Post # 1
This is more of a vent, but I’m curious how many other 20 somethings are going through it. Mr. Tacos and I are getting engaged this year (he has a date picked out! EEE!) but have dated for less than a year. My parents never pressured me for children, but since my last long-term relationship ended, I’m constantly being reminded that “time is running out” and that I’m getting older. My mother looked at me holding a dog and said I was ready for a “little one”.
No, I’m not ready for a “little one”, and I’m only 26. And while Mr. Tacos and I are preparing for marriage, the furthest thing from my mind is a baby. I don’t want to start trying (as of now) until I am 31.
Does anyone else have to deal with this? How do you handle it tactfully?
And why on earth are they pushing for marriage so much?
Post # 3
My mom is (strangely enough) never really pushing me for marriage but is pushing for babies. Its mostly because my cousins have been poppin’ them out like crazy lately and she’s now one of only 2 of the aunt/uncle generation who doesn’t have any grandkids. But– I blame my brother. He’s almost 33! He needs to get on it before me 🙂
Post # 4
Our generation is having kids a lot later than our parents’ did. I would just tell her that you want to focus on career, marriage, finances, whatever for now, and that most people wait to have kids now. I didn’t even get married until 29, and we started trying 10 mos after the wedding.
Post # 5
Me! (raises hand). lol
I’m 29 and will be 30 when we’re married. My mom went so far as to ask one of the MDs she works with (she’s a nurse who works with a bunch of OB/GYNs) what the ‘best age’ is for a woman to have her first child. He said, 28. She proceeded to freak out because I’m past that age and I still plan on waiting (till maybe 31, 32…). Poor mom…I said I’d buy her a puppy in the interim lol.
In today’s day and age, women are having their first babies at a later age than our parents’ generation. It’s true that there are added risks and it may not be as easy as say when your in your early 20s, but where along the spectrum isn’t there risk? In my early 20s (and speaking only for myself) I was in no way shape or form financially responsible enough to have a child. Isn’t it more risky to have a child and not be able to afford to responsibly care for said child? So when I get the question, I tell my mom that we do want children one day, but in today’s day and age (and economy especially), we need to be responsible because we don’t want to bring a baby into this world and not be fully financially stable for it. Plus, we live in a one BR condo…we need a house first.
Post # 6
I’ve been struggling with this from my parents for a few years now too! I finally told them that every time they bring it up it ads another year onto the wait. That sure shut my mom up at least!
Post # 7
If I decide to have kids I’d like to have my first one around 30-32. I think thats a perfectly reasonable age… old enough to be secure and financially stable, young enough that fertility isn’t a *big* issue. Of course, I definitely don’t want more than 2, so my idea time period would be to have the two between 30-35.
Post # 8
I’ve got the opposite problem. My parents are telling me to wait several years before having kids, and we don’t want to wait. I’m 26 and FI is about to turn 30.
Post # 9
I will be 22 when I am married and my FI will be 23. We are planning on waiting a few years to make sure we can support children financially. I want to have mine all in a row, so depending on how many we have, we have to be ready to put food on the table! 🙂
Post # 10
Hang in there, and NO you definitely are not old!! I am turning 26 this year….and we’re probably waiting 1-2 years.
Post # 11
We are already getting questions about kids and we are only 22/23! It’s completely ridiculous!
Post # 12
We get the little suggestions from our mothers constantly. But honestly, it doesn’t bother me! I’m so excited to have kids with Cam – I can’t wait until we’re at that stage of our life together. Unfortunately for us, it looks like I have to wait a while even for that!
Post # 13
Just the fact the my new hubby WANTS to have kids has made his mother happy! My mom was very adament that I get a degree before a ring, and she’d prefer that I get my doctorate before we have kids. There will be kids, but I’ll probably be in my 30s before we get around to having them.
Post # 14
Mr. Library and I will both be 24 when we get married, and both of our mothers have already started talking about us having kids. We have both agreed that we will have them when they come, but if we have anything to say about it (which we do… I can already hear God laughing…) we would like to wait until we have had a few years of marriage just together. We’re both fresh out of grad school, looking for jobs, and saddled with huge student loans (thanks Ivy League!). We’re in no shape for kids, but the pressure is on!
Post # 15
My Mother has never pushed me. She claims she’s too young to be a grandmother… she’s not. But my FI’s Mother constantly says, “I can’t wait to see what your kids are going to look like!”. I’m always uncomfortable with the course of the conversation and I’m not sure why. I guess there are some inner dynamics I’d rather not explain lol. They have to do with other members of the family being in constant competition. I do however feel and internal push. I want children soooo bad. But I also care enough about the unborn children to know not to try until we’re stable and really ready. So, we wait….
Post # 16
I never was really pressured into have kids until after I had my 1st kid. I don’t want this to sound really horrible, but we were pressured into getting married because I was pregnant, and not because of like religious reasons or anything. It was due to insurance, but we still loved each other, just ended up getting married earlier than planned. But then after we had the first one everyone kept asking when we were gonna try for another one! Even now, a year after my husband got fixed, we get asked so when are you guys gonna try for a girl?
So its not the same, but I still understand how annoying that can be to get asked that!