(Closed) Husband with PMS?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 4
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

First and foremost, I think you would benefit from counseling for your past sexual experiences. I can understand what your DH is feeling. For the past 10 years, you’ve only wanted sex 2/month, and now you want it all the time. It’s a pretty logical conclusion for him to draw that you are using him for a baby and won’t be interested once you are pregnant. I think you need help being comfortable with intimacy and working with your husband to make your sex life enjoyable before you introduce a baby into the equation.

Beyond that, I don’t have great advice for you except to do what you’ve already suggested above (don’t tell him when you’re in your fertile window, try to keep sex fun….)

I do know that my DH was nervous about TTC, and he would have “performance anxiety” if he knew that I was fertile. So I would make an effort to initiate sex more often during the whole month so he wouldn’t think “she must be ovulating because that’s the only time she wants it.”

I also have been trying to make an effort to change things up instead of the usual “wham, bam”. Little things let him know that I am into him, not just his “seed”. Things like starting things off with a backrub, jumping in the shower with him, lighting candles…etc. Anything to make it seem less sterile and “job like”.

Post # 6
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@bd9720:  My DH and I have low sex drives, so I have to chart to even have a chance of getting pregnant. Like you guys, we have more sex now than when we’re TTC. My DH has never had a problem with having sex specifically during my fertile window, but I know it’s a common feeling for men to feel like they’re being used for a baby. I’m actually the one who struggles having sex to make a baby if I’m not in the mood. It just doesn’t feel special to me, and I want it to be special when we finally conceive. So this last cycle, I decided we should try the seven-day sex challenge to hopefully give a little boost to our sex lives. Fortunately, the seven days happened to be during my fertile window. Even though I wasn’t always in the mood, knowing I was having sex to help our relationship, so to speak, instead of to just have a baby helped me a lot. Maybe something like that would help your DH. You don’t have to do the seven-day challenge, but maybe just surprise him with sex at times that are outside your fertile window. Don’t mention anything about babies, just try to make him feel wanted and special. Then maybe he’ll stop worrying about a lack of sex after you get that positive. Of course, during your fertile window, you could use lingerie (you already mentioned that), use toys/porn if you’re comfortable with them, try out new positions, send him flirty texts during the day, etc. Anything to make it seem more like sex for good ol’ sex than sex for baby-making πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

the best i can say (without experience in your past happenings) would be to try to initiate some sex outside of your fertile time.

my husband also says he feels like i’m only having sex with him for the baby and not because i actually want him. so i try to make sure to initiate during times he knows i’m not fertile…. during the TWW or right after AF.

The topic ‘Husband with PMS?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors