Hurtful Friend

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

She isn’t being a good bridesmaid. But it also sounds like you have some longstanding issues with her behaviour/attitude. I do wonder why you asked her to be a bridesmaid with your previous history?                                                                                                                                                                                                                If you aren’t too short on time up to the big day I would sit her down for a talk, ask why she is being so evasive, and offer her an “out” on being a bridesmaid. The way I see it, you can do that, or just accept that she isn’t going to be a good bridesmaid and move on from it.                                                                                                                                               I know how hard it can be to see someones “true colours” so to speak, but it sounds like you have a history of being disappointed by her, and it being your wedding isn’t going to change that in any way.

Post # 4
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

charismacharm:  Some friends act really weird after an engagement. I’ve seen it mentioned countless times on this forum, and it happened to me, too. I ended up being way closer to some people, and more distant from a couple who I thought would be with me every step of the way. I don’t know exactly why it is, but it shifts dynamics, a lot.

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

I am a firm believer of actions speak louder than words and hers are as a rubbish friend. I wouldn’t have someone like that as a bridesmaid as I couldn’t trust them to support me never mind just be a friend I see occasionally.  The friendship is a little one sided and I really wouldn’t bother with it as it is proving to be toxic. I would cut her from the wedding and just talk to her and say she is clearly too busy so u don’t want to put her out so she can come to wedding and help with bachelor ette party if she likes but it’s no skin off your nose if she doesn’t.  Surround yourself with people that make an effort x good luck x

Post # 6
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if she told you from day 1 that she would be too busy to do any planning other than the bachelorette party, and that if she told you a few weeks ago that she could not meet up and talk wedding stuff till after October 19, and that it is not yet October 19, you may have really upset or offended her by texting her and trying to get more info about her dress for your wedding.  The dress may be going on her body but it is for your wedding, and for everyone other than the bride, that does make it on the same level as if you had texted her about the caterer or the florist or the man in the moon: something she has already asked you to hold off on till after October 19.

Problems that happened all the way back in high school need to be left in the past, or you need to end the friendship. While you may have liked this friend to take your side in the facebook situation, she didn’t— and she didn’t go against you, either. She chose to stay out of it, which is always a wise choice. By continuing to be her friend, you are behaving as if you accept that. If you do accept that, then let it go. It is not fair to always hold something against someone. Especially if it happened in high school.

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Horseradish:  +1 

It sounds like you two have some unresolved issues and she has fallen to an acquaintance position over time. Was she surprised you asked her or did she really want to be your bridesmaid? Another point to consider, those scholarships she’s putting all her time into will affect the rest of her life. Your wedding won’t. 

Post # 10
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

When’s the wedding? I’d say see how it goes after the date that she gave you. I will go against things and say that I think it’s awesome she gave you a date and based on that I don’t think she is trying to blow you off. from what you say it sounds like she didn’t want to be super involved from the beginning (maybe because of scholarships) then when you did want something she told you she wasn’t available yet (because of scholarships) but gave you an exact date of when she would have more free time. I’m not trying to be mean in saying this but I feel like if other people lived nearby you would be asking them to go with you but because they don’t- you are contacting her even though she made it clear that she wouldn’t be super involved. So for your own sanity realize she is being up front and ask people who want to be involved!!!! Yes it might be her dress but frankly she may just want to go one time when she has to be fitted. Which is fine as long as she doesn’t care what she wears. i think you are speculating a lot when in reality it sounds like she is giving you the information that you need 

Post # 12
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

No one is going to be as into your wedding as you are. Of course it would be nice for the girl to communicate with you since you’re friends but apparently she’s busy. I sort of temporarily lost contact with my best friend in college since we were both doing our own thing. Your wedding isn’t a high priority for her, nor should it be when she’s focusing on school and obviously needing to excel to maintain her scholarships. 

I think that some brides put too much pressure on their bridesmaids. I asked mine for nothing more than acquiring the dress (of their choosing) and showing up to the rehearsal and wedding. Of course they did more because they’re awesome but they didn’t have to. These girls have their own lives outside of their friends weddings. We can’t expect them to drop everything. 

Post # 13
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

To be honest, I don’t think she really cares about your wedding. I don’t know what you expected – she flat out told you she’s going to be really busy. Also, high school is presumably a long time ago so I’d let that go or drop her as a friend if it still bothers you.

Post # 14
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

charismacharm:  if she has to get special bra sizes…it’s probably a regular thing right? i mean, she probably already has a bra that fits her. also, she straight up told you that until october 19 she is basically unavailable. so, it’s not october 19 yet. she’s unavailable. i don’t understand why you’re surprised right now, or upset. if she’s not involved enough for your liking, give her an out. let her stand down. 

let the high school thing go. i mean it sounds like, aside from the fact that the bully was a mutual friend of yours, your BM friend had zero to do with it. yes, it sucks really badly that you had someone do that to you. i’m sorry that you had to experience that. but your friend wasn’t a part of that. she wasn’t involved in any way and you are trying to put her in it. she is staying out of it (smart choice since it’s not her drama). unless this happened like 2 weeks ago (in which case, you’re in HS so don’t get married…), you need to let that shit go because it’s high school drama that you’re perpetuating as a grown ass woman. 

Post # 15
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

this girl is either uninterested in your wedding, or she’s annoyed that you don’t care about anything going on in her life and only want to discuss your wedding- when is the last time you called her just to talk about her and not yourself?

 “But in the end, this bridesmaid believes I am that much of a liar and bad person to fib about someone doing something so horrible to me.”——why would you want a person like this as your friend? does not sound like a friend and I’d dump her completely from my life

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