- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Honestly my answer to your question would depend on what her reasons were for hating him so much. The biggest question I have here is why the two of you are so out of sync over this guy- she can't stand to be in the same room with him but you consider him to be one of your best friends? To me this indicates that you might not share the same values about some important stuff- but without knowing what he's done I can't judge. I mean, if he just is a little crude and drinks a bit much but generally knows how to behave when told, then yes she is being irrational and she should compromise. If he's a raging alcoholic who gets in fights and has cussed her out on multiple occasions, then I think you would need to stand by her and exclude him. It all depends on the situation...
At first glance I'd say she is really overreacting and you should be able to have your friend at the wedding BUT you twice mentioned the fact that she has a good reason for not wanting him there. I guess its hard to say she is overreacting without knowing the seriousness of the issue. Maybe you are downplaying just how serious their issues with one another are. So without knowing the "good" reason behind her dislike for him, its hard to say she is overreacting.
You've made it clear in this post that, whatever it is that this friend did to your Fiance was bad enough for her to have 'very legit reasons to not want him there'.
Based on that alone, even though I don't know what it is that he said/did to her, if I were you, I wouldn't compromise your relationship with your Fiance over a friend who has done something hurtful to her. If you do love her, is it even a question for your to consider jeopardize your future with her, over a friend? She has every right to feel this way, a wedding only happens ONCE.
I'm sorry you are going through this! I am going through almost the exact same thing with my FI only I dont think its quite as bad.
My FI has a good friend that he grew up with who doesnt like me one bit. He is always very rude to me and acts like a child around me. He always brings up my FI ex- girlfirends and talks about them in front of me, which really annoys me.
My FI and I came to the agreement that he would be invited to the wedding, but he would not be asked to be in the wedding. I honestly just couldn't come to terms with seeing his face walking down the isle on whats supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
Luckily my FI understood completely and that is resolved.
I know its hard to go back and tell your friends he cant be in the wedding, but you really should have talked to her before you asked him to be in the wedding. There isnt much you can do about it now, but if this is really going to affect her then you should consider asking him to step down.
This day is about the TWO of you. Yes, your friends and family are there to celebrate with you, but this is the start of your lives together as a couple. I know at some points in our relationship I wish my FI would have taken my side and stuck up for me when his friend was being an @$$ to me, it would have made me feel really good to know that he has my back.
I hope this helps, let me know if you have any more questions
Like other people said its hard to judge the situation without really knowing the whole story. There are things that couldve happened between your friend and fiance that would make it seem she is overreacting and there are things that couldve happened that would make me side with her and agree he should not be a part of your life anymore. Have you sat down to discuss your feelings and thoughts with your fiance? I guess it comes down to the fact that you sound like you really love her and want to spend your life with her and for that to happen you may need to cut ties with your friend or accept that he wont be at the wedding. Id try and talk it out with her before doing anything. Good luck and welcome to Weddingbee!
If you feel like your FI have good reason to dislike your friend I would question why you still feel like this guy should be your friend?
Sounds to me like 1. she's at the 3 month to the wedding crazy stressed stage and 2. she feels like you're picking him over her and she's freaking out that she's not feeling like her husband-to-be has her back. Without knowing the circumstances behind why she's so opposed to him, I'd work on reassuring her that you're on her side and she will always be able to count on you. Kind of seems similar to the common "sides" battle brides sometimes have with their guys and mother's in laws.
This is a tough one to answer without hearing her rationale. I would sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart when she is not in throws of wedding stress or already heated about the situation. You should come to a solution that works for BOTH of you - would he understand if he remained just a wedding guest instead of in the party? Would she be better with that option?
I agree with greenleafmountain - why is it that you are so opposite on your opinions of this friend? Is there a way to explain why he is important enough of you to be in your wedding party? One of the things we did when picking our wedding party was choose people who would presumably be in our lives forever. Is this guy, who your wife hates, going to be in your life for a long time?
My FI also has a legitimate reason for not wanting one of my good friends at our wedding. I let her know that it might not be possible for me to extend an invitation to her since our wedding day is as much his as it is mine. She wrote back saying she understood, and she'd rather miss one day and keep the friendship than be there and endanger it.
In these cases, between one person enduring the presence or the other enduring the absence of a guest, it really should be the latter who takes one for the team.
It's going to be awkward and uncomfortable and your friend might be pissed, but you need to un-invite him.
I think he brings up a valid concern about the irrationality just being the tip of the iceberg and threatening to walk, unless shes completely reasonable and sane except when it comes to this friend. Whats next? He doenst come to the wedding, and she demands to cut ties with him completely or call off the wedding? What about when married if she doesnt want his friend to be part of his life? Threaten divorce? If its just a rediculous grudge from silly teen years, I think she should learn to give a little too. He already kicked him from the wedding party, he's compromised, why not she? If its a truely legit reason, which it didnt really sound like, since she was ok before with him coming, then he'd have to be un-invited.
I really think it depends on what this friend did. You admit that he did something that she is completely jusified in not liking him over. If it is something serious, I understand her not wanting him at her wedding (and maybe question why you are still friends with someone who did something horrible to your future wife). But if it is something that is more of a misunderstanding, then maybe she is overreacting.
If what you say is true and these are old, "teen" issues that she can't seem to let go of, I think she is being completely irrational. How unfair of her to allow him to be in the wedding, then completely renig.
100% agreed that you should have discussed the wedding party option with her, but she is now putting you in a terrible place. If you do this to him, consider your friendship over, and that is not fair of her to ask of you.
And I find it really hard to believe that HER whole wedding would be ruined over one person in attendance that she may see for a moment or two all day. Will that really be her focus? I hate it when brides view their wedding as THEIR day only. Yes, they are usually the center of attention, but hello, there is a groom there, too!
I have two questions for you:
Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to you. You're in a really tough spot, buddy.
I am a practical kind of gal, and I can't imagine throwing this kind of hissy fit over one of my FI's friends. And I actually have a very similar situation to yours.
When I met FI, his best friend was a roommate in the house FI owned. Friend and I clashed as soon as I started living there, basic living together issues. Neither of us were nice, and now neither of us like eachother. It isn't like one of us was really more right or wrong, but we're just never going to be friends.
Of course this guy was invited to the wedding. It's FI's wedding too, and his friend has been there for him longer than I have. The friend isn't a drunk who is going to actually ruin the wedding. That is a different issue. Will greeting him be awkward? Yep. But I love FI, and I can make a tiny sacrifice so his friend can be there.
Honestly, this is troubling behavior. It is controlling and abusive. I would express to her all that you have said here, let her know your concerns, then call her bluff. If she wants to cancel the wedding over this, count your lucky stars that you got out of what was not going to be a fun marriage.
@monitajb: "If she wants to cancel the wedding over this, count your lucky stars that you got out of what was not going to be a fun marriage." Couldn't have said it better myself!
Honestly, I see your Fiancee's side in this. You went behind her back and asked your groomsmen without consulting her and knowing that she doesn't like this guy. Personally, there are things that were said to me in high school that still bother me. There was a guy my FI was friends with who belittled and crushed me as an individual. He called me awful, terrible things. Things NO ONE should call another individual. Perhaps there's more to the story. I don't think she will seriously call it off, and I don't think it was appropriate for her to say that. I'd give her a bit to cool off. You should make a peace offering and talk to her in a week or so about this. Don't get hostile, stay absolutely calm.
EDIT: I really think there's more to the story that she may not have told you.
Given that she previously agreed to his being in the wedding party, I see her saying that the wedding is off if he even attends as being unreasonable. And like monitajb and alligatress, I see her threat to cancel the wedding over this as a really bad sign for the marriage.
If she had not previously agreed, then I would say that how bad his conduct was should be taken into consideration. However, without a whole new outrage, I can't see why it was ok for him to be in the wp before, and now he cannot even attend.
I think ShellyT is really onto something...
My Fi and I had a friend who would constantly compete for my Fi's attention, time, etc causing me to know longer consider him a friend, then it got worse with this "friend" constantly trying to cause problems in our relationship, using personal issues to belittle me and it got to the point that I told my Fi that he needed to make a decision and choose between me or this "friend". He cut off all ties with the friend for at least a few years and by that time I was willing to let them be friends again (with conditions on what I expect). With such a short description, it's hard to explain and not come off a little crazy/controlling, but it was causing huge problems in our relationship...
So the point is that I can relate to your fiance's point of view...it sounds like with the stress, nerves about the upcoming wedding and the past experiences with your friend, she might feel like you are choosing him over her. Unfortunately, there isnt a lot you can say to make her feel better, because at this point, I'm sure what you do will be more important to her. If she really strongly feels this way...maybe you need to think about the importance of this friend. If he were really that great of a friend to you, then he would be supportive of your relationship and happiness with your fiance. And if you keep pushing how important it is for this friend to be at your wedding, then that may just further your Fi's concerns over how you put this friend before her. I would take some time before bringing it up to her again and I would make it very clear to your friend that he needs to change his attitude/behavior toward your Fi if he wants the possibility of attending your wedding. I would be willing to bet, that your behavior/attitude about this friend is a bigger problem than your friend's jerky attitude in your fiance's eyes. You say you've spoken to him about his behavior before, but if she has never seen you defend her/correct your friend, then she is probably upset that you dont "have her back" the way you have your friend's back.
Hopefully, that at least sheds a little light on the subject, but you may just have to accept your fiance's feelings and uninvite the friend if you want to get married. The best things you can do right now is help her with anything else she is stressing about and don't push this issue on her, but definitely inform him that he will not be in the wedding party and that his attendance isn't definite either.
@pinkshoes and @monitajb have made good points. I would honestly get some counseling before you get married. You must be on the same page, whatever that turns out to be, before you make it legal.
I can understand her point in changing her mind. She may have really thought she was over it, and really wanted to just move on, but then she happened to run into him and realized how much seeing him upset her and got terrified that she wouldn't be able to keep it together if she had to see him on the wedding day.
I agree with everyone who said that actually threatening to call of the wedding is way over the line, but I can also see if the two of you have been fighting over this over and over, she may be thinking "Why isn't he taking my side? Is this a red flag?" I mean we frequently tell brides here that the relationship has to come first and friendships second. So without knowing the details, I don't think any of us can really judge whether you need to be standing up for her and distancing yourself from your friend, or whether she is being controlling and showing signs of abusiveness. There's just not enough information.
@Pwitty: Please don't take this as an attack, but I really couldn't disagree more with this advice.
When I think of the unhappy married men I know, there is one common theme: demanding, emotionally manipulative, and childish women who guilt, belittle and browbeat their husbands into submission. Everyone is absolutely entitled to their feelings, but if you are getting married, you should be ready to grow some steel ovaries and act like an adult. Her behavior on this point is reminiscent of a teenager. And while we all have moments when we are ridiculous, she is pairing it with threats that have got to hurt. THAT is abuse
Now, this may be a one time thing. If this is really a first, I would forgive her, let her know you will not tolerate being treated this way, and tell her you want to find a solution. If it isn't a first, I would run.
If you can't have the kind of conversation with her where you honestly share your feelings and tell her you are unhappy with something she did, bring in a counsellor who can help you achieve that kind of communication.
I disagree regarding the abuse. Unless she's calling her Fiance names or getting physical, I don't think it's abuse. I do think that counseling would be good suggested by other bees.
I think greenleafmoutain has a good perspective. "She may have really thought she was over it, and really wanted to just move on, but then she happened to run into him and realized how much seeing him upset her and got terrified that she wouldn't be able to keep it together if she had to see him on the wedding day."
EDIT: Has she been controlling in other ways or is it just this one thing? If so, then she is being abusive.
I think there arent really enough details here for either of us to know the whole story. I agree that there are many cases of manipulative women and unhappy submissive men, but from what was posted, I didn't think that was the case since it is only about this 1 friend.
I'm clearly speaking from my own experience, but "friends" can be just as manipulative and destructive as you describe seeing in relationships. From the op's description of his fiance's feelings as legitimate, I'm assuming this friend has been causing problems between the two of them for quite some time and if allowed to, will continue to cause problems even after they are married.
I am against ultimatums in general, but it sounds like his fiance is truly fed up with this friend and the issues relating to the friendship, so if he truly loves her and wants to marry her, then he needs to take her seriously. (Informing her that he will not tolerate her behavior shows her once again that he is taking the friend's side and not taking her feelings into consideration.) I'm assuming that they have an otherwise happy, healthy relationship, but if not, then I agree that counseling may help.
@Pwitty: I agree that there is not enough info to characterize the whole relationship as off. But I still really disagree with him tolerating this kind of behavior. If it is a one time bad act on her part, he still has a right to and should stand up for himself.
This is the basic part that I disagree with: "Informing her that he will not tolerate her behavior shows her once again that he is taking the friend's side and not taking her feelings into consideration." Telling her that this is no acceptable is NOT taking his friend's side, it is is taking his own side. She has acted in a really unnacceptable way. It isn't unforgiveable, but she is wrong to have been so cruel. I honestly think if a man had said something similar to any Bee on here, we would all find it deplorable.
So I think this is total bs. The two of you are individual people with relationships outside of the one with eachother. It doesn't matter why you consider this dude a great friend to you. The point is that he is YOUR friend and a good one. Their problems are, in my opinion, a completely seperate issue from your wedding.
To explain my position I will tell you that I wanted to elope but my fiance wanted a wedding. Why? Because it is important to him that people from each of our INDIVIDUAL lives can come together for a day and join in a celebration of us. To us that is the point of actually having a wedding. Sure there are mutual friends as well, and there will be people there who don't really get along with eachother, or maybe even one of us. It's one day. The marriage is what matters. If she can't see that then I have to say you may be in for a bumpy ride man.
One suggestion I have is to maybe approach your friend with this and explain to him why it is important to you for him to be in the wedding. Find out if he really values being a part of your special day and if so, if he really cares about your feelings regauding him being there and her problems with it, maybe he would be willing, for the sake of your friendship and your sanity, to talk to your fiance. Maybe if he approached her and if not apologized, at least expressed his sincere desire and appreciation for being involved in the wedding she would respect him a little more, and be a little giving, more willing to see the importance of his involvement. Good luck!
Oh gosh, I don't think she is abusive nor do I think you need counseling. I would reassure that you love her and that you will always put her above friendships if push comes to shove. However, you can emphasize what you said here, that he has been a good friend to you, and then emphasize that she'll barely see him during the day anyway. (True enough, I think.) My FI has a cousin who sounds like your friend--belligerent, loudmouth, way conservative (I am very liberal), and in my honest opinion, a bigot, rude and offensive--but I know that he and FI go way back and he is invited to the wedding. I haven't forgiven the cousin for anything, but I will get along with him for this one day. Just let her know that you also think he is boorish or whatever, but that he is like family, and she will just have to overlook this one dude.
@JessB331: Really? Let's take this to the extreme here- what if one of your friends, who had never ever been anything but a wonderful friend to you, walked up to your FI one day, spit in his face, told him he was a worthless piece of trash and she hoped he would die. Would you still say that it was BS if your FI told you that he didn't want you to be friends with that person anymore? I mean, the friend never did anything to you right? It's none of your FI's business who you are friends with.
At some point there is a line between two people being allowed to have individual lives and associate with people who the other doesn't particularly care for on one hand, and on the other having one partner in a relationship stand up for the other and refuse to tolerate it when their friends treat their SO badly. We have no idea where the friend in the OP falls. Maybe the girl is being unreasonable and controlling, or maybe the OP is letting his friends walk all over his FI and isn't standing up for her. Since we have no idea what the situation is, that's not for us to judge.
The OP came here for ideas about how to fix the situation and work it out, and yet people are just telling him stuff that's only going to make it worse...
@greenleafmountain: While I agree with what you are saying in theory, the OP has said that it was silly teen name calling and obnoxiousness that caused the original riff, any that any current disrespect is two-sided.
"Most of the issues are from years and years ago when we all knew each other as teenagers and young adults. Bad blood due to name calling/bad taste jokes/obnoxiousness etc... nothing too serious as far as I am concerned"
From what he has said, the situation is far from the extreme level, so that's not an apples to apples comparison. If it ever came to an unsolicited "spitting in the face," I think we could all wholeheartedly agree that would be time to stand up for your SO and sever the friendship for good.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I just re-read your original post as well as some of the responses. It does seem just from reading what you've posted that your fiancee is being a bit unreasonable by threatening to call off the wedding and dump you if you don't un-invite your friend. I mean, does my FI have friends who are invited to the wedding that I'm not thrilled about, sure...but at the same token I have a couple of friends who he's not too thrilled about being invited either. It's all about compromise which is so important in a healthy relationship, and a marriage is the start of a life-long relationship. Should you have talked to her about asking him to be in the wedding party knowing her feelings toward him, yes, but you also sought to rectify the situation by saying you'd take back the wedding party invite. My advice to you would not be to run, but to try to get fiancee to rationally explain to you why she hates your friend so much - name calling and rude comments hurt for sure - but so does making a person have to choose one person over another. Unless she's still a teenager (or has the maturity level of one - no offense) it just doesn't add up that she hates him so much just because of name calling. And talk to your buddy too about how much it hurts you that he and your future wife don't get along at all. Not everyone needs to be BFFs but if they are two people who love you, they should be able to at least be civil to each other. Good luck!
@alligatress: But he also said several times that she has legitimate reasons to dislike the guy.
My point is that we don't have enough info to take a side on this one, and that people are being really quick to judge. Blanket statements about what someone should always do, whether it is to defend the SO or preserve the friendship, are rarely helpful. That's all.
edit: I just saw that the OP edited his post! Sorry for any confusion, I missed that earlier... going back to read it now.
I think you should call her on her bluff. If she figures out that you will bend on this issue, you're screwed my friend. Stand your ground, he's your friend and your girl needs to get some thicker skin. I'm probably going to get bashe but I hate when girls pull this bs, seriously its like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum in a supermarket because you wont buy them candy. SERIOUSLY same thing, she is throwing a tantrum because she is not getting her way. I think you've been supportive to her and tried to understand her but it sounds like she's still stuck in high school. Stand your ground!
Yes- your fiance is overracting by asking you to not invite him to the wedding.
HOWEVER- this day is a celebration of your love and the beginning of your life together--and someone who doesn't like your future wife shouldn't be standing up there...whether he is a good friend to YOU or not. You wedding party should be supportive of your marriage, or they should not be standing by you. YOU TWO ARE BECOMING ONE. That's what marriage is--merging your lives and becoming one. All this about you being two individuals is what is bs. You need to respect your fiance's feelings...it doesn't sound like she is trying to manipulate you into not being friends with this guy (after all she has made sacrafices to let your remain friends-like not go places where he is). To tell the truth-I've had problems with friends disliking my fiance and they ended up cut out of my life- I mean people I grew up with since kindergarden- and now girls I thought would be in my wedding aren't even invited. Was it easy? no..but If they don't like the man I'm going to marry-then they don't like me. You can't get me without him-that's the way it goes. AND- It sounds like your fiance has put up with your friend's obnoxious crap until she can't take it anymore...sounds like you were aware of that and yet you asked him to be in NOT JUST YOUR wedding. Which, she let slide at first...until she realized that that was pretty crappy to have a guy who didn't like the bride standing up there. SO I don't blame her for being pissed...even though I do not agree with how she is handling this, I understand her being pissed. You need to BE A MAN- and tell your "friend" to get a grip...and if he can't treat your future wife right-then hit the road. Because- you love her..and shouldn't let anyone talk down to her-especially a so called friend. SO-talk to your friend. STAND UP FOR YOUR FIANCE. Honestly-that's what your future wife wants...for her to mean enough for you to stand up for her, and put this guy in his place. Maybe if you do that-she will be understanding of you wanting him to be AT your wedding--but I still think NOT IN it. I've been in your position before, I understand it's not easy-but you have to let your friend know, she's the most important thing to you-and if he doesn't respect that...let him walk.
couples counseling 100% that's my advice
the background is still too vague to my a decision in my opinion. bad blood from high school? it could be really bad and the fiancee sick and tired of putting up with it or it could be something that while not enjoyable you should be able to set it aside for one day. and just because the OP believes "nothing too serious as far as I am concerned" doesn't mean that it IS or ISN'T. there are no examples as to what happened - for both how the fiancee acts and how the friend acts. until we know what is deemed a serious issue and what isn't we can't know if the she is overreacting. too vague
@greenleafmountain: Yes, really. However, if what you described actually happened, I personally would have a hard time being friends with that person anymore anyway, regaurdless of how my fiance reacted. I was just being honest about how I view this type of situation. I as well as my fiance value individuality and personal friendships as being equally important to our relationship with eachother. I don't believe it was a "blanket statement" or a judgement. And I did offer a small idea on how to deal with the situation differently. I have a different opinion than most, what can I say?
I know this is an old post and may be irrelevant, but my FI asked one of his guy friends to be in our wedding when he and I have bad blood. Before he and I dated said "friend" would call me a tramp, a hussy, insult me, tell my friends i had diseases, a real piece of work. But, this was "our day" and it was one of his oldest friends. I can't say we are starting a life with just the two of us, it involves all of our friends and family coming together to start a new life. So I compromised on him being in the wedding party, but he later stepped down because of financial reasons. She is over reacting, entirely. Some name calling as teenagers is not a legitimate reason to call off your wedding.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| rebwana | 22 |
| Jenlon | 20 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| fishbone | 18 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| funkymunky85 | 6 |
| ebotlsrm | 5 |
| Lyndzo | 4 |
| AshleyR83 | 3 |
| jules28 | 3 |
| mightywombat | 2 |
| sara_tiara | 2 |
| bookworm88 | 2 |
| hammerpants | 2 |
| Eva Peron | 2 |
Long story short is this... well it is really a long story...
One of my best friends has known my fiance long before we started dating. They have never liked each other or gotten along particularly well. Over the years I have convinced both of them to make ammends as it affects our day to day lives as a couple. There have been efforts from my both my buddy and my fiance, but they always end up hating oneanother again.
Both my friend and fiance have had legit reasons for being angry with oneanother and over the years and I eventually just accepted that they will never get along. Although i would like it if they could at least socialize, my fiance has evolved to the point that she will never go anywhere where he will be and this has worked for the most part.
This never really bothered me until we got engaged and I knew it would be trouble for wedding planning. My fiance and I discussed my hated friend and she agreed that he could come to the wedding.
I then made a mistake and asked my friend to be in the wedding party without discussing with her (fiance). When i told her and she was upset, I apologized and agreed that I should've discussed with her first, but said that he is one of my closest and longest friends and I ultimately think I should be able to pick my groomsmen. Afterall, i am not the type of person who ever "hates" on anyone- no matter what good reason I may have. I am always a "forgive and forget" guy so i can't really even relate to this personality difference. After discussion, she begrudgingly agreed that he can be in the wedding party if I garunteed he would be on his best behaviour. Knowing him and his bad blood with my fiance, I had actually discussed his expected behavior in great deal when I invited him into the wedding party and he assured me that he would not cause any problems.
Anyway.... Now, my fiance has started flipping out after she recently ran into my friend at her work. She has decided that she is too stressed about having him at the wedding (let alone in the wedding party). She says him being there will ruin her day and threaten the entire wedding. She has now gone so far as to say that if I don't uninvite him, the wedding is off.
WTF am i to do?
It's not really about my buddy... push comes to shove I am more concerned with the marriage then the wedding, so she can have the day however she wants.
the problem is I cant help but think that she is being totally irrational and that this is the tip of the iceberg. I have offerred to compromise and boot him from the wedding party, but even that is not good enough for her. She wants him 100% prohibitted from the wedding.
She DOES have very legit reasons to not want him there, but ultimately he is a very good friend to me. If I cut him from the wedding then he will be cut from my life as far as I am concerned. I dont think that is a fair expectation form a wife. Am I wrong?
Thoughts/Comments/Advice?? PLEASE HELP ME.
AFTER READING A FEW RESPONSES (thank you btw).. HERE IS SOME CLARIFICATION:
1. By saying her issues are legit, I am giving her a bit of the benefit of the doubt. If she feels they are legit, then that is good enough for me which is why over time I just let it go that they were never going to get along well. Most of the issues are from years and years ago when we all knew each other as teenagers and young adults. Bad blood due to name calling/bad taste jokes/obnoxiousness etc... nothing too serious as far as I am concerned. He doesnt particularly give her much respect, but she doesn't give it to him either. They are both too sensitive toward each other becuase they both like to hold grudges! I have never really taken sides...especially since they never liked each other from before, but when I have deemed one or the other to be to blame I have spoke my mind toward the one ebing "bad" though. When both are at fault, I have said I wont get involved.
2. As for fundamental differences in values: it's true, we do have some differences. We are very much an "opposite attracts" type couple. That said, my friend (with the exception of a bad attitude toward my gf/now fiance) has been an amazing, supportive, shirt off your back type friend to ME. My fiance has been the same... I love them both in many ways!
3. As for her insisting he is not in the wedding... i mean not AT the wedding at all. As in completely uninvited. I am willing to compromise and get him out of the wedding party, but she insists he cannot be there at all and has said she will call off the wedding and "dump" me if I won't uninvite him. She doesn't feel I have her back, obviously, but at the same time she doesn't know all the times I have given my buddy shit and to what extent and in particular the lengths I went to discussing the wedding with him and laying the groundwork for him to be included and make ammends with my fiance. I've tried to tell her, but she doesn't beleive me since there have been times I have taken his side and the history here stretches over such a long period (and Ias I mentioned, she hold a grudge like a champ).
I suggested we avoid the whole hassle and take off and eloupe (which we discussed in the first place because I knew that problems like this might arise and stress her to the max because she is a hot head and our families are different, our friends are different, our temperments are different etc etc). To me- if I am still wanting to get married and she does to... isn't it about the marriage and not the wedding?