- 4 months ago
belize : Your original post was very misleading because it hid the real issue, which is most definitely not the work trip.
I understand you feeling uncomfortable when there is someone who is very blatantly hitting on your spouse, but you also have to realize that if you are going to live a sane and stress-free life with your husband, you cannot attach yourself to his side at all times. At a certain point, you have to decide whether you trust him or not. If he is going to cheat on you with this woman (or any woman for that matter), he can very easily do it without being out of town.
Are you sure you trust your husband?
I have to agree that you either trust your DH or you do not. If you trust him, there is no worry. She could strip and throw herself at him and he would not sleep with her. But it sounds like you do not actually trust that nothing will happen. I just think you need to be honest with yourself and him before he goes. Tell him that his previous behaviour (for example, if he denied that her behaviour was inappropriate) didn’t sit well with you, and that you worried about his boundary setting abilities. I think you will be sick the whole trip unless you get things ironed out now.
As I said previously, my DH travels ALL. THE. TIME. It simply wouldn’t happen – or I would not be married to him – if I did not trust him completely. He and colleagues go out to nice dinners (all men), and sometimes drink during the evenings, but that is part of the job wining and dining potential customers. I never have a second thought about him being gone because he has never, ever given me a reason not to trust him. Honestly, I never would have married him if he had.
It sounds like you expect the company to pay for you due to your insecurities or you expect your husband not to go due to your insecurities. If you can’t trust him then why did you marry him? Maybe he should just quit his job and hang out with you all day.
Yes, why post only half the story at first, then get all those responses, then drop it on us what your REAL concern is?
This is marriage. This is work. There are other women out there, perhaps predatory females, and if you made your judgment on who you married and if he is a responsible husband, you can’t be by his side like a watchdog every minute. You take the same chances we all do. It rests with whether your husband is a good guy. I hope he is.
I do trust him, it’s just more annoying than anything.
I havent read all of the comments (yet) but the company I work for does infact make you share rooms, we have people on trips all the time sharing rooms, they hate it but its to keep costs low.
I wouldn’t waste your time worrying about it. My husband has had to go to out Las Vegas a couple times for work trips. His company paid for him and his boss/coworkers to go out there, and nobody had their spouses along. He had to share a hotel room a few times, but never with someone of the opposite sex. I can see why that woman would make you uncomfortable, but I doubt he’d be allowed to room with her. There’s really no reason for you to go along. Sounds like it’d be pretty boring since he’d likely be busy with his course for most of the day anyway. Unless he has given you good reason not to trust him, don’t worry about it.
If you really trusted your husband, this would not be an issue for you. She can’t make him be disloyal to you. That is entirely within his control.
julies1949 : THIS exactly.
If insecurity or mistrust is not at the heart of this issue, it wouldn’t be an issue at all. You have 6 or 7 pages of people telling you it’s not normal or reasonable for a wife to want to go on work trips with her husband, 6 or 7 pages of people telling you you’re being insecure. And yet instead of reflecting on the near-unanimous opinions on these pages, you go on the defensive with your rebuttal featuring newly remembered/ added facts. Instead of coming back a third time with more ‘oh, did I forget to mention….’ add ons that totally change the goal posts yet again, why not take a moment to actually listen to the responses you’ve been given and see if there’s any merit there, even if it may be hard to admit that your own insecurities are at the root of all this.