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((HUGS)) did he have a bad experience or something like that as a child? M doesn't like it either and only has one for the kids and i and when he sees the way our faces light up because of it he's okay...
Aww, could you get one of the cute little table top ones that are 2 to 3 feet? Granted, I've always had fake trees and I don't know if "real" ones come in this size the way the fake ones do, but that should give you the smell and be a little bit of a compromise. :)
Aww, I'm sorry he's fighting getting a tree :( Maybe I'm a bad wife, but I just might go out to get one myself just so I could get my way! j/k
Really, though, this sounds like it's soemthing that really means a lot to you, so it sounds like you need to have a serious talk with him to see if you can help him understand why having one is so important to you and see if that helps your cause.
Mr. Pudding is like you: he loves a fresh Christmas tree. My family has always had a fake, so I try to make a case for plastic every year. I always end up giving in, and even though I enjoy the smell, I hate the clean up! Maybe a little plastic tree like smokipenelope suggested would help you feel more of the holiday spirit?
Get one anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can suck it up :P Seriously, you have right to the tree that will make you happy :) And he needs to respect it...or deal with it, whichever!
I'm atheist and I STILL have to have the decorated tree, lol
But FI and I don't keep a tree here because we live 20 minutes from my parent's house and spend most of the holiday there- we do a big family tree there (13 foot full tree with all antique ornaments we've been collecting for years and years- HUGE tradition in my family! :) There's just no point in us having one, because it would spend lonely nights here all by itself, and that's no way for a Christmas tree to live ^_^
the only "bad" experience he's had is not having the experience at all. His family didn't do Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or anything. Our kids most definitely will. I don't want to go behind his back (and I'm not sure I could set one up myself heh), but if we had kids I most definitely would. I do find it important even if he doesn't. We got one of those mini ones last year from Trader Joe's, but it's SO not the same. It doesn't smell nice at all :( I would be willing to compromise on a fake one, even though they're more expensive at first, since we could at least use it year after year, but idk. He does this thing when I'm talking to him that he rubs his head like I'm just a giant headache or something. Eventually he said, in a not so friendly tone that we can get one as long as it's under $70. The one I showed him online was $43 and he saw that! Ugh. I'll try talking to him later maybe, but he's got some certification training the next two days that he's kinda stressed about so I don't want to push it that much. That's not why he's so anti-Christmas tree though. Any time I've brought it up he's dragged his feet about discussing it. He just doesn't see it as important and thinks it's a waste of money.
@Arineya- We're not religious either, but I still want to get into the holiday spirit! I can't even put up window clings! Absolutely nobody would see it outside cause we face a brick wall basically (apartment building), our curtains are never open so WE wouldn't see them (blinds and nice curtains are another thing I want to get so we can see the light of day every now and then), and there just isn't really much else decorating in an apartment you can do! We could do a floor mat or wreath maybe, but being in NYC idk if other apartment tenants would steal it... Otherwise I could totally settle for a real fragrent wreath or something. Maybe if I put it inside, idk. They cost basically as much as a small tree anyway, but maybe he'd find it less intrusive? idk
My FH is not anti christmas but very bahumbug..... He dislikes christmas it gets him down i dunno why i think it is because he is usually alone and all the stuff that he sees at work this time of year..
Honestly i have found that bargaining and the use of special little treats gets me anything i want LOL now now you know we all do this... I told my man but baby wouldnt i look so good under that tree with a bow on LOL..... I ended up getting to put up 3 christmas trees he bought me a cute 3ft pink one we saw and i liked and suprised me with it. He even helped me put it up and haha i got it up already yup even before thanksgiving!
Seriously use the bargaining tools you got... try to make christmas time and putting up the tree a fun time for him and maybe he wont see it as such a bad thing
Ok, so, it's settled. Small christmas tree, but a real wreath, and I'm gonna try some various other decorations, like good old fashioned paper snowflakes (and I'll throw some glitter on them as well lol). This apartment WILL be Christmas-afied with or without his participation (though I will be sure to have his approval. totally don't want to go behind his back cause then he'd get mad and once again it would just suck all the fun out). There will be Christmas at the Joe'ses :p I know, it's totally lame and superficial; there can be Christmas without all that stuff, but it's just nicer, you know?
Hey JoesWifey! It seems a bit bizarre that your hubby is so opposed to you guys having a tree. If he didn't have one when he was a kid, its all good and fine, but if that were me I would probably just have developed an "I don't care" attitude about having a tree versus actively stopping my partner from having one - same with the other decorations! At least you were able to get some decorations though. Those little touches just make the holiday season.
That would make me sad too!! Although I have to say, if you've got the money yourself, just go and get a tree!!! We don't always have to wait for permission to do something that will make us happy, this is the reason for keeping some finances separate in the first place :) If your hubby doesn't have happy childhood memories of Xmas, it makes sense that he is anxious about it. But this is your time to start your own traditions as a family, and make new memories. So, tree it up! You might want to keep it small this year, then expand next year, and so on, just so he has time to get used to it. You might have to compromise somewhere (no wreath on the front door! No flashing lights! No angels!) but I don't think it has to be on the tree itself if it's so important to you.
You can check craigslist for a used tree! I found a 7.5" artificial one for like $20! I'm anti-real tree, but my allergies really hate it, and I think DH almost cried when I told him we would never...ever..ever have a real tree, haha
Great! It sounds like you will show him how much fun the tree and decorations can be. My husband wouldn't put in the effort to do it himself, but if I decorate he appreciates it. I hope yours does too!
I just don't feel like I can go behind his back about it. If it were simply our place, just him and I, then I would. But we live with his parents too (not financial reasons. probably always will for culture reasons). His dad is actually moving back to China in about a week and a half though so that's actually clearing up space for a tree. But idk, I don't feel like it's my place, since I moved in with them and they're already established, to just bring things in for the house, especially since their stuff would have to be moved. I told him that's what I want for my Christmas present though, decorating the house. I'm going to try getting stockings for them and such too. I want to show them how fun Christmas is! Hubby will grumble about it being expensive, but oh well.
If they aren't very religious, they may not love the idea of the "christmas spirit" being brought into their house....after all, Christianity is sorta the point of Christmas. I'm just saying I can see why they may not welcome it. Do you cross-stitch or anything? You could make them....my mom made some YEARS ago and they are like, cherished family heirlooms
I don't think they're anti-Christianity so much. Not religious yes, but not anti. Hubby is named Joseph and his sister is Mary... heh his grandma was Christian and picked their "American" names for them when they came to the US. I really just think it's the money part. Hubby is the only one who disapproves anyway. I really think his mom would enjoy it! His sister probably too (she's home 2 nights a week).
oh, and no. I don't cross stitch or crochet or sew or anything, unfortunately, or I so would!
Oh, Hun!!! I'm sorry!! You can go to Bath & Body Works, get the balsam fir candles or wallflowers (they smell just like Christmas trees) and get a table top fake tree...nothing huge, just something little...or you could even get a pine tree from the plant section at Home Depot. :) Hubs and I are pretty good with compromise, we keep eachother in check about expenses...sounds like you might need to talk it over with Joe, it's pretty unfair for him to buy coffee everyday...what about a coffemaker that only brews a cup at a time??? Hope it works out for you.
*hugs*
I would be absolutely in tears if I were you. Have you explained to him why it's emotionally important? That it reminds you of family? That it was a really key pat of the holiday for you growing up?
(You're much more patient than I am. I would've blown up at the whole "headache" thing and made him the topper of a very large balsam fir, too.)
Oh, you should totally learn to cross-stitch! It is so easy and you can buy them color-coded and everything =]
Oh, I didn't realize there was more to the story, what with living with his folks and worries about money. Many of us who are newlyweds or out on our own don't have a lot of decorations, and it takes a while to build up a collection. Maybe you could get just a few things this year, then buy more on clearance after the holiday! That way, you're easing him into it and also addressing the money issue.
to be fair, he doesn't buy coffee EVERY day, and at least it's not like Starbucks or anything. It would still save us money to buy a coffee maker, imo. Target has a black friday sale where they have a coffee maker and a toaster on sale for $3 each... I'm not going to go crazy trying to get it, but I am going to check it out and if any are left when I get there (8amish) so getting one!
@Miss Lilly- I think I might do that, with the candles. It's not quite the same, but I know Yankee candles are really good and come pretty darn close lol Might invest in a tart warmer or something. That's if we can't get a real wreath though. I'd rather get a real wreath than a fake though because fake would be harder to store. At least a christmas tree goes back in a box! We'll make something work. I'm about to head out to CVS to see what little things I can pick up lol
@Mary Alice- I wanted to buy clearance stuff last year, but he gave me the stink eye about it. We were planning a wedding at the time though, to be fair so I let it go (or got disctracted by wedding stuff lol). I don't expect a ton, and I'm ok with that. But I just absolutely love the way a house feels all warm and cozy when it's all dressed up for Christmas time and smells like christmas trees and it's just something I really miss and since we're a family now, I'd really like to get into some sort of tradition. I'll just bribe him with candy or something...
My FI is the same way. He does not want a tree in our house. His mom went crazy with the Christmas trees and he got burned out putting them up and taking them down. He would even joke to her that he would marry a Jewish girl so he would never have to put up another tree. So we compromised that we will not have a tree until we have kids. I don't want my babies growing up without a tree! For now, I just decorate our house with tons of Christmas decorations and hanging stockings and wreath. Maybe you can compromise in some way too?
I have to second the idea of a real wreath. This is what got me through years of apartment living where fear of sap on carpet and carpet replacement fees kept me from having a real tree. I got a real wreath, then went to like, Big Lots or somewhere cheap and got bows and round ornaments and hooked them on the wreath with the green floral wire you find in craft stores. Then when I got home every day I got the whiff of pine smell and it kept me happy.
If it makes you feel any better, my FI is also pissy about the Christmas tree -- doesn't want to spend the money, doesn't see the point since we'll be in PA for Christmas, just generally has no interest in having a tree. It's a holdover from his ten bachelor years where there was no tree. I would say get the little tree (the ~$40 one?) decorate it -- even with popcorn and cranberries if ornaments are too expensive, and let him see how happy it makes you.
OOOOOOOOO i know how you feel. FI is that exact same way, but then again his family doesn't even care about holidays really and it seems like that might be why he doesn't care. You just have to kinda ease him into it. FI is finally starting to come around and he actually said to me on halloween, I can see me really getting into the holidays when we have kids. That just made me so happy! I think they also hthink its not "manly" to be into the holidays. I'm sure he'll slowly come around after he sees how big of a deal they really are. Another place to check out is thrift stores! We just went the other day and they ahve SO much stuff. I didn't look really but i'm sure you can find some really good stuff. I'm also going to go to the $1 and get some vases and bulbs and fill the bulbs in the vases and put them a couple places around the house. And its super cheap!
Here I thought my fiance was the only one who disliked Christmas trees! He's just super minimalist and doesn't want extra stuff around the house. I had to practically beg just to hang up some regular art when we moved in.
My FH has never had a tree :( His mom has like this tiny little fake one she sets up because of his little nephew, but it's like 2ft if that, hardly a real tree.
I'm all about the REAL, FRESH Christmas tree. I do not like fake ones at all! I asked FH is he was going to get one for his apartment and he looked at me confused and was like 'why?' WHY! Because that's what you do when it's Christmas and it smells so good! Hopefully I can drag one into the house when we are married...
Your husband is not the boss of you! Get yourself a tree! 
I know you don't want to go behind his back, but it sounds like this is something that is really important to you, and would make you feel really good. Why be so careful of his feelings, when he's obviously not minding yours? (that sounds a lot harsher than I mean it, sorry!)
I'd wait until the father leaves (for space reasons), then give the place a little Christmas cheer! Yes, you moved in with him (and his family), but this is still your home-- you're not just a squatter in their apartment. Decorating the house for Christmas can be done pretty cheaply, if you hunt around for some bargains and spend time making decorations yourself. Could be fun!
Is there a reason that he doesn't really want one? I know that my family doesn't really celebrate Christmas the way you typically think about it, because for us it is really about something special, and to be a Christian and celebrate Christmas the same way non-believers do just sends up a little red flag. I know personally we don't have these traditions and my FI has been very accepting of it because he understands the real reason behind it. Maybe you should talk to him about the motive behind his reasoning.
Can I just say that this really makes me sad? Religious or not, I think that if you're willing to pay for it and do most of the work, there's no reason for him not to "ok" it. My FI is a tightwad sometimes too (yes, I did have to kind of convince him to get a tree last year, but we're in college so we didn't necessarily need one) but if something is important to me, he'd never be that against it.
And BTW I must commend you--I could never live with my ILs forever... you must have the patience of a saint!
@marci. I would totally understand if that were the case. They really just don't celebrate holidays at all. Maybe Chinese New Year the family gets together for dinner or something or sometimes around Christmas they'd all head down to his aunt's house in FL and hang out for like a week or so, but holidays were never part of their life. They don't even celebrate birthdays really. I think it's just the money part of it. He's never decorated so he doesn't really know that it can be done affordably. He just sees the fancy stuff in movies and magazine covers and stuff and that probably scares him a bit.
He's kind of ok with things now. It's just kind of hard for him to understand since it's not something he grew up with. Hopefully I can change his mind slowly, and I think when we have kids he'll really start to enjoy it then.
Like I said, he eventually said we can get a tree, even if he wasn't excited about it. He had no complaints about a wreath though.
@cinema- heh, it's not so bad living with MIL. It's not the greatest, but it's not as bad as it can be. She doesn't really interfere with our relationship or anything. She doesn't speak English very well either so we just kind of do our own thing for the most part. The only thing I dislike about it is all her STUFF. So much clutter around the house (another reason hubby thinks we can't get a tree) and if I want to do anything for the house, like get new curtains or something, we'd have to run it by her first (which is totally lame because she's not even paying rent or anything, but that whole "respect your elders" thing in the Chinese culture).
And, just to clarify to everyone that thinks my husband doesn't really care about my feelings, he does. We're still adjusting and stuff, but he's not as much of a tightwad as he used to be either. He doesn't complain if I buy a bouquet of flowers for the house, or that I bought a betta fish and generally is ok with most things I want, but for some reason this holiday thing just kind of got to him. I think part of it is because he never had it growing up, and probably for awhile felt left out, but then just built up a shell to block it out and just not care so now I've just got to work on breaking that down!
@JoesWifey I see what you mean, and I wish you good luck in trying to encourage him to be a part of holiday celebrating. I'm sure it was difficult to not be a part of it for so long!
Also, about running it by your MIL for each new house purchase... ahhhh that is where I would seriously start hurting myself. I am design minded--I swear, all I think in is design of any kind! Food, house, wedding, party... my resume has a color scheme, even. And my notes for each class. So I think that would drive me bonkers!
Hi JoesWifey,
Just wanted to say I hope I didn't offend you with my comment about the feelings-- I know that came out harsher than what I actually meant, and I should've found a way to word it better! (eek!) I know your hubs wants to make you happy, and maybe he just doesn't realize how much this would mean to you. I know how giddy I am after I decorate for the holidays-- for some reason, the twinkle lights and the sparkly ornaments and the candles and everything are like this soothing little treat for my soul, like soaking in a hot bubble bath. My husband didn't really get it until I was all done last year, and then he couldn't stop talking about how nice and cozy it was.
@jhphi totally not offended :) I completely understood what you meant. I just wanted to clarify and throw it out there though. The house does feel special and cozy after decorating. I love it! I would much rather make the house look nice than exchange Christmas gifts. There is just something soooo incredibly soothing and relaxing to relax in the house with nothing but the Christmas tree lights on. It gives the room an extra special glow, with all the sparkly things glistening. Especially if it's snowy out, but doesn't matter if it isn't. Hopefully hubby will realize it eventually.
@Cinema- I guess I'm just used to it lol I never lived on my own, so I always had someone to "answer to" in terms of house stuff. Combine that with the fact that we rent (and have been renting or living with someone else since I was about 12), just makes a person get used to not always being able to do what they want to their home lol
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I know this is stupid, but it makes me sad. He claims it's too expensive, but that's always his go to answer when I want something and he doesn't. If he cut out buying coffee for like a month it would probably add up to the same as a Christmas tree, and yet he REFUSES to get a coffee maker for some unknown reason. It's not like I'm asking him to pay for it anyway. We don't really have joint finances atm so I dont know what the problem is. I can easily spare ~$50. It's just so stupid. I was with him for the past two Christmases and we didn't have one. Last year, he was in FL with his family and I was in IN with mine for like a week, so I didn't push it and the year before I wasn't officially living here yet. This year, we'll only be gone a couple of days and I really wanted one. Nothing crazy. something 4-5ft maybe. I LOVE the smell. I've had them every year for Christmas growing up as a kid. He has NEVER had one. I know my mom will have one, enough though it's fake, back home. I don't have family around here to spend Christmas or Holidays with (we're going to visit my mom for like 3 days for Christmas, but he's not looking forward to it so that kind of sucks the fun out of it). He just totally sucks the fun out of Christmas and holidays because he doesn't care because they had never really been a part of his life before. It just sucks :(