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He clearly needs to seek counselling. This exact thing came up last night on LoveLine with Dr Drew (I listen when I'm getting ready for bed). His advice was to seek counselling immediately. There's might be some kind of past trauma that's causing this. It was really brave of your DH to tell you this, he obviously wants to stop this behaviour and have a healthier sexual fantasy.
@Lulusmom: Agree with you 100%
How do you know he wont do this with your future children?
Woow, touchy subject.
Did he quit? is he trying to quit? is he looking for help?
This is a very delicate situation and he needs to stop, maybe look for help but it just can't be an on and off thing.
Wow, thats a hard pill to swallow, but at the end of the you have to think of your future with him. The question is could you ever trust him again being around children or alone on the computer? Something like this is going to eat both of you guys up. The best advise is to be honest with yourself, this is not something that is gonna go away and if something happen to a child how would you feel? Dont let you love for the " straight, clean guy" get in the way of reality, because at the end of the day those kids are someone innocent jeweles.
Wish you luck
I'm sorry but I agree with other bees. It's a touchy subject BUT... it's illegal and someone's kid. He needs counseling. I really don't think there's much you can do to help him, he needs to see a professional.
Wow. Counseling. Right away. I don't think I'd call the police, but I'd definitely take the computer away. And I'd definitely think long and hard before even considering having children with him.
I just wanted to say I am sorry this is happening. Life sometimes likes to test us. I dont know what I would do in your situation, so I just wanted to let you know that we all go through tough times, and to remember that it will get better.
Think of it this way, if somehow the child pornography was traced to the computer in your home...how would they know which of you is viewing it?
@Mrs_Secret: I think that your husband needs to talk to a therapist about this. Eventually he will be caught, as law enforcement has a way of tracing that stuff. Once he is caught, he will go to jail and be labled a sex offender for the rest of his life. He needs to get help, it's not okay in any way of what he is doing. Please, tell him that he needs to get help.
@Mrs_Secret:That means he is sexually turned on by children, it is sick and it is illegal. Sorry, he has a BIG problem. Also, saying he does not see children sexually in real life is an excuse. If you are sexually attracted to children you have a mental problem. Period. End of story. Its NOT ok.[comment removed]
He absolutely needs counseling immediately. I would also not have children with this man unless and until the counselor can guarantee he is not a danger to them. Maybe not even then. He should also not be allowed to be alone with children unless and until the counselor can guarantee he is not a danger to them. Maybe not even then.
Very scary, and I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
@Soladylike: Your reply was rude and totally disgusting. She came here for support and ideas of how to deal, NOT to be snapped at! What he is doing may be disgusting, but she is not him. It was flagged.
@Soladylike: agreed!
OP~ I was a repeted victim as a child thru teen years. I do feel sorry for you but not for him. Report him so he can get some help. The more people watch child porn the more in demand it becomes. I am sick to my stomach now. :(
@Candace From BC: Sorry if you don't like the negative replies but there are MANY victims out there and I'm sure here as well. OPs~ post is offencive to them as well.
@Soladylike: In fact delete this shit from the board. Nobody here is going to condone pedophilia.
I don't think she condones it or expects any of us to. I think she is hurt after having been blindsided by this news, and is looking for advice.
I feel so badly for what you are dealing with. As hard-hearted as it might appear, I would be out of there, or rather he would. Yes he should get counselling. Yes you should trash the computer as you cannot get rid of those images on your hard drive.
But the reality for me is that I would not be able to continue any sort of relationship with a pedophile.
I wish you luck in dealing with this.
He needs serious psychiatric counseling and help. Unless of course he wants to be caught, registered as a sex offender (and make no mistake, that's what buying child porn makes him), and have his picture online forever to warn other parents that he looks up pictures of exploited children.
Sorry but as a mother to a little girl, I don't really have much more to say beyond that.
Oh and if it were my husband, I'd have the police dragging him out of my house.
@Miss Apricot: I believe that by failing to report a known pedophile, who has a history of "trying to quit and failing," is in fact condoning pedophilia. What her husband is doing is illegal and disgusting. Under no circumstances is it okay for her to do anything but turn him in, unless of course she is willing to aid him in continuing his illegal activities.
Correct me if im wrong but if she doesnt report him and the police for whatever reason search their computer that she will infact be charged as well?
@FutureMrsChaney: Technically someone could see this thread and contact the FBI for investigation. Which actually might not be a bad idea.
Edited. Sorry, as a sexual abuse survivor what I had originally typed was anger and not helpful to you whatsoever. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but if it was me I couldn't go forward. I would be gone and he would be sent for treatment. I wouldn't ever be able to forgive or trust him after this.
Mrs_Secret, just wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I agree with the others that counseling is in order. I did a quick search and found a couple organizations that deal with related issues. They're mostly geared toward adults who were abused as children, but if you contact some of these places they may be able to help point you in the right direction. This must be so difficult for you both and I hope you can get through it and he gets the help he needs.
http://www.stopitnow.org/gethelp/1160
https://hotline.rainn.org/1in6/terms-of-service.jsp;jsessionid=1hhchvt9o1mrg5rrsn6n5abye
@Candace From BC:I'm offensive? I will NEVER support someone abusing children or anyone that knows it is happening and not report it to the police. She does not need support from internet friends. She needs to run, report her sick husband to the police and get professional help for herself. I am not going to pacify or "support" exploitation of children; thats what's disgusting!
@KatyElle: Seriously. This is no different than being upset at the Penn State people for not properly reporting. If you have the knowledge and do nothing you're allowing abuse to continue.
This is horrible and I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you need to report it and he needs to get help. I understand you probably want to help him, but he's an adult and is choosing to do this far more than that child is. Please confide in someone to help support you to do the right thing.
Others might disagree, but I think the OP does need to be supported and not attacked. Keep in mind she said that her husband feels horribly ashamed and is trying to stop.
OP, I do hope you seek out and find counseling for your husband.
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