Huge meltdown

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Bettyboo1982:  Hi, I’m new and don’t have much background to your situation but I’m so sorry to hear what happened *hughs*

I understand how hard it is to feel like we’re just waiting on them to get their act together and do something about the next step, unfortunately I’m in the same situation 🙁

Like you, I try to shut-it-up and just hope that we are on our way but only to realize that he is a snail when it comes to it, no matter how much he says he’s trying it seems like he’s taking his sweet time, ugh, how frustrating.  Men are really dumb sometimes, they do not see it, mine says that we only need a few weeks to plan a wedding…I don’t want a big one, but still, there is a lot of planning involved.

What did he say in the end? did it seem like it clicked to him? sometimes they need a nudge, a big one :/

 

Post # 4
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@Bettyboo1982:  the whole I want to be done having kids at 35 is kind of a weak argument. There’s no guarantee that even if you are married next year that that will be the case. You really can’t plan life like that- it doesn’t work. Relax and enjoy your life. 

Post # 8
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Bettyboo1982:  I am seriously starting to think men are so clueless when it comes to children…how many kids does he want?

I’m at high risk because I’m little and my bf was an almost 10 pound baby lol so I keep telling him that the risks are high already and the older I am the worse they could get :/ He agrees, yet doesn’t do much…sometimes you just want to slap them into realizing time is passing by! I guess they don’t have a “deadline” of when to have children by, but as women we do!

And like a pp said, there is no guarantee you’d have a child by 35 but the longer it takes to sort things out and get married the longer it takes to at least start trying. 

You should try to talk to him once things have settled down a bit, explain to him that it really worries you that you won’t be able to have as many kids as you want if you start late or that the longer you guys take the higher risk you’ll be in to have kids.  You love him and you really want to spend the rest of your life with him, but the waiting to really start that life is taking a toll in your hopes and dreams and it’s time that you won’t be getting back and you could be enjoying as a married couple instead.

 

From what you said, at least he does realize he could be doing something better, that’s a start at least!

Men see things very differently, maybe ask for a clear timeline? not to a certain date and time but at least by a certain month or so?

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@cherriesandcream:  totally unrelated to the original post but…I just visited a friend today because she had a baby last week. She’s pretty tiny, and her husband was also a 10lb baby, so she was pretty worried. Their daughter was 6lbs 1oz. at birth. So you might have a small baby!

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

At your age you don’t have time to waste ‘waiting’ for him to move things forward. I’d let him know you love him and want to marry him, you’d prefer to be engaged by xyz date. If he isn’t on board with that maybe it’s time to reevaluate where you stand with eachother.  

I’d hate to see you still here waiting at 31 or 32. It’s another year lost where you could’ve been TTC. It doesn’t take 4 years to get a ring unless you’re eyeing an elizabeth tayloresque ring.

Post # 13
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@pineapplez17:  you have no idea how good it makes me feel to read that! thanks a lot 🙂 There is hope for me then lol

 

 

@Bettyboo1982:  4 kids?! and he hasn’t thought about starting by now and is blowing money on other stuff? even if not engaged, if he really wanted that many kids he’d be setting a fund to save up, kids can get so expensive! Any history of twins or triplets in either family? lol that could at least make it seem more realistic at this point. 

How in the world is he spending money on fixing a shed? is that a backup plan for him or something? He sounds like he does want marriage and kids yet he thinks there’s still enough time…I bet you look younger then? :p

I’m 25, so my bomb hasn’t really gone off but I do come from a culture where let’s say I’m long overdue for a kid, most of my friends are already on their 2nd or 3rd so it doesn’t help. However I used to say I didn’t want to start trying until I was like 28 or 29, yet I’m sitting here writing that he needs to hurry up lol

Post # 16
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Bettyboo1982:  How were you able to not say anything since November? I am at that place where I have to constantly tell myself “don’t dare to bring it up, don’t do it” lol

and sometimes not talking about it makes it worse, he thought you guys were in a comfortable spot and just kept living life as usual? At least now he really knows how you’ve been feeling for the past couple of months and can see how much it’s affecting you and potentially the relationship if he doesn’t get his act together.

Have you ever thought about walking out? It seems like you guys have a solid relationship, he is just stuck on being 21 like you said lol

Post # 15
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

@Bettyboo1982:  How were you able to not say anything since November? I am at that place where I have to constantly tell myself “don’t dare to bring it up, don’t do it” lol

and sometimes not talking about it makes it worse, he thought you guys were in a comfortable spot and just kept living life as usual? At least now he really knows how you’ve been feeling for the past couple of months and can see how much it’s affecting you and potentially the relationship if he doesn’t get his act together.

Have you ever thought about walking out? It seems like you guys have a solid relationship, he is just stuck on being 21 like you said lol

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