Post # 1
He says he doesn’t want to see me in that kind of pain. On the one hand I get it but on the other hand I’m a little upset. He is a physician who has delivered a few babies during his training so he should be able to handle it since he’s seen it (and probably worse things) before. I don’t want to be scared and alone in the delivery room but at the same time I don’t want to traumatize him. I would feel like be missed out though if he wasn’t there.
Anyone else have a significant other who has concerns about being in the delivery room with you?
Post # 3
@hspw714: I doubt this will be the only time either of you is in hospital and/or in pain. He presumably promised to be with you in sickness and health (OK childbirth isn’t sickness, but you get my point). Your need for support comes ahead of his squeamishness. I’d tell him sorry but being with your spouse in their time of pain or time of need is part of marriage.
If my husband had doubts he never told me. He was in the delivery room all the time, every time.
Post # 4
@paula1248: Thank you! This is excellent.
OP, YOU are the one in pain so YOU get to make the rules. There is no way in HELL I would be ok with the father of my child, the father who jointly WANTED this child with me, not helping me through the pain of labour because he can’t hack it. Oh, I’m sorry, would you rather be the one actually carrying and birthing the child?
Do your part! Wussy, wussy husband.
God, I’m so mad for you. I’m sorry if you aren’t mad but I sure am, what a cop out! “Oh, I can’t handle seeing you in pain, so I’ll just leave you scared and alone and miss the birth of our child”. – GRRRR!
Post # 5
I find this very surprising and strange! Both of my parents, both FILs and my FI are all medical professionals and I know that none of them will have a problem with being in the room with me during labor and delivery, just because this stuff is the norm for them and they have seen much, much worse!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
OP, I would be livid. As a father and a husband it is his responsibility to be there unless he is physically incapable of attending. This would not be okay with me.
Post # 7
Do your part! Wussy, wussy husband.
My hubby gets a funny look on his face when I talk about labour but he knows I expect him to be there. He wants a kid, he stays there to help me in pain.
Oh and I told him that he’s not allowed to use it against me if I swear at him while he’s in labour….
Post # 8
@hspw714: tell him to suck it up! My DH gets light-headed sometimes just hearing about painful or graphic procedures and he was there for me completely for my open heart surgery recovery (I didnt even know the extent of his squeamishness at the time) and will be there at my c-section. No doubt. It’s a basic part of his vows!!
Post # 9
@hspw714: wow. Tell him to suck it up, put his big boy undies on, and support YOU the one actually going through the pain of labor. My FI is terrified of needles and most medical things but anytime I’ve needed him to be with me for a procedure, he was there. Your husband has been through this with other women, he can surely be there with you.
Post # 10
@hspw714: what??? How about if you have a doula to help you through the pain part. He can be there just to hold your hand. He needs to be there. Wtf.
Post # 11
@hspw714: It’s not like him not being there would make it less painful. It would make it more painful as not only are the physical sensations the same, but you are also alone and scared. So the whole being in pain thing is bullshit, IMO.
IMO, it isn’t a choice. He will be in there. This is one time his feelings don’t really matter.
You are the one suffering, the least he can do is be there to rub your back, and talk sweetly to you.
This would give me fears for the future though. Is he not going to take your kid to the hospital for stitches because he doesn’t want to see them in pain, what about injections where they are sure to cry.
Post # 12
Yeahhhhh NO… he got you into this, he is going to help you get out of it.
I needed the calm and reassuring support of my husband while I was in labor. He didn’t have to actually WATCH the birth part (he did anyway) but he rubbed my back and held my hand the whole time. Not negotiable!
Post # 13
@hspw714: This would absolutely not fly with me. Seriously, it’s not like he has to DO much, just be there for support! I’ve told my FI that I don’t want him down below watching what’s going on, because that might actually traumatize him, and he was ok with that. I cannot imagine him telling me he doesn’t want to be in the room… I would be livid.
Post # 14
I’d be upset too. His not being there wouldn’t fly.
Post # 15
I would make sure to find someone else who will be able to help you while you are in labor-a friend, your mom, someone who will be able to step up. While I think your husband is a wussy, at least he is being honest so you have time to prepare for him to not be able to help you. I would still insist he is in that room even if he isn’t helping you.
Post # 16
@hspw714: He’s a doctor? I doubt you can traumatize him! I’d seriously tell him to suck it up and be there for his wife. I’d tell my own husband (who is not a doctor) the same thing. I’m the one doing all the work and feeling all the pain…the least you can do is fucking stand there! 😛