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I think it's only natural to feel a bit awkward about this, especially if you haven't spent a lot of time hanging out in the back aisles of video stores.
My advice, if you really want to try this, would be to skip the video you got for free and do some individual research into the wide (really) variety of porn available until you find something that piques your interest.
There's plenty of woman friendly stuff featuring actual women with real partners (and normal bodies), good lighting and non-kinky sex. It doesn't all have to be about busty blondes in enormous lucite hells. Then again, that might really do something for you.
First things first, good for you for having an open and loving sexual relationship with your husband! That's awesome.
FI and I have tried it, and honestly it was just fine. Just listen to yourself and what you want. You may find it thrilling, or awkward, or fun, or hilarious. Just be open to the experience (which it sounds like you are). Also, don't worry if it doesn't do it for you. To be honest, FI and I discovered that we prefer to watch it separately, and we're cool with that. You may find that it's a part of your sexual life that you enjoy.
I've always wondered this too. Like would it be akward or uncomfortable. FI and I thave talked about it before but I just dont really see the point in it? I dunno. It may be fun? Maybe I'm overthinking it too!
Personally, I really enjoy watching it. I've only watched it with my husband, and like you, never watched it before, and I find it a HUGE turn on.
Don't feel nervous, its not for everyone, you may like it you may not. I'm sure he will be understanding. But, you may be like me, and be plesantly surprised that you actually enjoy it! :)
It seems like if he's not pressuring you then you could just tell him how you feel. That you're curious but you don't know if you can handle it.
Just tell him you want control of the remote so you can shut it off if it's too much for you.
I enjoy watching it with my FI. But for me, it also depends on what I'm watching. Some 'genres' turn me on while other don't do anything for me. You just need to find what you're comfortable with watching.
I would be much more comfortable watching porn with him than going to a sex shop and buying a toy for myself, lol. It's great that you're willing to experiment and at least try things instead of saying "No way, Jose." Since you've never watched it before, I'm betting your first reaction is going to be laughter at the ridiculous plot lines! Have fun together!
@AudzinLuv: Going into the store was creepy! Even he was a bit uncomfortable. I can't say I'm sorry I went, but I'm not going to be sad if we never go back.
Different genres? Women-friendly? So much to learn...
I am definitely going to try this. I may regret it, but I think I'd regret just turning him down more. I don't know though if I will tell him quite how anxious I am about it, because I know if I did, he'd just decide not to do it at all. I do want to at least try.
Youd be surprised what it can lead to. lol. Try it once. If you dont like it, then at least you know you dont. You dont know until you try.
We like the comedy/movie spoof porn, they're generally hilarious and we end up forwarding through the sex to watch the "plot".
UPDATE: He just asked me how I feel about his suggestion. I told him the truth. I want to try it but am a little scared. When he asked why I was scared, I gave him the same reasons as in my first post.
So now he says forget it. We are not doing it. I won't bring it up again. UGH. That is exactly why I was afraid to say anything to him. I wanted to try, but was worried. But because I'm worried, he now refuses to do it.
@neva- if its something you want to try for him, just surprise him with it. Obviously its something you want, and like you said if your more conservative it may turn him on like crazy to have you put in a sexy movie.
I think you have to figure out what you want out of it. Is this something you're curious/interested enough in to try? Do you think it might lead to some fun times between the two of you?
Once you can put a firm answer down to why you might want to try it, approach him and let him know your reasoning. Heck, you can even tell him that you want to face your nerves head on!
Hm, it sounds like he really wants you to enjoy it first off. Maybe have a little explore on your own and see if there's anything that you like on your own and then you can introduce it later. I definitely wouldn't push it now because you both won't enjoy it and then you'll both feel rotten later.
Or maybe go a different route with it - how are you about reading erotic novels? Find something you're comfortable with and then you can read out bits to him that you're comfortable with.
I don't know if you get them in the US but over here there's lots of women only erotic stores (and I really mean women only. Men are only allowed in if they go with a woman, be it friend, girlfriend, wife, lover, whatever). When I first started thinking about porn and different things sexually that I wasn't comfortable with I found these stores a life saver in just being able to browse and not be judged.
@littlemissmoo: I had never heard of a woman-only store, but I would LOVE that. I'm not opposed to them,, but I just feel so awkward going in alone.
I second maybe watching some alone to get an idea of what you like. I am VERY picky, certain genres, or how some videos are shot completely don't do it for me. That being said, I've watched it alone and with FI, and it's something we really enjoy.
I agree with pp... Definitely check it out alone... get your feet wet without feeling embarrased for your possible reaction around him...
I would have to disagree with other posters on this. Watch it with your hunny first. I think it will be fun. Porn isn't really anything that terrible. The story lines are usually pretty cheesy which makes good laughter and conversation, and the whole sex parts, can be raunchy, but you guys will probably be doing your own thing by then anyways. If it gets too uncomfortable, turn it off, and make your own ( sans tape recorder) haha. But really, it'll be a FIRST time for you, experience it with your man!
I think that you should research some of the women friendly versions and get one that is recommended and suprise him with it! I wouldn't watch alone first, I would do it with him.
There was free Playboy channel on our honeymoon and it was awesome! Personally, I find it fun to spice it up every now and again. You can always try it and if you don't like it, don't do it. The first time DH and I watched porn together it was a bit akaward, but now I find it thrilling!
Maybe turn it into something humourous for both of you to enjoy? It might not be the angle he's going for, but Mr. Radish and I watched porn together once and I laughed the entire time because of how unrealistic it was. The two of us provided commentary for the video, like we were sportscasters.
Initially I was uncomfortable, but as we made a bigger joke out of it, I felt better. In fact, I've suggested that we watch more bad porn so we can laugh!
I've spent the last year working in an adult store, and we get this issue all the time. Truthfully, I enjoy watching it either alone or in a LARGE group (my friends and I have an annual "Porn and BBQ night where we all get together, rent and OLD porn and make fun of it). As open as I am, the ONLY time I ever felt awkward was when it's been just hubby and I. I always wonder if he compares their moves to mine or wants me to do something off the wall in the movie. He never does, but there's always that suspicion that he is or will.
As long as you trust your hubby's sexual desires are in the domain as yours, I'd say you're okay. GO FOR IT! You never know if you will discover something fun in the bedroom. You can always stop if you think things are getting out of hand.
Sex is really playtime for adults. It's supposed to be fun and exciting and happy.
This is porn, not a math test. There's no "right" way to watch porn. For one, there are many, many, MANY different kinds of porn with all different types of styles, actors, production values etc. It's very personal, the kinds of things that get you going versus someone else, and I think your husband would understand this and understand it if the video you have is just not your style.
But while i understand your nerves, do try to come at this with a sense of curiosity. It's about having fun. Giggle like a schoolgirl, get turned on, or gasp and turn it off--however your respond is fine. You might be grossed out--and that's okay. You might be jealous, and that's also okay (although jealousy can be a great aphrodisiac as well!). Chances are you'll like certain aspects and not others--I'm not much of a porn connoisseur, but I know it's hard to find the "perfect" porn! It's just like any other media--some movies you like, some you don't except this is infinitely more campy. So go ahead and let it be campy and fun. If you truly get uncomfortable, it's okay to admit it's not for you and turn it off. But otherwise, don't be afraid to laugh and abuse the ff or rew or slo-mo on the remote and just give it a whirl.
Since you are so nervous/worried you wont like it, I would really recommend starting out with softcore porn (basically its porn, you'll see breasts, people having sex, but they wont show genitalia - and as a woman who enjoys porn, the super close shots of genitalia can be a little unnerving in some videos. )
Lots of porn websites have a section dedicated to softcore only -
http://www.tnaflix.com/softcore-videos
so if you want to check it out before having to buy, that link is a site that is usually pretty good as far as free online porn goes (quality porn aimed at women tends to be expensive!)
If you are worried about feeling nervous seeing him watch someone else (even on screen) maybe you could explain that and tell him that you would like to snuggle/touch eachother while watching it (I'm sure he'll be more focused on you anyway, but that will help ensure that you dont just sit awkwardly next to eachother watching the screen and I'm sure he'll express that he's turned on by watching porn with you, not as much by the porn alone!)
My other suggestion would be to consider something like Penthouse letters or the story section on literotica.com - it's written stories, rather than a video...so maybe you would be more comfortable with that? I find that the written stories are better because it's easier to imagine Fi & I in the roles and doing what is described (rather than just watching two strangers on screen).
I know not every woman loves porn, but you sound curious and I definitely think it is worth giving it a chance (worst case scenario, you decide it's not something you want to do again...not a big deal:) I hope my suggestions are helpful - I think it will be easier and more enjoyable if you ease into it, rather than having a bad experience with something that is just too hardcore for your taste.
I'd watch it on your own first as it can make you feel awkward and shy I suppose and like someone else suggested at a later time surprise him with it. Personally speaking it's OK but I don't get turned on by it.
why not watch something together that isn't quite porn first. like some late night showtime/hbo etc. there's often some on-demand documentaries etc. that include sexuality and nudity without being hardcore sex. might be less worrisome than the real deal and you can gauge your reaction to see if you want to go further.
Driiiiiiiiiiink fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirst haha. And don't think of it as him getting turned on by someone else, try to think of it as him getting turned on with you.
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Sooo..let me start with a bit of background information.
I’ve always been a bit conservative as far as sex goes. But I love my husband so much, I am willing to try new things. So far, I have really had some wonderful experiences and I’m glad that I’ve been open to doing so. My husband and I visited an “adult” store a few weeks ago because he wanted to buy me a toy…a new thing for me. As it turned out, the store was having a special that day: buy a toy, get a free video. We brought the video home and put it away where the kids couldn’t find it. I totally forgot about it…but it seems he didn’t.
Last night, my husband has suggested that we watch it together this weekend. He’s quite excited about it, as he’s only ever watched porn alone, never with anyone. I’m both looking forward to it and dreading it, because I have no idea what to expect. I’ve never watched any porn.
For those bees that have, do you recommend it? I’m afraid it will bother me to watch my husband watch someone else, even if it’s not a “real” person. I’m also afraid that if I don’t like it, he will be disappointed. He is in NO way pressuring me. If I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it, he’d drop it and never bring it up again. I’d like to try this…but I’m just a bit concerned. I’m afraid it will be awkward. I’m afraid it might make me insecure or jealous. I’m afraid it might just gross me out.
Any tips? Is there a way to prepare for this? Or am I (most likely) just overthinking it?