Post # 1
So my Darling Husband is a gret guy, he honestly and truly is. He does everything he can to make me happy. I am spoiled by him as he is just a great guy and he mocks the our idiot guy friends of his same age who don’t help cook, clean, listen to their gfs/wives etc.
He is very mature and an old soul for his age and I love that about him.
From the beginning…about 4 years ago Darling Husband and I decided he would go back to school to get a career that with him graduating doubled his income and in about 5 move years would double again and he would be the main provider and set us up. He worked his ass off at school, harder then I could have imagined and graduated top of his class and had job offers pouring in. Te only sucky part was during those 2 years we racked up alot of school debt for him.
So present day, he is 9 months out of school and we have paid back $12000 already of our debt which is a good chunk. We are beginning to look for homes and getting that set up etc. Well Darling Husband also has a thing for travel and has always wanted to go to Thailand. I have no real desire to go to Thailand. I struggle with stomach issues and I don`t travel well if I am anxious about it. So short version is, maybe one day I may go, but I could not guarantee it.
Our mutual best friend who we both love is going and asked if we wanted to come. We could afford one of us if we tapered our debt payment down. He wants to go but as he is a good guy says he feels like crap for leaving me for 2 weeks to go.
I told him straight out I cannot guarantee I could ever be your travelling buddy there and I don`t want to hold him back…so if its 2 weeks and its in the budget then he can go…I will miss him andhe better get it out of his system but he should go. I would take the same amount he would spend on his Thailand trip and but it towards a trip in the next 2 years for me to go to my mothers home country with her. So its not like he gets the money and I do not.
He thinks he is being selfish for doing this, and part of me doesn`t want him to and I feel like crap for thinking that.
What would you bees think or do in this situation? Would you “allow” your Darling Husband to go with the friend and enjoy that experience or do you think its too selfish of him and if I don’t go then he should not go?
Post # 3
@missjewels: I think this seems like a win-win! My husband and I sometimes travel without each other for various reasons, and while not ideal we are still grateful for any opportunity to travel. Maybe he will feel less guilty if you show him all the things you plan to do while he’s gone, like movie nights with friends or a staycation.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I’d be okay with him going. I’d miss him, but I’d want him to have a great time. I wouldn’t want him to stay home and feel upset with me for not letting him take this trip. It’s okay if you feel a little jealous or uneasy – I think that’s normal. But the important thing is to make sure you encourage him to do the things he loves (so long as it’s within budget, right? 🙂 )
I think you handled this the right way.
Post # 5
@missjewels: my husband gets 7 weeks of paid vacation a year, and is required to take two consecutive weeks a year. I get 19 total days of PTO and could never take two weeks off of my job. As such, he travels without me every year- last year, he went on a roadtrip to SxSW, and the year before he took a three-week trip to south africa. Not sure what his plan is this year, but I think it’ll be west-coast somewhere.
Am I jealous? YES. But of course I want him to go! The alternative is him sitting here at home alone for two weeks, and thats a shitty way to spend your vacation time. More than anything, I worry about him when he’s traveling (he rides a moto and usually takes one on his trips) but i think it’s good for us to be independent of eachother. I took a family vacation last summer without him for a week, and I think he enjoyed having the apt all to himself!
Post # 6
@missjewels: I really think you’re plan for traveling with your mom in two years is a great compromise! It gives both of you something to look forward to and allows both of you the freedom to travel somewhere you want to go.
Post # 7
I would absolutely be fine with him going because I wouldn’t want to hold him back from experiencing Thailand if that’s what he really wanted. I think the plan you guys have sounds like the perfect compromise.
Post # 8
Experiences like this dont always come along not would be selfish to have him stay home if he wants to go. Especially if you have no desire to.
Post # 9
As long as you’re comfortable with the friend I would let him go. I’m going with my mom to Norway this summer and I feel totally weird about leaving Darling Husband at home, but he wants me to go. If we TTC any time in the near future it will probably be the last time I go to europe for a long while.
Post # 10
@missjewels: I think if you honestly don’t mind him going without you, and you can afford it, he should go! He will feel bad but will love you more for being so cool about it.
There is something beautiful about missing someone when they go away; something special about the anticipation you feel when you’re just about to see them again…! Plus you have some time to yourself – being with your loved ones all the time is awesome and a blessing, but it’ll do you good to take some time for yourselve, even if it is at home. I say why not 🙂
And I’ve been to Thailand, it was awesome. They’ll have a great time!