Post # 1
There’s a lot of stuff now that official wedding planning has started that I’m really thinking about. My best friend is one of them…
She and I are closer than practically any other friends I know. We share everything with each other and see each other all the time and truly relate to each other. Whatever the definition of best friend is, we’re about ten times more than that.
She went wedding dress shopping with me, and it finally hit her that I’ll be getting married and moving 4 hours away. Now she is just as excited and happy about everything as I am, but I think deep down, she’s hurting.
I’m not saying we can’t survive without seeing or talking to each other-we sometimes go weeks without it. But no matter what, we’re just really really close.
I plan on calling her a ton and making trips to see her now and then, but has anyone else been through something similar? How do you manage to keep them really included and knowing you won’t forget about them?
I know that we’ll have our friendship and everything, I just don’t want her to feel abandoned.
I don’t want anyone to take any of this the wrong way-that I’m more concerned about my best friend than me and my fiance. I love him to death and he’s obviously my best friend in a whole deeper and different sense, but I really do care about my friend and her feelings.
This is really repetitous, but has anyone been in a similar situation?
Post # 3
My sister and I kind of had that situation. We’ve been each other’s best friend since we were born. Being married, my “number 1” has to be my husband, and it was tough to convey to her that doesn’t mean I love her less or we are less close. It is just a different stage in life from being little girls and young women to a woman with separate family responsibilities. It is especially hard if your friend is not at the same stage (still single or not dating) because it can feel like you are leaving her behind in more ways than one.
What has been helpful for me is to set up “girls dates” with my sister whether it is phone or Skype (skype works better) where the time is carved out and we give each other our full attention. It just takes effort but if you keep communicating with your friend, and don’t “drop her” so to speak after marriage, I really think things will be OK.
Post # 4
You are too sweet. My childhood best friend (and neighbor!!) moved away a couple of years ago after she got engaged. I was devestated. But we’ve maintained an awesome friendship through tons of phone calls/texts/facebook chats/emails/trips. Just let her know how you intend to stay connected and then follow through. Maybe pick a weekly time to chat for 30 minutes or so! I think a really sweet thing to do would be to give her some kind of “goodbye” gift to let her know how much you care and will miss her. My friend made me an awesome slideshow of pictures of us 🙂
Post # 5
My best friend and I have lived 2+ hours away from eachother since graduating high school 6 years ago.
Like PP, we have Skype and phone dates. We also have a shared love of major league soccer, and luckily, the stadium to a local team is half way between us. So, during soccer season, we go to a game once a month. We even bought season tickets to split. I think it is important to establish rituals with a best friend that is far away, just like you would a long distance SO.
Also, and this is a big tip… dont bring your FI/DH every time you meet her. I learned that early on. Girl time should be sacred. Leave your FI at home and enjoy her company.
Post # 6
Yeah, my best friend since highschool lives like 10 hours away. I just text her a ton, we have phone dates, and we always talk on facebook. I send her snail mail and postcards every once in awhile, too. It’s easier to keep in touch in this day and age with all the technology! There’s Skype, too, or facetime if you have an iphone. We’re as close as ever. You’ll be ok!
Post # 7
I feel ya here. When I got engaged I relocated to my hometown to stay with my mama for the 10 months before the wedding. It was a financial decision that has allowed me to save for both the wedding and for life after wedding. But my hometown is an hour away from my bestie and she and I were super bummed at first. Sometimes it’s still hard. But, when we met she lived an hour from me so the situation is just reversed. We meet halfway a lot and just have coffee and talk or one of us makes the hour trip to see each other. We work it out. Just make sure to keep in contact even if it’s a phone date once a week. Oh and I agree with ohmybears48. Girl Time is sacred. I know an hour is not the same as four hours, but I have another friend who lives that far away and we still do the meet halfway thing probaly every 6 months. It’ll be weird for a while, but it will be worth it.
Post # 8
You ARE sweet! How considerate of her to be so excited for you, even though she may be a little upset on the inside. Something similar happened with me and my best friend since 4th grade. I am now married, and live 6 hours away. It was tough at first, as I was the first one to get married and move away. There is a big city between us, so we meet there about every other month, do dinner and shop and have quality time. We also talk constantly via text, and try to do a weekly phone date. I agree with PP, even though you want your BFF and DH to have a good relationship too, don’t bring him along. You’ll have plenty of time for couples vacations down the road when she gets married. 🙂 Focus on cultivating your LDF (long distance friendship…haha)
Post # 9
One of my best friends and I met on AOL when we were 12 and 14. Collectively, we’ve spent about 2 weeks together in person throughout our 12-year friendship. I also moved away from home for college and then my best friends from college moved away from me after graduation so I know a lot about what you’re dealing with. Trust me, distance with friendships is HARD and it is easy for them to fall by the wayside even if both people want it to work. But you can make it work, and here are a few tips:
– Schedule phone/skype dates! My college roommate and I are both very busy people, but at least once every 2-3 months we have a looooong 1-2+ hour long phone conversation to catch up with one another and it’s helped to sustain our friendship despite the distance. Even just texting/facebooking often helps, but get those conversations in because nothing takes the place of hearing each other’s voices!
– Send care packages! Just like in college, it can be fun to send a cute little care package or a fun card. You don’t need a holiday to send a card, Hallmark makes tons of great “just saying hey” kinds of cards (or you can make your own).
– Plan weekend visits. This works well with my best friend who moved to Pennsylvania since she’s close enough to visit each other – whoever wants to visit lets the other know and we plan a couple of things to do, like dinner or a movie.
No matter what, even if you lose track of each other for a few weeks or even a few months, know that as long as both parties are willing it is entirely possible to stoke the fires and keep the relationship going. People put tons of time and effort into long-distance romantic relationships, but aren’t as keen to do the same with friendships – but it’s totally possible to keep that friendship going!
Oh, and definitely don’t bring your FI every time for visits! It’s great to get away and be independent sometimes anyway, so take your visits to her as “alone time” for both you and him 🙂
Post # 10
With technology the way it is, it’s easier than ever to see/keep in touch with everyone. All of my bridesmaids live at least 1 state away from me and have for at least 2 years. The type of friendships we have evolved but I didn’t lose any of them when they all moved away for grad school.
Post # 11
Thank you all so much! This definitely helps. She is indeed single at the moment, and, although all this time she hasn’t minded up to this point, I think she really is starting to care. Her sister, other close friend, and I all have relationships, and me getting married and moving away definitely can’t make her feel better. I keep trying to encourage her and to not worry about when she’ll find this special someone, as no one really knows when to expect it.
But thank you all so much!!
Post # 12
my best friend and i haven’t lived in the same city since high school. she moves around a LOT, but we are still closer than ever (even though we are on opposite sides of the country). we email each other ALL DAY LONG (seriously, like dozens of emails), and talk over gchat every night. just set aside time for this, and it’ll be fine. it’s hard not being able to show her things in person, but we do stuff like talk about the tv shows we like RIGHT after they air, send lots of text photos, etc.
Post # 13
My best friend got married in 2009 and moved to Italy (her husband is in the Air Force). We obviously have not kept in touch as much as we would have if she had been here. We also have obviously grown a little bit apart because she was married and I had no man in my life. When I got married, she flew back home for a month to help with wedding things, she was still my MOH, etc… And I think we got closer once we were both married.
It’s hard for sure… You guys are not the first ones to go through it… And it will be hard and different, but you guys can still be best friends! Just know that it will be different in some ways 🙂 We still pick up right where we left off whenever we are back in person 🙂
Post # 14
I’m most certainly not concerned about losing her as a friend, and I know we’ll stay in touch. I just feel bad “leaving her behind.” It helps to know others have been through it and it was just fine. Thanks all 🙂