I’ve had the pleasure to cyber-meet in a long time.

I don’t have any advice as I am a much more drastic person in situations like this and I fear my advice is not good.

I’m here for support if you want. Anytime.

T.

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