- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
An update from my last post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/ffil-is-hurtful-and-rude
Fiance e-mailed his Dad politely asking: “We’re touring the venues next week. If we choose to go with them, is it easier to have them call you for a credit card over the phone? If there is an easier method, let us know. Do you want a breakdown of what our planned budget is estimated at for things like cake, flowers, DJ, etc.? Thanks for everything you’ve offered.”
An hour later, Future Father-In-Law replied: “Asking me for more money. You know, the bride’s family is suppose to pay for everything. It’s called etiquette. I’m not a money fountain. Don’t think you can make lavish plans.”
Our mouths dropped. I didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Did he forget his earlier realization that my family can’t pay for everything. And we didn’t even ask for his money, but planned on doing this ourselves, anyway. It’s amazing to me how he can be so rude. Why did he bother offering anything if he was going to get an attitude over this process? We in no way have made lavish plans and we had a thriftier and economical mindset about our wedding from the beginning. The ceremony and reception venue are a total of $1900 and we get them from 7:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m. I think it’s a good deal, at least is for our area.
Anyway, Fiance had to work at night last night and I had to call my parents to just vent. I just needed a sounding board and the need to complain. They are heartbroken. They knew we were going to pay for this ourselves and that we didn’t ask Future Father-In-Law for any help at all. Then, they offered to pay for the venues, food, and cake. They’ll rework their monthly budget to make it work. I tried so hard to refuse, but they wouldn’t let me. I told them I don’t want there to be any money strain for them. They just don’t want Future Father-In-Law to hold this over us and make this process miserable for us. They want us to have our day, to be happy, and to have our memories of this be good ones. I kept telling them that we will pay for the wedding, but it fell to deaf ears. My Dad wants to live out the “tradition” of paying for is daughter’s wedding.
I told Fiance of their offer and he’s so sad. He just wants his Dad to think and feel as my parents do. Plus, since Future Father-In-Law offered and seems to be reneging on his offer, Fiance wants to be told point-blank what (if any) offer stands, for how much and for what.
He e-mailed him with: “We realize you’re not a money fountain and even with your offer, we find it difficult to ask. We are already going the cheapest and most economical route on everything (we had planned to before your offer) and we don’t want a lavish wedding at all. If you would prefer to only pay for the ceremony and reception venues, that’s generous enough (or whatever aspect of the wedding you’d like to help with). Or, if you no longer feel you can help monetarily, we understand. We can work out payments for the other aspects of our wedding.”
Future Father-In-Law alienated me and my family from the beginning and I just can’t take it anymore.