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My mother is like that. I've even told her, "Mom, if I had low self-esteem that would hurt." I usually roll my eyes and let it go because I am certainly not my own worst critic, my mother is LOL. I think it's a cultural (older generation) thing with women. Just let it roll off your back. =)
I would have a talk with her. She probably doesn't realize that by being so brutally honest (though I don't think you look big in any way! You are beautiful just the way you are!), that she's actually hurting your feelings. I know my mother sometimes thinks that she needs to be the one to point out things becuase I should hear them from her and not someone else, and that the way she says it is really hurtful. I finally had to tell her that while I appreciate her looking out for me, you just can't say things like that. I think she caught on.
@mrsbruff2b: I do try, but I've lost about 10lbs since then (thanks to stress primarily!) and an inch and a half from my hips and an inch from my waist, but I feel like I need to lose more, because I still feel 'overweight' if that makes sense?
It's such an Asian parent thiing, if you gain weight EVERYONE will remind you of it and comment on it. I hate it so much..
@doily: I tried telling her but she's convinced that no-one else will be honest with me. I'm not sure how else to say it really, it bugs me a lot. I already have serious self esteem issues and things like this don't help. But I don't feel comfortable telling her about those really.
I always like, "Well, *that* was rude," delivered in a factual, almost curious tone, as if you're discovering something about THEM that you hadn't expected. It makes people very self-conscious very quickly.
My mom is so mean that we don't even speak. My FH refuses to be left alone with her. It's THAT bad. So yeah, I know how much it stings and I'm sorry you have to have that!
Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely lady most of the time! Just very very tactless when it comes to these things... She saves her tact for her patients I guess, and doens't think we (her kids) warrant any lol.
Oh man my mom is like that. She's like that with herself, too. I always thought she was the prettiest woman in the world (of course I did, she's my mother), but she would harp on how fat she was. It made me really self-conscious about my own weight, even when I was a stringbean. When I started putting on weight, she definitely pointed it out...and then shoved a plate of pasta at me. Italian mothers!
I think in her case, she's trying to make sure I don't make her "mistakes." But honestly, I just get depressed and eat more because I figure I'm already fat, I might as well enjoy it and feel better. When I told her that she makes me want to eat more every time she calls me fat, she stopped. Not sure why, but at least it worked!
@NehaPrasad92: Sooo, that was really uncalled for of your mom to say. BUT, I've seen full-body pictures of you that you've posted on here. Your body is PERFECT. I dream about having a figure like yours, even at your "heavier" weight that you're not happy with. You're beautiful, and I hope you know that. My mom makes little comments like that about me too (but I'm actually plus sized) and it stings, but I think some moms feel like they can say those things because they're our moms, even though it's really not nice for anyone to say those things. I'm sorry it hurt your feelings, but try not to let it get you down about yourself :)
@NehaPrasad92: Ouch! I'm so sorry. Consider talking with her about it. While deep down she may be concerned for your welfare, she can find a kinder way to say it than calling you, or parts of you, names. There's a difference between "honest" and "rude." What she perceives as honesty is instead considered rude by you. Saying face = football is rude. Therefore, her comments are counterproductive. Perhaps by approaching it all in this methodical light will resonate for her and support your case to her. If it doesn't, send her a football on her birthday each year until she stops "helping" you. ;)
I remember my mom saying I might consider plastic surgery one day because my nose has a bump in it. It's from my father's side of the family and she said that she had hoped I wouldn't inherit that feature, but I had. While I appreciate her flippin' honesty, at the time I was mortified because I was a teenager already dealing with plenty of appearance issues. Uh, thanks mom...?
How'd I get past it? I just learned to embrace that part of who I am. It really isn't that pronounced and well, I wouldn't be "me" otherwise. My husband loves my nose and kisses it often, which helps. :) I don't feel it is worth talking about it with her now since her comment was made years ago. She is set in her ways and would probably conveniently say she never said that or something! I'm fine having moved away from the topic on my own and now use it to illustrate how moms are ridiculous sometimes. Hang in there. P.S. You are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!
@NehaPrasad92: You're beautiful, and it doesn't matter as long as you are happy! If you feel like you would like to get healthier (I say HEALTHIER not SKINNIER), then I say go for it! You said yourself that you had some problems with eating, so try eating healthier! Trust me, I jsut made a whole batch of cookies... basically for myself haha. Granted, I'll eat one or two a day until they're gone, but still. Don't pay attention to hurtful words!
@NehaPrasad92: I saw the pictures you posted recently and you are no where close to being overweight. I saw the pic of you at 120 lbs and I thought you were too thin. At 130 you looked great and you still look great now. I just think being fleshy/ curvy is really sexy and womanly. I recently gained some weight; I went from a size 6 to size 8 and EVERY time I see someone I have not seen in a while they say how great I look. Having a little fat in all the right places can be a good thing. Love your body, embrace it and do what makes you happy. Sometimes our moms can be a little too harsh.
Thank you Bees all so much for your words... They've cheered me up bunches :) I'll just let it roll off I guess, my SO loves me how I am, his family think I'm just right the way I am too, and a few more lbs won't hurt! Though I'm not sure if I'll have the time to work out after Christmas thanks to so many extra-curriculars...
But thank you all so much though, kinds words from very kind people!
My mom used to say hurtful things about my appearance and I honestly don't think she realized how hurtful they sounded or how much they hurt me. She came from an abusive childhood and I know her dad said horrible things to her on a daily (or near daily) basis. So, I think part of it may be related to that. One day I sat down and talked with her about how it made me feel. I waited until we were having a good day and she hadn't said anyhting mean or was in a bad mood. At first she was all "What?" and when I pointed out certain thinsg she had said adn when, we had a good heart to heart. Part of it was that she wants me to be happy, and after I gained a bunch of weight several years ago she knew how much it bothered me. We talked about helpful ways she can say things to me. Also, I genuinely believe my mom didn't know how often she was saying things or how much they hurt - so she asked me to stop her when she does them.
I saw pictures you posted recently of yourself and you are gorgeous! I totally understand being concerned about your weight though - I cosntantly am. When I weighed 100-120lb I thought I was fat. When I got up to 130lb, I thought I was just horribly huge and disgusting. Now I weigh mcuh more than that... and I just want to hug my old self!
My mom is Chinese and I have the same problem with her. She comments on my weight and often tells me I'm too heavy.
I've come to accept that family will always either say "You need to lose weight" or "You need to eat more" There is no middle ground. Either you're too fat or too skinny. Hell even when they tell you that you're too fat they usually offer you more to eat.
I believe that as long as you're healthy, you're good no matter how much you weigh.
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What would you do if your mother/father/family made hurtful comments towards your appearance?
My mum recently told me that when I got back from America (about 3 months ago) my face looked like a football (or soccerball) and I looked overweight, even for an Indian. I know I put on a lot of weight over the three months I was there (huge appetite increase thanks to depo, and also lack of self control when eating) and I was very self concious about it. But when she said these things it really stung, because I'm so concious of my figure and weight, especially when all the women in my SO's family are TINY and I was the heaviest one there even without the weight gain (originally was 120lbs). SO said none of them noticed, but if my own MOTHER said that, then I dread to think what THEY thought of my weight gain...
Just upset me really. Normally she's nice, but it's just things like this when she can be really harsh/brutally honest. Like if I get a breakout (very rare these days but more common in earlier days) she would point it out. If I messed my eyebrows up, she's point it out.