- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
New to the board, always lurked, but now I need a little feedback.
I have a 9 month old daugther, and currently staying home with her. The plan was fo rme to go back to work part time, but my job would not allow it. With my hours and my husbands hours it just wouldn’t work out so we made the choice for me to stay home.
In doing that we have made fininical sarcfices, we aren’t broke, but get by okay, but need to keep a watch on where our money is spent. Before baby and when I was working DH and I went out a lot, vacationed, and spoiled ourselves. So obviously with a baby a lot changes and we are totally okay with that. When we discussed me staying home, my husband said ” you know that us doing vacations are out for awhile, right”? We both agreed on this. We actually had plans to go away for a wedding, then found out we were expecting so we didn’t go on that trip.
DH and I have done date nights here and there ( not as much as we should), we also did a night away just the 2 of us. We are firm believers in def making time for us, but I must admit it’s been hard. We can’t seem to find a babysitter and our daughter still does not sleep well and can be very high needs so it makes it a bit harder to find someone.
With that being said, my days are long and tiring and were really tough for awhile with a high needs baby. My DH is usually out the door by 5/6 am and home by 6:30/7. He is an amazing help to me. The min he gets home he takes over, I honestly don’t know how I could function without him. He really goes above and beyond with helping me. He works like crazy to support us, he picks up side jobs so we can have that date night and not worry that we can’t pay a bill. My husband is always up with me in the middle of the night with my daughter. In the 9 months there has not been a single night he doesn’t get up when she gets up.
He is great when I do girl time with my friends, which is normally once or twice a month. I get to go out with my friends more than I get to go out with him which bums me out!
BUT here is the main issue now, sorry it took me so long to get to it!
My DH doesn’t really ever plan guy time, I think a lot of it is because he is just very busy at work and maybe he doesn’t need guy time as much as I need girl time. I don’t know. He has a few close friends that live nearby and then a few close friends that live about 4 hours away.
Well his close guy friends have planned a weekend away in South Beach. I have a big problem with this and my DH is upset that I have a problem with it and won’t let him go. My biggest issue is that WE as a couple have not gone away and had just US time, and we haven’t done this because of our money situation. Could we make it work for DH to go, totally, but I just feel like that has not been where OUR focus has been as a couple. We are trying to save money, with me staying home with the baby, and we have goals we are working towards as a family.
I feel very guilty for not allowing him to go because one of the friends going has a baby as well and his wife is allowing him to go, however, they are in a totally different situation than us, however, it still makes me feel quitly about not letting my husband go. Trust me I would love for him to go and have fun with his friends, he works hard and deserves it. But it makes me resentful that as a couple we have not done anything like that and probably won’t for awhile. We are also going to start trying for baby number 2 in Dec, so it’s not like in the future we can go away just the 2 of us.
So what do I do? Do I let him go, and wallow in the fact that he got to go away with his friends while I am home with the baby? I am totally torn with just wanting to book him the flight and surprise him, but then I get really upset and start to get angry that it;s with his friends and not with us!