Post # 1
I am confused and hurt by a comment my friend and bridesmaid made the other day and I do not know whether I should say something to her or just let it go. Our wedding was just published in a magazine and there was a picture of me with my bridesmaids featured. I was excited about it so I scanned it and sent it to all my bridesmaids with the subject line “My beautiful ladies” – something I thought was completely nice and harmless and complimentary to them.
All of them wrote back saying how the spread looked amazing and they loved the picture and how excited they were except for one, who made an obnoxious comment (and replied all to the email). She said “That’s nice. If my parents were loaded maybe I would be sending out the pictures.” She also just got married and had a lovely wedding which was at a beautiful venue that cost a pretty penny (I know this because she told me what it was costing when she was trying to decide).
Her parents paid for her wedding, too, so I do not really understand where she is coming from or why she would make that comment. Other bridesmaids emailed me separately and said that they were offended and though it was weird she would say that considering she also had an elaborate, large wedding that her parents paid for.
I am hurt by this but I want to just pretend that she did not say anything and move on but I am worried that it will eat at me and also that another bridesmaid will say something to her. I told her not to but she tends to run off at the mouth when she is drunk and I am worried it will come out. What would you do if you were in my situation?
Post # 3
@busterbluth:Let it go the wedding is over.
Post # 4
Her comment didn’t even make sense. If you’re bothered by it, ask her what she meant by it. The sooner you clear the air, the sooner you two can be friends again with no hard feelings or grudges.
Post # 5
I would be really hurt by that e-mail as well, and I think for the sake of our friendship, I would have to say something. Your friend should be happy for you. You weren’t gloating or rubbing it in their face (from the sounds of it), you were sharing with them a happy moment and one of them, who already had their happy moment, was being quite rude. I wouldn’t send a group response or anything. I would call her and ask her what that e-mail is all about. She probably will feel very awkward and not know what to say, but she shouldn’t say stuff like that. I would need to talk to her about it because otherwise it would eat me up.
Post # 6
Let it go. Know that it comes from her being jealous and lashing out. Making a bigger deal of it won’t really solve anything. Be a friend and move past it.
Post # 7
She is probably just jealous that her turn is over. Let it go,saying something would just make it worse.
Post # 8
I said I would say something myself, but we are all different. If you don’t want to bring it up that’s ok, and you don’t have to. I would just want to make sure that just because you’re not bringing it up doesn’t mean you’re harboring bad feelings about what she said. I suggest trying to move past it and figure out for yourself why she would say that. Sometimes understanding people’s behavior can help us move past it, and I’m guessing that salvaging a friendship with this person is what you want to do.
Could she be jealous that your wedding was in a magazine and hers wasn’t? Could she be jealous that you got things in your wedding that she wanted and didn’t get to have? Jealousy causes some weird actions, and by no means does it mean that was she said was ok. I would be so hurt and frankly pissed at her for saying that, that I would have to say something in order to get it out and it would probably end the friendship or something. But that’s not for everyone. Go with your heart and whatever works for you. I’m sorry she said that to you. Good luck!
Post # 9
i can understand why you’re upset about the comment, but i’d probably just shrug it off. if you’re really bothered by it, then ask her what she meant by it.
Post # 10
The weird thing is that she is not at all a jealous person and even if she was, her wedding was announced in the New York Times, which is a huge deal! I wonder if maybe there is something else completely unrelated that is going on with her and that is what is making her act strangely and out of character.
Post # 11
That is a really good point, maybe it is something else entirely. What about saying something like to her in a kind and loving way:
“You know that email you sent out was very uncharacteristic of you, and I can’t help but get the feeling that you’re feeling something or going through something right now that you might need to talk about. I was really hurt by that comment, but I know you’re a really good friend and would never mean to hurt me, is there anything you want to talk about? Or anything I can do for you right now?”
Post # 12
I would ignore the comment and then keep my distance from her
Post # 13
Honestly, I would be concerned about why someone I consider a friend would say something like that to me. It was a very strange comment. I would absolutely talk to her about it–not in an accusatory way, but more like: “I felt really hurt when I read your email and I’m wondering if you’re upset about something or if something is going on that I don’t know about, because a comment like that seems out of the blue.” That way, you’re not accusing her of anything, but you’re letting her know that she hurt your feelings and you care enough to try and figure out what’s up. I wouldn’t just let something like that go, because I would never speak to a friend that way, and I expect the same in return.
Post # 14
So the consensus seems to be that I should say something myself. I am not a very confrontational person, though, so I am not sure that I will be able to do it. I have always struggled with being assertive in situations like this and sometimes I get walked all over because of it. I guess I should just consider this one of those life challenges that makes you confront your fears. I just wish it was not a confrontation with a close friend and I hope that it can be resolved amicably and with minimal drama.
Thanks for the help everyone.
Post # 15
I don’t think it is necessarily even a mean comment, or that it even has anything to do with you. If she is disappointed about her wedding not seeming as nice as yours, that is her own insecurity- it has nothing to do with you. Plus, the wedding is over. I say chose your battles, let this one go.
If you want to address it, be straightforward and ask her yourself:
“What was with that comment? Do you feel your wedding wasn’t nice?”
It is pretty weird though, so I would probably just ignore her and keep my distance. It sounds like she wants attention, so sometimes giving it attention only feeds it.
Post # 16
“That’s nice. If my parents were loaded maybe I would be sending out the pictures.”
i dont even understand the point of her comment – does she mean she expected a printed copy and not a scanned email??? weird
let it go – who knows what sort of lousy day she had – we all have days when the keyboard/mouth is activated before the brain