Post # 1
My sweetie and are about to be married, what we hoped would be a wedding with just our parents and friends has grown to monstrous disaster. We do not get along with our siblings and haven’t spoken for years to either on each side. Yet our parents feel we should invite them to the wedding.
I had a huge argument with MOMzilla last night. Apparently, I am nothing and not worth a damn. She said a handful more, but why ruin the rest of my afternoon with more of those sweet words.
It hurts after she told me how much she thought of me and wished my marriage to fail cause it is a now a sham. All this from the woman who doesn’t speak to her brother (24yrs) or sister (6yrs) respectively.
What do you think we should do, since I just want to elope now? How much of the money can I kiss goodbye and feel comfortable.
How can I walk down the aisle with her assuming we patch up? I lost my father to cancer and she is all I have left aside from the two sisters who can’t stand me.
1. What do I tell the guests? Where do I start.
Bewildered and Hurt 10.10.10 Bride
Post # 3
damn girl. i feel for you and hope you have a beautiful and happy day. my father also passed away a few years ago, and i was extremely close to not inviting my mother, who has gone on the record to say awful things to me just like what you typed above. in the end i let her come out of just giving up, and to keep the family ‘happy’ (i think they just didn’t want questions from hubby’s fam about where she was, etc.). lucky for me she behaved herself, but in the end i found that i did not need her there. then again i had many other caring family members there from my side, and it sounds like you don’t have that luxury. do you get along well with your fiance’s family?
if you want some advice: don’t feel pressured to surround yourself with people who don’t care about you or treat you like crap just for the sake of decorum or to save face or whatever. if you really want a big wedding and you feel like you would look back disappointed if you elope, then have your wedding and enjoy it with people that make you happy. if not, then go elope!
people have this tendancy to think that events like weddings (and oddly, funerals) have requirements that every person you know and are related to need to attend, even if you haven’t spoken to them in years, hate them, fear them, whatever. this is crazy and it’s not worth driving yourself nuts over. don’t give your ownership of your wedding over to people who treat you worse than strangers.
Post # 4
I’m sorry this had to happen, especially so close to the date My advice is to sleep on it, then let things marinate some more. Don’t decide to change anything while you are upset. Cry it out, hug your Fi, and just sleep.When you wake-up, you need to focus on the important things: how you are about to marry the love of your life, and no one and I mean no one can change or ruin that. A wedding is only secondary to what’s truly important – your love for one another.
You’ll figure out what to do after you’ve processed it all. *HUGS*
Post # 5
Thank you so much for the virtual hug I truly needed. I talked to family and friends and I feel only a bride would truly understand. I have been trying to find it in myself to let it go and I can’t cause it hurts too much. I forgive and become the bigger person everytime and this time I just can’t. My sweetheart has his own dilemas and I guess that’s what made us stronger as a couple. As the oldest of each family we are given the burden and we are TIRED.
He never wanted a huge wedding and neither did I, but we comprimised for family and look where its getting us. Enemy #1 on both ends. I should have never put it in my mind that this could be possible. All I want is my sanity and it loosing my deposits and having our day means happiness so be it.
Thanks again, I” keep you posted. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger I guess?
Post # 6
Im so sorry you are dealing with this.As a personwho spends the vast majority of their life “being the bigger person”I have this advice for you! THIS IS YOUR WEDDING AND IF THERE IS ANY TIME IN YOUR LIFE YOU SHOULD NOT COMPROMISE THIS IS IT!!! Sorry for the caps but thats my advice! DOnt make any decisions while you are upset and DONT cancel the wedding because your mother is a crazy. You are not doing anything wrong and if you dont speak to your sisters there is NO reason for them to attend…especially if there is any active dislike amongst you guys. I hope this all works out for you and Im so sorry you had to hear such terrible things from someone who is supposed to care about you
As another PP said, people have misconceptions when it comes to certain events. they think more about how things appear and could care less about how they are(insisting you invite siblings with whom you dont speak) but dont let them get to you. this is the one time in your life where its ok to say…I hear what you are saying but we are doing it MY WAY. the ONLY person with say so on the giest list is FI…and thats it(Unless your parents are financing things which makes things more difficult….but i still wouldnt bend to pressure)
*HUGS* and Good Luck!
Post # 7
@Vitsippa: Your words of comfort are warmer than the sun. You know what Vitsippa, you are reinforcing what we learned in Pre-Cana. We wanted a church ceremony to keep our faith near and retain the structure of religion. Secondary was the reception that was getting out of hand.
It is all about us and our date for many more blessings even if my Momzilla, his wacky dad n sibblings aren’t happy for us. He is the ying to my yang and such a calmer breath of fresh air to my firey side. He likes to sit back and see what unravels and I act on it right away. I am going to standby one more day for him, but I am leaning towards not having my mother there.
I’ll keep you posted, we were just called by his mom to visit tonight. Wish me luck.
Post # 8
@MrsWall2B: Thanks MrsWall2B,
I was feeling guilty about it, cause its in my nature and I’m a mommy pleaser. Everytime she does something like this I go right back to square one and regret it. I haven’t spoken to her since yesterday and I can here her walking around the house. A majority of my wedding items are in her room, so now I am debating whether to leave the dress for her since she paid for it and buy my own. I am staying at her house until the wedding now I don’t know if this was worth it.
So many decisions to make in 72hrs. My deadline is coming up soon on making payments and I don’t know how much of this I can take. This is SUPER STRESSFULL, who dreams of this. I am maxed out, I bow my hat to younger women that get it together at 35, I feel like 5.