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I said depends. Because... I don't think it's ok to ASK for money. But I think it's ok to want only money (we do too- we haev a house and all we need!)
I think the best thing to do is to not register (or register for only a few things- we registered for our honeymoon, photog gift certificates, and a dyson vacuum). People usually then get the idea. Also, spread the word with your families. My mom was very honest with our relatives and I think they expecgted that we'd want $$.
You'll get some people who are rude though... I had one of FI's horribly BIOTCHY aunts tellus on our wedding website that our registry was "la-ha-ha-ha-AME" (aka Lame) and she bought us towels (that we don't need.) You'll also get a few random gifts at showers. It's a small price to pay for not being TACKY by writing anywhere that you are requesting only cash. I just don't think it's appropirate to tell people you don't want their gifts. Just no suggestsions... then most people get the hint!
G/L!
My husband and I did this (sort of) I think it's ok, but only if you DON'T ASK. You need to be tactful to get the job done :)
I.E. Don't have a wedding shower. Wedding showers are for gifts. Most people bring cash for a gift to the actual wedding. At our wedding (I did not have a shower) 99 percent of our gifts were cash. The only person who bought a gift was my brother in law (he purchased a set of HUGE blue vases that i have no idea what I'll do with them). The only other gift I got was a waterford crystal votive holder from a great family friend, but they also gifted cash. The votive is one of my most treasured possessions.
We ended up getting mostly cash which we wanted by only registering for a few things and not having showers too. But etiquette does say that you can't specifically come out and say 'give me money!'
Future Mrs. W, I am in a similar situation. FI and I have lived together for some time and accumulated lots of household items. We don't really have a need for new things and definitely do not have room for new things at this time. Luckily for me, in Chinese culture cash is a normal gift but I'm scratching my head thinking of a polite way to ask FI's family for cash instead of gifts. I do want to let my guests of either gifting us with cash or giving us something else. The best compromise I can think of is setting up honeymoon registry so guests can contribute toward a specific aspect of our honeymoon because we'd love to go on a great honeymoon after the wedding!
I found really cute wishing well poems at Wedaholic
Because at first we lived in sin
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
A gift from you would be swell
But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!
or
More than just kisses so far we've shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we've already got,
And in our home we can't fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!
Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
And in return for your kindness, we're sure
That one day soon you will get what you wished for.
Thanks to the ladies that have answered my question so far. I knew for a fact that I wouldn't DARE ASK anyone for money since all the mags/websites say this is super TACKY. I like the wishing well idea from creme de violet, thanks for that. I was thinking of throwing a unisex shower but after reading Maureen9004 and MissAsB's responses I think I've changed my mind
I started a thread on this a while ago because we're having our wedding on a different continent from where we live. We haven't lived together, and DO need things for our house, but it would be very expensive to ship everything back AND the voltage/plugs/bed sizes etc. are different. So even if we shipped back a blender, we couldn't use it. None of the stores in Canada are the same as in Korea, and in Canada, we have stricter return policies than in the States (and there is no bed bath and beyond in my area....every American has told me to just get gift certificated to BBB!!!!). Anyway, most posters said 'no you can't ask for money' or that I should try to find another way such as starting a honeymoon registry. Alas, we probably won't get a honeymoon...or it will be a very very very short 2 day trip since flying to Canada is so expensive, so I don't feel right about having a honeymoon registry when we won't be using the money for that.
After much consultation with people in Korea who have done cross-continent weddings, I've decided a) not to register anywhere and b) say 'we will be unable to ship presents back to Korea' on the wedding invite. Hopefully from that and word of mouth, people will get the message. I don't really care if mentioning presents is bad etiquette on the invites. I would rather be truthful than have to lie to people afterward about using the toaster they bought us.
@ creme de violet - that first poem is fabulous!
My FI and I are not registering anywhere and we are not having any showers. We already have several homes and everyone who knows us know that already so I doubt anybody other than our parents (b/c they are parents and have to buy something according to them) will buy us anything. I think it's safe to say that most of our gifts will be cash. We aren't asking for gifts of any kind though...and won't be upset if we don't get any since we are having a DW and didn't invite anyone =)
If you have a wedding website, why not put one of those poems or a note to your guests on the site? In that way, it won't carry the same "tacky" weight of putting a note on the invites, but hopefully most people will check out a wedding website these days. You can include a card in the invite that tells people "for more information...". So when they see there is no registry information and there was no shower, they'll check out the site to find out why.
Good luck! I think no shower and not registering will give a big enough hint.
I agree with what's been said. And double about the shower. It seems even worse to hint for money, for a shower. The whole point of a shower is to get you set up for your home.
Just other avenues to convey our wishes, word of mouth or website. And just have folks let people know that you have your home set up already, and that you're looking to save for X. Sure you'll use it for the wedding, But they don't need to know that. They probably don't want to feel like they're funding your wedding. And after all, what you get to offset the wedding, will allow you to spend your money on something else, right?
And just make sure you're not expecting the gift money to pay for the wedding. It will never add up.
I don't think you should hint or ask for money in writing. It is fine to have your parents and wedding party spread the new by word of mouth.
I was seriously considering putting a little poem or something on my wedding website, but then decided against it. If I was a guest at a wedding and the bride and groom put one of those poems on their website, I honestly don't know what I'd do. I definitely wouldn't give as much money as I would have had they said nothing. I might even go ahead and get them a gift and pretend I didn't ever see the poem. Asking for cash sounds greedy. No matter how much you want the money, it isn't right. Just don't register anywhere and take what you get.
If you're going to go ahead and use one of the poems anyway, I definitely wouldn't use the one that says you're living in sin.
I don't like asking for money either, If you can't ship things around, then it makes sense to get the word out, but I am not sure there is any way - in writing - to ask for money instead of gifts in an appropriate manner - even if it is a cute poem.
If I really didn't need very much, I'd create a modest registry for the things you really would like (I'm still kicking myself for not registering for heavy-weight, everyday flatware!), and leave it at that. If there simply aren't enough things on the registry, a few people will get or make you other gifts, but the majority will likely give you money.
I second aliciareneephotography but don't think it's appropriate to ask directly for money. There are sites out (honeyfund.com) there where you can register for things to do on your honeymoon and if that's what you're looking for money for, then perhaps you could use that?
Haha, I just realized I already answered this! I'm on the bee too much!
There is no classy way to ask for money, unfortunately. It simply can't be done. You could suggest that people donate to charity, or perhaps try even harder to come up with items you might not think of now, but might find yourself needing in a few years to come (such as high quality cooking equipment or nice towels/linens for your guest room, that kind of thing).
Maybe if you get gifts you will get gift receipts and can just return for cash or store gift cards for when you do find something you need.
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FI and I are at a loss when it comes to this particular decision. We are not sure if it would be appropriate to ask for money instead of gifts at our wedding. You see, we have been living together for 8 years and pretty much have everything we need in our apartment and could really use the money to offset some of the wedding expenses. Would it be considered completely rude and lacking class for us to ask for money? Has anyone been inthis situation before and how did they handle it?