Post # 1
I’m still obcessing over my bridal party.
I don’t want to have a huge number of bridesmaids. Too many people to coordinate, and I’m just not that type of person. I like things simple. My fiance picked is groomsmen- he is having 6 (brother, cousin an some old friends)
to the punchline- I want to have my 3 sisters and my college roomate as bridesmaids (so thats 4 total). I want to ask my fiance’s SIL and his best friend’s wife to do readings during the ceremony. Is it crappy of me to not have his SIL as a bridesmaid? I like her as a person but pretty much all of our interactions have been centered around family gatherings, as is most of our conversation (FI, her husband their kids, etc)
However, as much as I don’t really want a huge bridal party, if its going to make me look bad I’d just have FSIL an FI’s friend’s wife as bridesmaids (for the record I’m way closer to FI’s friend’s wife)
Post # 3
if you’d rather have less, then less is best- unless it will cause a family fight or something. you sound like the idea of 6 bridesmaids would not make things "simple". so why feel crappy about not asking SIL? bc Fi will have more groomsmen? i think asking her to do readings is fine unless you are really close or FI is having your brother in his party.
Post # 4
Since I am going completely simple, and just having my sister stand up for me, my first reaction is to wonder how 6 BMS can be that much more complicated than 4? However, I think you get to do what you want. I don’t think its crappy of you at all not to have FI’s SIL (so let’s see, related to FI only by marriage…) as a BM. If FI also had 3 sisters, and a couple more married brothers, would you feel obligated to have 10 BMs (I think I counted right – 3 sisters, 1 roomie, 3 FSILs and 3 FSILs once removed. Or whatever you call your husband’s SILs.) Maybe you feel bad because she is the only sort of immediate family member not a BM, but you’re not really obligated to include every female family member. I think including her as giving a reading will be very nice. And, although you don’t say how close you really are to her, if you’re not that close it might be weird for her to be in the group with your sisters and roomie, who I’m sure are very close to you.
Post # 5
i’m having 6. way more than i wanted….but in the end i chose a few bc i thought i would regret NOT doing it in the future…..
my FI has one sister and i have not asked her to be a BM. i plan to ask her to do a reading or sing. i really just cant stomach having 7 BMs. especially with FI is only having 1!
she has called me twice since the engagement…..and it occured to me that she may be fishing for that, but like you, I only know her thru family functions. she is not a friend. and i believe it would be wierd to include her on such a level.
Post # 6
for the record- is not his sister, its his brother’s wife, so yeah, she’s only relate by marriage. And yes, one of the things holding me back is that we’re not really close, and I would feel a little awkward asking her. I do like her as a person (even though we’re not close beyond family things- I mean who’s to say we won’t be closer in the future). He is having his brother and I am havivng my sisters (all of whom are younger than me and none are married) My sisters and my old roomies are all clsoe and I don’t feel the formality with them that I feel I would feel if I asked her.
Post # 7
Even if you choose to have only four on your side and six on his I think it’s okay. When my fiance picked his guys I was alright with my four BFs. It would’ve been uneven but I wanted to pick the girls that meant the world to me. We’ve known each other for TOO long and even though none of us live near eachother anymore we’re still there for eachother. But at the end I had to put his sisters in it too. I guess they’re close (he’s like a father figure to them) and I suggested they stood on his side but I was questioned on why they couldn’t stand with my girls. Oh how i wanted to say "They mean nothing to me!" But who wants to start a marriage off with a family fight? I don’t think you have to include future sis-in-law in your bridal party. She’s only related to FI through marriage and you’re not close anyways. I’m sure she’s not expecting to be in it.
Post # 8
i was in sort of the same situation — my FI’s brother recently got engaged, but i don’t know his FI at all so i chose not to have her in my bridal party. it’s exactly like you say — she’s a nice girl it wouldn’t be the same feel if she was there (as we’re all close). it was a little weird, but no one made an issue out of it (thankfully).
i told my FI’s sister (who is in my bridal party and who is close to the brother’s FI): "by the way, i wasn’t planning on asking brother’s FI to be a bridesmaid. do you think she would want to be an usher though?" that way it was clear what i was thinking (so there would be no awkward conversations — i’m so bad with that!) and that she still felt like she was being included.
so i would have whoever you want without worrying about how many it is or who isn’t included. what’s most important is that you’re with the people who are close to you during this *very* stressful time!
Post # 9
no worries – if you’re not "close" to your SIL, and you dont "want" her as a Bm then dont…
who says the BP has to match up – friends dont come in pringle packs, neither does the BP – it’s ok!
last year my GF had 12 BMs and 8 GMs – they were just as married and just as happy..
go for it!!
Post # 10
man, i’m a simple person so i’m only having 2! having 6 seems like way to many! i don’t even think i have 6 friends! haha. sad. nah, it’s his sister, not yours. she’ll understand hopefully.