Post # 1
Can I vent please? Thanks for commiserating in my irritation…
First some background: FI is hugely popular and I am from a hugely large family. Just one problem, we are paying for our entire wedding ourselves (save a generous donation from my dad that will cover photography and his aunt for the cake and invitations). Our budget only allows for 125 guests. Try as we might, we could only get the guest list down to 176. We decided to invite +1s only for people that were married, engaged, or living with someone. I double enveloped and addressed the invites to make it very clear (i.e. you are invited, but not your 10 year old daughter or random date).
Everyone knows the situation. We love you all, but there is not money or space to invite you all (our dream list had 400+ guests). The replies have started to trickle in. A very good GIRL friend of FI (I emphasize GIRL because girls always know the rules of weddings. You know its true) RSVP’s for herself + 1. I asked FI to call her and gently explain the situation. Turns out her +1 is a mutual girlfriend of herself and FI that didnt make the cut. Instead of ‘so sorry! I didnt realize I couldnt bring a guest’ her reply is that friend X is offended she wasnt invited and ‘is just going to crash if she cant come as my guest’. WTF? Do people seriously crash weddings? Scratch that…do people, after I have told you that we do not have space for your friend, still insist on bringing them? WTF?
I am seriously worried that my beautiful wedding is slowly evolving into a super bowl party…ACT I in my head:
What are you doing this weekend?
Going to a wedding.
Can I come?
Sure. You can be my guest!
Huh…why didnt I elope?
Post # 3
Wow. What was your response to the crashing thing? How old is this person?
Post # 4
I would lie. (I seem to advocate lies on these boards too often).
Just tell the friend that there literally won’t be a place for X to sit, but if there are any last minute cancellations she’ll be top on your list.
Then you can just say that nobody cancelled.
But that is SUPER rude. I would have uninvited the friend for pulling something like that.
Post # 5
Wow! that’s just ridiculous. I suggest you tell this friend that she definitely can’t bring a guest and that this other friend should not show up at your wedding unless she would like to be escorted to the exit!
Post # 6
We’re grown! I’m 28. Even better…she (the +1) will need to book a flight and hotel room to attend. I guess I should be touched that it is that important to her to attend, but the truth is that this is becoming a ‘I was there’ type of situtation. I’ve never even heard of her so she and FI cannot be THAT close. She just wants to come and see who else was there and what every one was wearing (trust me, this is why).
So anyways, FI and I had an argument and then I just texted the original guest myself and very politely told her she can’t bring a guest. FI is sweet and friendly and hates to tell people no. Me? Not so much.
The wedding is in 58 days, and I hate to have arguments with him this close over crap like this. But seriously, I have aunts and cousins that aren’t invited. So friends of friends should just tactfully suck it up and check out the pictures on facebook damn-it…
Post # 7
What a ridiculous response! I think you (or FI) just need to be very firm about it and say "As much as we would have liked to invite everyone, our venue really can’t hold everyone and we have a lot of family members to invite and we really couldn’t justify inviting friend X over our extended family, whom we are dearly close to. I really hope friend X will know better than to add stress, inconvenience, and rudeness on our happy day. If she’s really that miffed, she is free to not invite us to her wedding in the future."
Post # 8
I think you can handle this one of three ways:
- Explain to her politely again that there is just not space at the reception to accomadate her guest and that while you would have loved to invited everyone to the wedding, it just wasn’t feasible. Tell her once you have recieved all of the RSVPs that you will reconsider the situation.
- Work with your reception coordinator. Provide a list of the guest who are and are not invited, and make sure only those who are definitely invited are allowed into the reception. They should be able to do this for you.
- Give in, count another head :/ Not the best option but prevents arguments and a party crasher.
So sorry this happened to you!