(Closed) Husband away with baby

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He sounds like an amazingly responsible husband and father.  I think if you keep him from going, it’s going to cause big problems and resentment in your relationship.  While I understand that you want/need away time as a couple, I wouldn’t keep him from having alone time with his friends.  It’s seems like if the situation were reversed that he would let you go.  You just have to decide if it’s worth him being home and creating a rift between the two of you.

Post # 4
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I totally understand the desire for “us” time after kids, but my husband and I also talk about the importance of “me” time. We don’t want to never hang out with just our friends and it sounds like he has been pulling his weight so this seems far. 

Post # 5
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It seems like your DH works very hard to support the family and is very selfless in giving you your time with your friends and staying home. If you aren’t struggling to get by and this wouldn’t be a burden on the family income, I don’t see the issue. 

You also stated that you have a very difficult time finding a sitter and that the LO is high needs/doesn’t sleep through the night. So since you can’t go together, he can’t go alone? Who would watch your baby while you have your weekend away? 

It sounds like DH definitely deserves his ‘me’ time. 

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I understand your frustrations but I think you need to let DH go. He sounds like he works very hard and sacrafices everything for your famiyl and so you can stay at home with your LO. If he doesn’t recharge then he may get burnt out. Also since his is working so hard a short break with the guys might be good for him. It might even make him appreciate you more. You even said he never gets guy time and you go out with your girls 2x a month. If finances are not an issue with him going on this trip then I think you need to let him go.

Post # 7
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry i agree with all the above posters. ‘Couple time’ is so important… so is his sanity. He works all day, takes over in the evenings so you can relax a bit, and has couple time when you can afford it. In all of that he doesnt get much time for himself – either alone or with friends. Let him be a man, not a daddy or a husband for a bit. It will be just as beneficial to your relationship as your couple time.

Post # 9
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs1982S:  Wow, sounds like you have a great husband! My husband is not the type who is going to be helping me much with the baby when he gets home from work or getting up with me during the night… he just gets too exhausted and I know he won’t be able to handle it… I would LOVE a husband like yours and honestly, I would let him go to SB. If he’s working full time, taking on extra jobs, AND helping with the baby during the night (when you’re home all day), I think he deserves it.

ETA: Sorry OP, I x-posted with you!
 

Post # 10
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

We have two kids, and I totally undertsand how tough it is to get in couple time on a regular basis.  I don’t know if it would help for the future, but my husband and I have instituted an in-home date night on Fridays.  Fridays are “pizza and a movie” night with the kiids, and then once they’re in bed we have a special dessert or a beer and do something fun together (watch a movie, play a Wii game, do a puzzle, etc…).  It’s cheaper than going out, and it’s easier, since we don’t have to coordinate a babysitter.  🙂

Good luck!  I found it gets a lot easier right around the 1 year mark!

Post # 11
Member
9620 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s a little hard for me to get past the fact you said you weren’t “allowing” him to go.

He’s an adult.  You can’t “allow” or “forbid” anything to him.  It’s his choice. 

Sorry, I’m voting he should go, for that reason alone.

Post # 12
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you should let him go. He pulls his weight. He supports the family and helps you out a lot more than many husbands. He has definitely earned the right to some downtime.

Also, I SRONGLY encourage you to take your parents up on the offer of babysitting your LO to give you two time to get away and recharge. Is it that you “feel bad” about her not sleeping well, or are you just too worried to be away from her for any length of time? You really need to take those breaks when they are offered. Sure, you are a mother now, but don’t forget you are also an individual and a wife. I see so many moms who get so caught up in the mom role that they don’t take care of themselves or their marriage. Many of them are miserable. You cannot be a good mother if you don’t take care of yourself first. Individuality and coupledom do not cease to exist once a child is born. You will be doing irreparable harm to your marriage if you don’t foster its growth and development.

I was a single mother when my daughter was born. I was SO BLESSED to have parents who would take her for a night or two whenever I needed it (I was finishing grad school). Even now that I have FI (who is amazing and helps with everything), they still take her for a weekend here and there so we can have time for us. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have that time. I strongly believe my child is a more resilient child for having been exposed to multiple caregivers and not just relying on me for her every need. But I am a firm believer in the village mentality – that it takes a village to raise a child.

Post # 13
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Also, I don’t think it’s really fair to say he can’t go with his friends because you haven’t been able to go away as a couple. You’ve had the opportunity, you just chose not to. And I don’t mean that in a mean way at all.

Post # 14
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

As hard as it is to let him go, I think he definately deserves some guy time! He works very hard to support you and the baby and its time for a reward! Hopefully you guys can set a little bit of money aside slowly and build up a vacation fund so next time you can both go!

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

It seems like he more than pulls his weight with being the sole provider for your family and taking over on baby needs once he walks through the door so I personally think it’s only right to “allow” him this vacation. I get that it sucks that it’s not a trip that both of you can take together but the guy deserves it. You said that you get together with your friends a few times a month but he almost never gets to see his friends. A few days away for him in exchange to some mommy time a couple times a month seems like a pretty good compromise to me. 

Post # 16
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think he should go. In a relationship things aren’t ever fair or fifty fity. I think given all you said about his husband it’s wrong to tell him he can’t go. Let him have those few days to blow off steam and hang out with this buddies. When the time is right you guys will be able to take a family or couples vacation.

 

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