(Closed) Huge decision…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I recently moved down to Virgina to be with my bf (now FI). It is tough being away from my family as I am close to them like you are but it’s the situation I’m in as FI is in school still. You will survive if moving is what you choose to do, and your nephews will still love you even though they wont see you as much. I know my nephew goes crazy whenever we go back to visit 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9062 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was dating my (then) boyfriend for a few months before I moved in with him. I moved 1,200 miles away from all of my family, to a state where I knew no one. California, all the way to Oklahoma.

 

I had an excellent relationship with my family, but we were very strained at times (A lot of arguments, snarky comments, passive-aggressiveness, etc) and so I was looking forward to getting away from them. Sounds mean, right? Well, it’s not too bad.

I was okay with it at first. Sure, it’s lonely! I’ve been here since July and I don’t have any friends. I know a few people, but we don’t talk on a regular basis. It gets easier. The way I looked at it was, the baby bird has to spread her wings, right? I had to move away eventually, and it just happened that my SO was stationed in Oklahoma, so that’s where I went.

We stay in touch via telephone, Skype & Steam, so it’s not too bad.

Post # 5
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have to do what you feel is the best decision. If this is a big thing for him and you want to go then you should. It was hard for me to move away from my Dad (in Washington State . . . I am now in Texas) but I love it here. Sure you will miss your family but 5 hours isn’t that bad. My FI lives about 4 hours from his and he still sees his family quite a bit over the year even though it may not be as much as before. If he plans on proposing the first thought you should have now is that he is now going to be your main family. So that is whats important.

Post # 6
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@ILuv2TeachPreK:  Yes, I have been through this and ended up marrying the guy I moved for 2 years later but we ended up divorcing three years after that. I was 23 at the time, in nursing school and working as a Certified Nursing Assistant. Since I was moving out of state, I also had to wait for my certification to transfer before I could work in the field I was experienced in. I also left my family to move about 300 miles away, who I’m also very close to. I won’t tell you not to do it because of my own struggles and the divorce I went through. I will tell you that I would make sure it is what you want also and that you’re not just doing it for him. You may get lonely sitting at home away from your family and discouraged looking for a job. You may also form resentment towards him if this move proves not to be a better situation than what you are currently in. I would advise waiting until you are married before moving. I think that’ll give you more security, emotionally and financially. 

Post # 7
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My DH moved across the country (15 hour drive, 4 hour flight with connections) to support me when I got a great job opportunity. He had trouble finding a job and we lived on mostly my income for the year that we lived there. He got into a great PhD program a year after we moved, and I moved back across the country with him. It was hard being so far away from our families, but it definitly brought us closer together. We both do a lot of give and take to make sure that we each have the opportunities we need to advance our careers. As a side note, we were not even engaged when we did our first big move, so we were in a similar situation as you two. Good luck with your decision!

Post # 8
Member
3590 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@ILuv2TeachPreK:  I would want to be openly, and firmly, engaged to be married (ring and date) before making the move with him. At minimum.  Married would be even better.

Post # 9
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

I moved three hours away from my family (small family of one, just my mom) and I miss her like crazy but, we are married now and are happy so I suppose it’s worth it 😉

Post # 10
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ILuv2TeachPreK:  I would do this if SO asked me to, in a heartbeat. I’m a waiting bee too and I think you know what your relationship is worth and where it is headed better than any of us do. Follow your heart. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

SO is currently on the hunt for a job.  The most promising option right now would take him 3 hours south of where we are now (only 1.5 hours from my parents, we are currently 1.5 hours from his parents) but I’m still in school so I would have to stay.  I certainly would follow him if I could, but I’m not going to stop school for anyone when I’ve already spent 4 years on it and I still don’t have my degree.  But regardless, I would certainly follow him if I was not tied to school (there are literally no universities where he may move).  Of course, he has other options that could take him more than 15 hours away or even to the opposite side of the country.

Sadly my sister had to move over 5 years ago and I used to see my nephew all the time.  Since they moved, they’ve had two more kids that I’ve only been able to see 3 or 4 times each.  I know how you feel.  It REALLY REALLY STINKS!!!! But sometimes, things just have to happen – life happens so you jsut have roll with the punches as they say.

Post # 12
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I moved to be with my SO about a year and a half ago. I moved over 2000 miles from North Carolina up to Alberta, Canada. I still really don’t have many friends since everyone here around my age is pretty much either drunk every other night or knocked up and I don’t fit into either category. But it was still worth it. Long distance is hard and after doing it for a year my SO and I both got fed up with it. We even broke up for almost a month before I moved to be with him a few months later. If you love him, know he’s the one, have had a serious conversation about the future and that moving means getting married is definitely a must in the future at this point, and you have no qualms about living together before an engagement or marriage. Then, I’d say to go for it. Just know that it probably won’t be a walk in the park being away from your family and friends, and that you may argue alot from stress and adjusting to your new life with each other. That’s my only advice.

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