Weddingbee boards

My uncle's wife is addicted to Xanax.  I've mentioned that here before, and sometimes refer to her as my Xanax aunt.  Anyway, last night they hosted my birthday party in their home and my aunt was messed up.  I know I've kinda made a joke out of it before, but the situation is serious and this ordeal really humiliated me.  Apparently, my aunt harrassed FSIL, FCIL, and FMIL for Xanax all night.  If you tell my aunt that someone you know sells/buys/knows where to get Xanax, when she gets messed up on them, she'll harrass those people.  So, you can never tell her if anyone you know gets a prescription for them or something.  She's been known to call strangers at their jobs asking for pills.  Well, one of my FSILs told my aunt that FMIL takes a lot of pills.  FMIL has fibromyalgia.  She does take a lot of medication, but Xanax is NOT one of her meds.  So, because FSIL opened her big mouth, my aunt kept begging for pills last night.  My FSIL also told my aunt that my other FSIL knows where to get Xanax.  So, she got harrassed too.  Although, I don't mind that because I can't stand that particular FSIL.  Then, my aunt walked right up to my FCIL as soon as she got to the party and asked for pills.  My FCIL and her husband don't do pills.  They drink on the weekends, but they don't do pills.  They were mortified.

I am horrified right now.  Now some of my in-laws have seen my aunt's true colors.  My biggest fear is that she'll show up like that to my wedding.  She claims she takes the Xanax to "calm her nerves".  But, I feel like that is an excuse for addiction.  There was NOTHING stressful about my party last night.  Nothing.  It was in my aunt and uncle's home.  No public, no crowds.  Everyone there was family.  My aunt has met FI's mom, sister, and cousin several times, so it's not like she was nervous to meet them.  I can only imagine how "stressed" she'll be on my wedding day =[

Didn't mean to post this in "Beehive".  Sorry!

I was on Xanax several years ago for anxiety and panic attacks.  I had a pretty strong reaction to it and stay as far away as I possibly can from it now... but at the time, I found myself taking a little bit more than was prescribed.  My personality changed and I made choices I would never have done otherwise.  Thankfully, I didn't involve anyone else in it and I mostly slept far more than was healthy, but I feel for your aunt.  She obviously has a full-blown addiction. 

I started using them to "calm my nerves" and I knew full-well that I wasn't just calming my nerves when I was using more than I needed to for relief.  The one thing I will suggest though, is that while she is abusing the medication, she may still be feeling the symptoms of her anxiety compounded by the symptoms of addiction.  So, in effect, the anxiety is actually worse than ever.  And family get-togethers were always extremely difficult for me... more so than the public.

Has her husband tried to do anything?  It's a shame, but if he has to miss your wedding to keep her from humiliating you then it's another loss to the addiction.  I'm so sorry your family is dealing with this. 

She has been suffering from addiction for about eleven-ish years now.  It got so bad, at one point, that she ended up having a mini-stroke in her bathroom and now anytime she takes Xanax, half of her face goes limp.  You can always tell she's messed up if half of her face is drooping.  She has showed up to two family weddings on pills.  The first one, she nearly ruined.  At the second one, she actually pooped in her pants and had to be cleaned.

When she is "high" there is no calming her down, putting her in check, or keeping her quiet.  She talks wayy louder than normal, and gets mad very easily. When she gets mad, she starts screaming at people and makes a HUGE scene.  She went to one wedding a few weeks ago and my uncle refused to let her take anything to "calm down".  She was grumpy and bitchy the whole time because she wanted Xanax and my uncle wouldn't let her take one.  But, she was NORMAL.  She didn't embarrass anyone or act out.

I am not sure why my FSIL would ever divulge her mother's medical information to anyone.  Especially when she doesn't know the extent of it.  Also, when FSIL knew that telling my aunt about FMIL having pills would result in my aunt harrassing her.  I also don't understand why people who know the extent of my aunt's addiction continue to give her the pills!  She has almost died from them!  My cousins have no respect for their mom, whatsoever.  It's very sad.  My uncle is a good man, like a second father to me, and I feel bad that he has to deal with this.

Meanwhile, on FB, my aunt posts about Jesus and God all day.  She is so hypocritical, it's not even funny.

@Pinksapphire:  Oh my god, that is beyond anything I thought it was... I am so, so sorry.  Your uncle must be devastated.  I really wish I knew what to say.  My heart goes out to you!

She isn't ALWAYS like this, just about once a month.

Sometimes, she'll stay clean for soo long.  But, I have another relative who gets a Xanax prescription.  That relative doesn't care about my aunt, uncle, or their sons.  She sells my aunt the pills and makes fun of her when she's all messed up making a fool of herself.

I can imagine why you would feel humilated - that really sucks - but hopefully most mature adults realize that a) no family is perfect, and b) her behavior is no reflection on you.

One thing I would suggest is not gossip or vent too much about her to your in-laws. If its brought up, you can say "yeah its really sad" and leave it at that. From personal experience with an alcoholic family member, its more uncomfortable when other members of the family are constantly bringing it up. 

@mandypop:  I definitely don't and have never gossiped about her to my in-laws.  My FSIL specifically requested that I NEVER tell FMIL about my aunt's addiction, so I never did.  The problem is, my aunt couldn't control herself for ONE night, and she got messed up in front of my FMIL, FCIL, and FSIL.  Now, they know.  I can't hide or deny it.  Since then, I've done my best at downplaying the situation.  I told them that she'd just been drinking a lot of wine last night.  I explained her constant asking for Xanax as she gets really nervous at functions and likes one to take the edge off.  They don't believe me, I don't think, but I won't discuss it further.

@Mrs. Maple Syrup:  Well, it's pretty much how I explained it.  FSIL told my aunt that my FMIL takes a lot of medication.  My FSIL is a truth stretcher.  My FMIL has a ton of medical issues.  The way my FSIL tells it, her mom takes pills for nothing.  I guess this is because you can't "see" fibromyalgia or a seizure disorder.  These stories about my FMIL's "pill popping" (she is NOT a pill popper, all of her meds are prescribed and she never gets messed up off anything), are all dramatizations by my FSIL.  My FSIL knows that my aunt has an addiction and that if she finds out someone has pills, she's gonna harrass them.  So, I'm not too sure why she'd ever divulge such personal information about FMIL.  But, she did. 

@lia22:  It really sucks having to worry about stuff like this happening at your own wedding by your own family members =[  I am planning to talk to my uncle, and I know he'll do his best to make sure his wife isn't messed up at my wedding, but she's a grown woman.  I've got another aunt who actually supplies the Xanax.  If they're both at the wedding, she'll end up giving her a pill behind everyone's back, even my uncle's.  If that is the case she will be asked to leave.  I would hate for my uncle to have to leave, but I don't want her behaving how she did at my cousin's wedding.

When she's high, she goes around begging people for Xanax if she thinks/knows they have them.  She drinks way too much to try and strengthen the effect of the pills.  Every little thing pisses her off or she finds it offensive.  Then, she is very confrontational and starts screaming and yelling.  She'll try to steal stuff that she likes.  She tried to steal centerpieces from my cousin's wedding and put them in her purse.  I would hate for my FILs and some of my mom's family/friends to see that.

I say it's time to call the situation what it is and not cover for her anymore.  It isn't gossip to state she has an addiction and is not in treatement for it and it certainly isn't more damaging than her actions.  Put a name to it.  She's an addict.  She needs help.  It's not really about who's embarrassed at this point. 

If I were you, I'd draw the line.  No more offering explanations for her odd behavior.  No one should have to take responsibility for this other than her and the family needs to be united on that approach.

@jjmomma: <--- what she said. Stop trying to gloss this over to make her look better. She needs help and she's not going to get it if everyone is covering for her. As for your aunt that supplies the pills, could you talk to her as well?