Hubby no longer trying?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

If he’s letting his hygiene slip, you need to nip that crap in the bud. Plenty of people change slightly (in wooing attempts, in waistline) after weddings but that’s just nasty.

Post # 3
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

Eek. We’re not married yet, but that wouldn’t be cool at all with me. Hygiene is really important, married or not.

Post # 4
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You can always buy him a few different new deodorants and body washes to try out. If you don’t want him to kiss you before brushing his teeth, just don’t open your mouth. Ask him to please brush his teeth first. 

FWIW, there are enough people who are sensitive to the chemicals in colognes and whatnot that it may be really good that he isn’t into them. You never know who is walking down the street nearby, and what might affect them.

Lots of people are a bit self conscious about their grooming, I think you’ll have better results if you tell him how amazing he smells/looks when he’s just stepped out of the shower rather than nagging at him when he hasn’t stepped up his grooming game. Also – if my partner told me I couldn’t cuddle, kiss or come near until I was primped, prepped and deodorized for the day? That would completely hurt my feelings. Early morning bed cuddles are the best!

Post # 5
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

There are days here and there that DH gets a little lazy and smelly, and he pretty much only wears cologne on special occassions, (he used to wear it a lot more when we were dating).  If it’s a once-in-a-while thing, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, (and I have no problem telling DH he needs to go use some “destinkifier,” as we call deodorant for example).  But if it’s becoming more often than not, I would have a talk with him to see if it’s laziness, or something more serious like depression.  

Post # 6
Member
2724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

mcp72614:  Do you mean he doesn’t put on deodorant or brush his teeth before morning sex or he doesn’t do it all day?

Post # 7
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

mcp72614:  that would really bother me. Good hygiene isn’t about trying- it’s something he should be doing for himself. This reminds me of someone else who started a thread about moving in with her fiancé and finding out he was content to live in filth and brush his teeth once a day. I think basic hygiene and cleanliness is tied to self respect and self worth. If he wasn’t always slovenly and has recently become that way, I worder if there is an underlying cause. Is it possible he’s depressed?

Post # 8
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

Maybe have a gentle talk that just because you’re married doesn’t mean he has to let go. My husband nicely asked me to wear nicer clothes because I got a bit lazy wearing my pyjamas around the house all the time, so I do now.

Post # 9
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

WestCoastV:  exactly! Good hygiene should be for yourself. I would not be happy if my husband let that go. I hope he can get the hint after a kind and caring conversation about the importance of not giving up after the relationship gets too comfortable. No one wants to have to resort to nagging. 

Post # 10
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee

mcp72614:  It’s common to start letting go of yourself in marriage, you’ve found the one you want for the rest of your life, but there is no need to lose track of hygiene.  Gross.  Let him know gently that you would prefer if he put at least deodorant on.  My husband is really good about that stuff because he hates to smell.  However, I’m the more lazy one.  Maybe his old deodorant is giving him a rash and he doesn’t like using it.  You could just buy him an assorted pack of deodorant and be like it was on sale?  So it is almost like a hint without necessarily being one.

Post # 12
Member
2724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

mcp72614:  That’s weird. Can he have some sort of condition? He shouldn’t smell after he gets out of the shower.  Do you think he just stands under the water and doesn’t use soap?

Post # 13
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mcp72614:  Talk to him! In my (limited) experience, men don’t realise how bad they can smell, and need to be told. Be gentle, but direct, e.g. “You need to go back to using X deodorant.”

As for pre-marriage being different, perhaps he thought of it as a “luxury”, not realising it is an “essential”.

Post # 14
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

mcp72614:  I’m confused. You said, “When we got out of the shower.” Were you in the shower with him? Did he use body wash and still smell bad, or did he not use body wash? If he didn’t use body wash, why didn’t you bring it up while you were in the shower with him? 

Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

mcp72614:  

Hygeine should always be maintained. That said, my husband and I kiss with nasty morning breath all the time. My husband will sometimes wear cologne to make me happy but he isn’t big on it. However, my husband is very clean and often smells of Irish Spring soap.

My husband was letting his appearance slip in our second year. He started wearing track pants all the time and letting a beard grow wildly on his face. He also stopped buying nice clothing and needed to be reminded to get haircuts. 

I sat down with my husband and told him that we needed to stay mindful of our appearance for each other. I reminded my husband that I spend a lot of time and money looking cute not only for myself but also for him. Now he looks like the man I fell in love with again. 

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