Huge bridesmaid issue :( and one very sad confused bride…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

” over the past year t has really changed she never calls me and her group of  friends has changed a lot to include people I would never associate with”

“bottom line is j friendship means so much more to me at this point…..it’s just  I’m not wanting to loose t as a friend and I feel that this is a friendship  ending descion I……”

 Sounds simple to me, I would let t go if j is so much more important to you.

Post # 5
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Future_Mrs_C25978:  Well, it’s either that or you’ll keep on suffering with this issue. Obviously 11 years of friendship between the three of you isn’t enough to get them to act cordial for a just while as you prepare to get married.

Post # 6
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@Future_Mrs_C25978:  Would you be OK with T being in your wedding party and not J? I doubt the answer is yes, so its not a question of what do you do, more-so as how do you do it.

I think you just do it. You ask T out for coffe and just say that you love her and you know she’s going through a transition, but whatever she did to J was not Ok and you cant support her behavior. That you stand behind J, and as of right now the 2 of them cant be together which means that, while you love still love her, you cant have her in your wedding party anymore. If things change and J & T can clear the air you’d love to have her back in your wedding party, but if you have to choose between them, you have to support the “injured party”

I’m sorry, thats a really tricky situation. At least you have one good friend who is supporting you and enjoying the planning process with you. Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Future_Mrs_C25978:  TBH I think J is being pretty unfair to you. You have zero control over what T does regaring her personal life/family. Plus you ALREADY ASKED HER to be a BM, so the deal is done. Its not as if you were planning to ask her, and because of this family issue, you could then choose not to ask her because you know there would be drama. You asked, she said yes, the situation has nothing to do directly with you, so, whats the big deal?

Your “best friend, sister, your rock” can’t suck it up for ONE DAY for you? Why not? Unless T did something so horrible to J that directly has to do with her, then she should be able to deal.

 …All in all though, if what T did was really that bad to J. I guess you need to give T the axe. This will, most likely ruin your friendship with her though. If J’s that much more important to you then T is, then I guess this isn’t a problem

Post # 9
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Future_Mrs_C25978:   I would start by sitting them both down, if you can, if not got to each one individually. I would say to both or each of them…

“j and t, I am really hurt that there are bad feelings between  you two because both of you  mean so much to me. I want both of you to stand beside me at my wedding. We have been friends for 11 years and we are intelligent strong women and we should be able to have an adult conversation about how we can make this work. Even if you two can’t see eye to eye, I hope that you love me enough to put it behind you and be in my wedding anyhow. I would absolutely do the same for you two.” 

Post # 11
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Stephville:  +1 Your wedding not about J. J is being awfully selfish making you choose between her or T, and as your MOH she shouldn’t be stressing you out about it.

You decide, REGARDLESS of J’s opinion, if you want T in the wedding, because honestly, it doesn’t sound like you had considered dropping her until J brought up her issues, and your comments about T’s personal life are just your way of rationalizing why you should drop T. If you wouldn’t have dropped ehr before J’s comments, then don’t. A REAL friend would be your MOH because of YOU.

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