Huge WTF moment

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’ve been there but you have to remember it’s going to come. It’s sad that this whole waiting deal ruined what sounded like a beautiful night. Enjoy the time with your SO and trust him to pick the right time. If he’s already got the ring thn just let it go and wait. Many women don’t even know when the ring comes in, you have that advantage.  Try not to pressure him and just let him do his thing. And try to enjoy your time together, your distance may be the reason he’s waiting to ask. Perhaps try the waiting advice they give you, go out with friends, start an exercise routine, just don’t bring up the engagement. He will ask, you just have to have patience. Dont let this put a riff in your relationship, this should be a happy and exciting time not an angry time.

Post # 5
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@beginningagain:  I was there. I felt exactly like you. I went to a perfect date and nothing. So I talked to him and we ended up picking an engagement date together. But it wasn’t easy, we had a loooong discussion about it, I slept on the sofa that night… BUT the next day, after work, he said he understood that a tradition is not necessarily the best thing to do if it is not what both people want. He realized that he was only doing the surprise thing because he thought that is what I expected, and other people. He realized other people really, but really didn’t matter, and that it left me and him, and that it was not what I wanted. But it took him a long time (I had hinted at that a few times before that night when I could just not take it anymore) to understand that. And a lot of people were surprised that I knew. But it was the best three weeks after I knew, and the best day all day on the day we had picked. You can’t keep feeling like that.

I felt better after telling him that I felt super sad to be left in the dark and wondering what was going on, and that it was OUR decision, not just his. You know, people say that the engagement is the guy’s part and that the wedding is the girl’s part, but as I told my SO and as another bee said so rightly in a previous post, waiting for someone to tell you he is ready for you two to spend your life together is wayyyy different than waiting for someone to plan a wedding, which is a big celebration. For me, being part of the engagement meant everything. Not the wedding. 

It is YOUR life too, you know, if you want to, talk about it with him! At this point, he has the ring, he is committed, I don’t see why he couldn’t have an adult conversation about it!

My thoughts are with you and all those patient beyond limits bees out there.

Post # 6
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh that’s rough. At least you know he has the ring, that’s one thing down. Would he be willing to discuss an approximate proposal time to help alleviate some of the stress? SO and I have picked a particular week, so I can still be surprised but I won’t be going totally insane once the ring comes in. Maybe something like that could help?

Post # 7
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@beginningagain:  i’d level with him. tell him that duh, when you know he has the ring, takes you to dinner and a carriage ride you obviously get your hopes up. tell him that he needs to play it cool unless he’s going to propose – it’s only fair to you. 

has he had the ring long?

Post # 10
1080 posts
Bumble bee

@beginningagain:  that’s really horrible for him to do that to you. If you know he’s had the ring for months then he shouldn’t be leading you on like that.

In his mind, I bet he thinks it’ll be fun to keep teasing you so that one day you have a date like that again but will expect nothing, and then he’ll surprise you. But that just isn’t fair.

Have you told him how you got your hopes up??

Post # 11
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@soupir:  That’s a nice explanation of your situation. These faux suprises seem so fakey and staged to me, I’d much rather do wha tyou and your FI did.


Post # 12
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@soupir:  +1 for this! SO and I are now on the same page and I’m so much happier than having to twiddle my thumbs and wait in the dark!

@beginningagain:  he’s had it for 6 months and you’ve heard nothing? that’s just silly. Sit that boy down and tell him how you’re feeling. Tell him it’s your life too and you would like to have a part in deciding on your future together. And tell him what you’ve told us, that you feel like you’re being taken for granted. Ask him why it’s so important for him to keep you in the dark at the expense of you feeling this way.

Post # 14
8389 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@beginningagain:  I think you just have to appreciate that your SO is taking you on nice romantic dates and not worry about the proposal.  You’re with the person you want to be with, so enjoy that time together.  I agree with the other bees that recommend talking to your SO and being open about your feelings.  If you really feel like you no longer want to marry him, you need to let him know.

Post # 16
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@beginningagain:  I think the suggestion of taking marriage off the table is coming from a bitter place, I don’t think you mean it. And if a stranger on the internet can observe that, your SO will see through you, too.

Have another calm, not cranky, discussion with him about future plans. Ask him if he is still interested in having a future together, if he sees you two getting married. He may have gotten cold feet about proposing and marriage.

If he’s just teasing, then your expression that you feel he doesn’t want to marry you may wake him up a bit.

Best of luck!

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