- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I've never had this issue with inlaws, but there are two of his friends from school (we don't see them very often, mostly at group gatherings) that make me feel uncomfortable int he way I feel like they are always judging me, and they have made snide comments about my younger age (which pisses me off to no end) and laughing waaaay too hard at things DH is saying. Maybe I make them insecure? I don't know. But it's annoying.
Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel/what you've seen in their behavior? How long has this been going on?
He knows i dont really like her that much but i dont want to tell him i cant stand their bond... it would jus feel wierd and look like jalousy.. when its not even that. It's just so wierd to me becuase i never see him interact with other females..yesterday was an eye opener for me..
I just dont know what ti do or say.. it doesnt feel right..
Maybe because she is family he is more comfortable around her, and feels like he can be himself. You don't have to like her either, that isn't mandatory, but respecting her is what you should do. Talk to your husband if it is bugging you that much, keep the lines of communication open.
@chesseplease: I agree, trust your gut and never leave your husband alone with her.
Are they just getting along well, or are they flirting? If it's the former (and it sounds like it is), please don't begrudge your husband a friend just because she happens to be female. If it were a brother-in-law instead of a sister-in-law that your husband had this kind of bond with, would this even be an issue?
@linguo42: No there not flirting i dont think shes his type ATALL but I do not feel comfortable with him being that comfortable with her.
He even told me last night that he wants me to be close to her so he can stay close with his brother... I was showering today and that kept replaying in my head ... Dont get me rong he can be close to his brother but i dont want him contantly at their house and ect.. There no reason for all that closness in my opionion..
I just dont want to say anything to him yet becuase I dont want him to think im over exerating or think im jealouse or w.e he make think.
To ,be honest it sounds like you are overreacting. It sounds like your DH just wants to be close to his family. Since he hasn't given you any reason not to trust him, I think you need to let this go. Just because you don't like her, doesn't mean he shouldn't.
If you're not allowed to smile at the ticket taker at a movie theater, or have any male friends, I think you're safe telling your SO he isn't allowed to laugh so much at his SIL's jokes.
While I do believe in trusting your gut, it does sound like you are jealous.
Get to know them both better. My SO and his SIL get along great, and that's wonderful! I love that they are a close family who can spend a lot of time together.
If your husband isn't the type to have a lot of female friends, then I can see where this would be something to puzzle over, but it is probably nothing to worry about. Obviously your husband is crazy about you, and maybe he just genuinely likes her as a person because she makes his brother so happy. Or maybe he knows how difficult it can be around in laws and wants to make sure she's not uncomfortable, or maybe even he likes his brother and wants the 4 of you to really get along and spend more time together?
I am very close with both of my brothers in law (my sister's husband, and my late husband's younger sister's husband...if you can follow LOL) and I assure you it is STRICTLY platonic, and neither wife has an issue with this. In fact, my BIL from my late husband's side and I are BFF's and often go shopping together, grab dinner, invite each other over to help fix things, attend concerts, etc. and usually his wife isn't here because she's at work (she's always invited, of course). We didn't meet or become friendly until after they were dating for a while, but we just get along really well and tend to stick together at family functions. His wife and I are also close, and the three of us have even taken vacations together (before I met FI) or gone on double dates...the whole family jokes that I'm his 2nd wife like in Big Love. Even his wife calls me his 'sister wife' and sends me thank you's when I help him pick out her gifts. As a matter of fact, 2 summers ago a group of us all went white water rafting and spent the weekend at the family cabin, his wife couldn't make it due to work schedules but my FIL and several cousins were all there and everyone else left early so when we woke up we were the only 2 there. Obviously this wasn't planned, it just worked out that way, and no one thought twice about it. I suppose it looks weird to outsiders, but it is nothing to worry about. I feel a little guilty now after reading this, but it's just the way the relationship with the 3 of us has always worked. We're family, nothing more...I'm sure it's something like that for your husband as well.
He probably feels a close family-like bond with her. You have said that you don't think they are flirting, so I would really try and let him just have this friendship with another member of the family.
@GoldfishPie: Totally agreed. Are we just pretending all those other threads didn't happen?
Also, when did you get married? I thought you were engaged?
@KatyElle: I hadn't seen the others and just checked quickly.
OP, I'm not sure how to advise you here. He's cheated before, so if you feel like something like that could happen again, go with your gut. Also, if you're not allowed to smile at the ticket taker at the movies....I don't even know. Maybe you two could communicate your expectations of your relationship before it moves any further? Did you get married already?
It would look jealous of you to bring it up to him...basically because that's exactly what it is. And I don't really understand why you don't like her at all when you said you don't know her well. DH and I hang out with his siblings frequently, it's ggreat getting along with them, he stays close to his siblings and I know our future children will have close relationships with their cousins and I think that's great. But from your past posts it seems both of you have a jealousy problem, it is something I think you two need to talk about and work on.
I read your previous threads and I don't think I can give you any advice anymore-- you need professional help for the both of you to overcome your control/jealousy.
@Juliepants: We got married relgiously ..the wedding ceramony is for a later date.
I just wrote a whole essay for him but desided to check here first and see what you ladies wrote..thank god i did.
In the essay i told him how uncomfortable i am with how he interacts with her and how he knows i dont like her but i went to the dinner just to be poliet. I even said that he can hang out with his brother when shes not there but i felt wrong for ever saing that? AM i wrong ?
After reading what i wrote it does seem that i am jelouse but im not beilve me I just loveee him ODE and seeing the "bond" just freaked me outt. Before i was with DH she used to call him and tell him about her and her now DH. All sorts of things like how maany abortions she got and ect. Like really ??? If her DH new she told his brother any of this i think he would Flip out for sure.
So you see theres more to it and I just dont know how what to do or how to re-act.
SO should i send the text or just forget about it...
@Juliepants: I missed most of the old threads and read quickly just now too.
OP, I don't know what's going on with your FI / DH, but something is not quite right. You're not allowed to add boys as friends on FB, or smile politely at strangers, but he can talk all night and laugh at jokes from another woman? And the fact that he tells you who you can and can't be friends with, even on FB, is a red flag...especially if he can joke and laugh with another woman regardless of flirting. A happy and healthy relationship involves 2 people so completely in love that they trust the other person UNCONDITIONALLY. I have mostly male friends in RL and on FB as well. I'm a friendly person to everyone I meet in RL, and I'm sure more than once my FI has seen me talking to someone he didn't know, but he never once acted as though I was doing anything wrong or got mad....even though his last relationship was full of cheating and lies on her part. The same is true in reverse, he has female friends in RL who post things like 'I love you' on his FB page all the time, I'm not concerned in the slightest! Because I know he's a good person and would never hurt me, just like he knows I would never hurt him either. Jealousy, excessive fighting, controlling...these three things will make for a bad relationship because it's bringing negativity into your home. It might not seem like a big deal now, but in a few years you might not have any friends because your SO finds something wrong with all of them and you'll wonder when or how this all happened? I've seen this happen to people I'm close with, they're happy and out of no where the husband becomes mean, controlling, jealous, etc. and I stop hearing from them...it never ends well. You need to talk to him, not just about this instance, but about everything. I don't like where this is headed, and if you can address these things now maybe you'll have a chance for a happier future? Sorry sweetie, it's no fun.
Why are you texting your HUSBAND about this?
I have nothing else to say here, for my own sanity... I wish you both the best of luck with your marriage and overall situation... it's quite baffling to say the least.
@bookworm88: Totally agree. I'm sorry OP but it's getting to the point where you're like that friend who is in an awful relationship and is always asking for advice but never listens and just keeps complaining. I cannot believe you are actually considering telling him when he can and can't see his SIL, that is absolutely absurd and way over the top. But I also can't believe you keep track of each other's FB friends and he gets mad if you smile at guys politely. I think you two must get counseling if there is any hope of this working out, because you both have serious control issues. It doesn't make any sense to say you're not jealous, but you want to tell him that you're uncomfortable when he talks to his SIL at family dinners.
@KatyElle: Hes at WORK. He cant talk on the phone obviously. I just wanted advice why are all of your comments so harshh.
@chesseplease: Maybe it's baffling because you have posted nothing but horrible, horrible things about this person and continue to ignore the immaturity, jealousy, control and cheating that seems to dominate your entire relationship?
@chesseplease: It is VERY rare for all the comments to be so harsh and straightforward about the fact that you two need counseling and obviously have serious relationship issues, and they don't think they can give you any more advice. Think about that. It's being said for a reason.
And leave your DH alone if he is at work! Geez, you want to get into a fight via text message with him while he is at work over something as ridiculous as he was talking and laughing with SIL too much at dinner?? Wait till he gets home. Or, better yet, don't bring it up. Because he didn't do anything wrong, you're making something out of nothing.
(Deep Breath )
All i want to know is if i should even bring this entire thing up to him or just let it be. We have worked through a lot of our problems..and im grateful, so when something bothers me even if its something that wouldn't bother you ladies, i would just like some insight and maybe i can see what you ladies see.
I love this man with everything i've got and i want to make us better.
@chesseplease: I strongly advise just letting it be. This is not some new girl he is trying to make friends with, it is his brother's wife. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact I think it's nice of him.
OP, this girl (@courtney1188) just said better yet, don't bring it up. Because he didn't do anything wrong, you're making something out of nothing. and I totally agree.
please please find counseling or find a more mature way to handle your marriage than text messages over seriously unimportant, controlling things.
he didn't do anything wrong, let it go.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| rebwana | 22 |
| Jenlon | 20 |
| his chippymunk | 20 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| fishbone | 18 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| imageeksowhat | 3 |
| Cady | 3 |
| Sasha2011 | 2 |
| tenacity | 2 |
| Ms Flamenco | 2 |
| This Time Round | 2 |
| ladybugmommy2010 | 2 |
| mightywombat | 1 |
| vmec | 1 |
| vlbee | 1 |
Just came back from dinner over my brother in laws house.
The dinner went well, everyone was poilet and laghing at jokes and ect..
Aisde from that I just feel alil weird that my husband and his sister in law get along soo well for some reason. Everything she says he laughs at and vice versa and just other lilttle things that annoyed me tonight. Dont get me wrong his brother is nice to me too and we laugh here and there but I feel like my DH and his sis in law have a bond 0_0...
Me and her dont really no eachother that well, and when we do see eachotther its always that fake convo you know... I really try to like her but for some reason i just cant.. shes just not a type of girl i can be comfortable with.
Is this normal to feel? Have any of you went through a simlair situation with in-laws ? How did you deal ?
I just wanted to vent ...hope everyones night is going well.