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A whole week of silent treatment? That is so childish! I know sometimes we need our space and just figure it's best not to talk to each other until we are less upset about the situation but we have never gone a full day much less a week of not talking. Very odd...
That is a sign of immaturity, possibly also a power and control issue. Not talking for a week is much different than one partner saying to another" I need some time to calm down before I talk with you about that. Can we please talk about this tomorrow?"
that seems super weird to me too. hubby and i have never done that. we've gotten upset at each other, of course, but we usually resolve it and talk it out within a couple hours. the closest thing to that i can think of is if we're fighting and one of us has to go somewhere; i've stormed out before, but usually it's because i need to meet someone or go to class or work or something. and then one of us contacts the other by phone or email or something to apologize, either for being too worked up about it or for whatever started the disagreement in the first place
Its just immature. When I am really angry in the heat of the moment I still stop talking to FI but I can't go an entire day much less a week! And I thought that was a chick thing anyway.
The longest DH and I have gone not talking to eachother is about 3 hours. That seems crazy and unhealthy to me.
My fiance and I might not speak for about 20 to 30 minutes in the heat of an argument until we cool down, but we definitely don't go days or a week without speaking. That would be crazy. I can't say that I would tolerate it. It would make me nervous about the state of our relationship.
Sometimes I get mad and feel like giving the silent treatment , but I can't even last an hour let alone a week! Same with my fiance. I think a week is weird....and it means that there is a lot of immaturity going on there. IMO, that could really hurt a relationship.
I agree with PP, FI and I have gone a couple hours, but we both know it's just to cool off and we'll talk about it soon. We definitely don't go days, and especially not weeks...
Week is a bit long but I don't think the silent treatement is all that un common. You know the whole "if you don't have anything nice to sway don't say anything at all?" well it's possible the men wouldn't have said something nice so they just keep it shut.
I must say though, I wouldn't be all the surprised if they were exaggerating the the ENTIRE week. A few days, sure. But 7 full days? Either way, is it abnormal I don't think so, but 7 days is a bit long. He must have been REALLY pissed and therefore your gf's very out of line...
I'm glad to hear this isn't something you ladies are putting up with; it saddens me to think that my friends are willing to do so!
That's beyond weird! DH used to have a hard time opening up to me because he thought it was easier to just not fight about something than to give his opinion and work it out. He's come a long way and we talk everything through now! Silent treatment would not fly with me!
Wow....a week?!?! I don't think I could hold my emotions in for that long! I admit to giving my hubby the silent treatment for a few hours, but couldn't stand the awkwardness of it...so I "spilled the beans" and we ended up talking it out.
that takes a lot of determination and commitment to stay silent for a week...maybe they should put that energy into something that will make their relationship with their wives grow. I don't really think that's normal. I could understand a few minutes just to cool off...but a week is going way too far!
Oh wow...a week? My husband isn't the silent type of guy. He would much prefer to hash things out and move on. Me on the other hand, I've been guilty of giving the silent treatment before, but only for about an hour or two when I've cooled down enough to talk about things rationally.
Imho, the "silent tx" is manipulative behavior. Cruel too.
Not normal.
@vmec: Help me out here.
"He must have been REALLY pissed and therefore your gf's very out of line..."
Even if he was REALLY pissed it doesn't mean that anyone is out of line. This is the excuse that men who abuse women use." It was her faut. She pushed me into it."
No one is responsible for his behavior but him.
@julies1949: Without knowing what they were actually fighting about I can't say weather either is "right" or "wrong". But if the hubbies were THAT pissed off I can only assume that your gf's (the wives) said something REALLY bad... Now, if they men have anger issues or have histories of just bottling up feelings then maybe not... but again I don't know the history. Generally though when one person says something to upset the person so much so they feel like not speaking for days on end I can only ASSUME (yes, I'm assuming here because I don't know what the wives actaully said to make them this upset) that the wives said something pretty far out of line.
And this is entirely differnt than an abusing partner pointing the blame on the victim. So I can't see the parellel you drew between what I said, and an abusive husband saying she made me do it.
I guess basically I mean usually there's probably a pretty good reason when someone gets THAT upset. But I really know no details...
A whole week is crazy. Sometimes FI will give me the silent treatment for an hour or so, but never a whole week. That almost sounds like an exaggeration!!!
@julies1949: Um, she most definitely could have been out of line. What if she called his brother a filthy piece of worhtless trash or something equally rude and horrible? Just because men abuse women doesn't mean that women get a free pass to say whatever the hell they want.
No silent treatments here. He busts at the seams if there's a problem. We usually talk everything out. I do admit that there are times that I don't feel like talking because I need some time to myself. He's definitely the one who pushes and pushes for me to talk.
But a week of the silent treatment is ridiculous. My FMIL is going through this and has been for about a week. I agree with PP that it's childish.
Haha, my fiance maybe tries that for a few minutes... then breaks down apologizing and realizing how stupid he is being. We'll see what happens when we're married :)
Honestly? That behavior is entirely unacceptable to me. Punishing your partner through that kind of emotional withdrawal is not a healthy way to be in a relationship. I would seriously leave my husband if he ever did that to me. We both know we can take a break and have some alone time if it's necessary. But to go for a week ignoring the other person? Not even remotely ok.
And also, from my perspective, what their partners said to make them mad is irrelevant. Even if they said the most heinous thing imaginable--that's not an OK way to respond, any more than physcial violence is.
I guess every couple is different - my husband and I feel bad if we don't talk to each other for 5 minutes - we are pretty quick to say sorry and hug! Neither of us can stand if we make the other person feel bad lol
Even when I'm giving bf the silence treatment I'm still talking to him, and laughing and the point is it never works. So yeah I think a week is a bit over the top.
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Okay, I have to ask because this seems like the most foreign thing ever to me. I was out to coffee with two of my closest girl friends who are married. One of them said how she made a comment about his brother one time and her husband wouldn't speak to her for a WEEK; the other said that her husband has gone about a week giving her the silent treatment for comments he didn't like that she had made. They both said they don't think this is weird and just attributed it to their husbands "occasional moodiness."
Do any of you girls have relationships like this with your fiance/husband?
I can't IMAGINE my fiance not speaking to me for even a day, let alone a week, for some comment I had made.