(Closed) Husband dealing with addiction. Just recently found out.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4971 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t have any advice, but just wanted you to know I feel for you and hope everything works out for the best. ((hugs))

Post # 4
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No true addictions here that we’ve had to deal with, but my heart goes out to you. Please avail yourself of all possible support groups. It’s a test, but you can get through it. You may consider reading a book from Augusten Burroughs called “This is How…” It’s written by someone who knows all about addiction, emotional pain & recovery.

 

Post # 5
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

I understand the difficulty that you’re facing and if you want to pm me with any questions you may have….and I mean ANY.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and I have a healthy amount of sobriety under my belt (3 years in December.) I’ve been through an addictions programme and a family programme, which deals with co-dependence and living with an addict. I would suggest that you try and find a similar group for you to attend because you are going to need it.

It sounds to me as though your husband is stuck firmly in victimhood. He may well have been victimized at some point but his disease is going to keep him exactly where he is unless he truly wants to get well. And he has to want to get well for himself, not because you tell him he has to.

It’s going to be a long, hard process but it can be done, and I’ve seen several relationships and marriages make it through. First and foremost you need to protect yourself. The stronger you are emotionally, the better you will be able to support him in his recovery.

Let me know if you have any questions: I’d be happy to help in any way I can.

Post # 6
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@chacomom:  

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I do have some experience with this, let’s just say that I’m sure he didn’t want to lie to you…sometimes it’s shame keeping him from admitting it to you. I’m sure he loves you very much. Addiction is a disease and can control the BEST of people. The last thing in the world I’m sure he wants is to lose you, which is probably the reason for some of the lying. Perhaps you could help him get into a good local rehab program or AA program. That’s the best next step. xoxo

 

Hugs

Post # 7
Member
9560 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I have a junk food addiction, and it is really tough to shake, it is a vicious cycle for me: feel bad, eat bad food, feel worse, etc

I am seeing a psychiatrist for depression, and he says the addiction won’t go away until we get to the deep rooted issues that initially caused the depression, dating back to childhood.

It is a very long process.

Just be there for him, and support him, and encourage him to seek help. Feel free to PM me

Post # 8
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wish you luck!

My FI went through a program, not for his addiction, but because he grew up in a family with a lot of alcohol/drug addictions and abuse and so he had a lot of codependence issues. Its called “Breakthrough at Caron”. Its located in Pennsylvania and its a relatively short program. Its not a detox. Its meant for recovering addicts, codependants, victims of abuse, etc. to get out of the victimhood cycle and take responsibility and cope with what they’ve gone through.

It is a FANTASTIC program. Its in Pennsylvania, however, so I’m not sure where you live. I would look into something similar though. Its so helpful!

I would strongly suggest it though. I don’t know what his family situation is, but if he also has any family issues related to this it would definitely help.

Post # 9
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Jacqui90:  No kidding…read Augusten Burroughs’s book “This is How”…before you go through extensive therapy. He makes some great points about therapy and he would know.

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Is he attempting to deal with this alone and fix himself? Often times real addictions cannot just be done alone, a professional should be consulted.

Post # 11
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

While my DH does not suffer from addiction, both of my my parents were drug addicts.

First and foremost, please remember that it is a disease.  Your husband does not mean to lie or break promises to you.  It is the disease that controls him.

That being said, both of you need to seek help.  Addiction is generally not something that one can handle on their own.  My parents spent many years denying the fact that they had a problem.  Sadly, until he is ready to seek help he really cannot be helped. In my case, it took my father watching my stepmother die from a drug overdose, losing his home, and losing his children before he sought help.  On the upside, he has been clean for 5 years now.

If your DH is ready to seek help then I would strongly suggest in-patient treatment.  As for you, I would suggest that you join Nar-anon or a similiar support group for families of addicts.  We tend to enable those we love and support groups helps you to deal with the disease as well.

 

Post # 12
Member
9560 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@lorie:  Thanks 🙂 I am already seeing a psychiatrist for my depression but I will try to find that book as well 🙂

Post # 14
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@chacomom:  So sorry that you’re dealing with this. PPs have given great advice here. Your counselor sounds like he needs continuing education in psychotherapy. I completely disagree with his stance on online sex addiction. “Just his way of unwinding” is not acceptable if you are uncomfortable with it and if it encroaches on your relationship. You should never arm an addict of any kind with such an excuse. Sex/cyber sex addiction is something that is hard to get over and restoring trust is a long road. You both would need to be committed to changing and forgiving. I do hope that you are soon able to restore some level of normalcy in your life, and that your husband gets the help he needs.

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