Weddingbee boards

So, I'm not pregnant yet, and we don't plan on having kids for a couple of years, but already I'm feeling pressure about this. There's a long-standing tradition in my husband's family that the first-born son is always named after the paternal grandfather, and the whole family- m husband included- just expects me to go along with it. I have a few issues with this.

1. I think it's really naive and also selfish that they just expected that whatever woman married their son would just go along with this and not have any opinions or traditions of her own. The mother carries the baby for 9 months- that's a strong bond. Why would she suddenly give up all say in her baby's name?

2. I really don't like his father's name at all. And it's a name that will most definitely get our son picked on in school.

3. While I can appreaciate that my husband says his dad would be honored if we did this, I really want our kids to have identities of their own. I really think that being his grandfather's namesake heavily influenced my husband's choice of career, even though he denies it. 

4. I have a father of my own who would be completely ignored by this tradition. His name is a family tradition too. He's also  the last male of his line- I don't have any brothers or male cousins to carry on the family name. So my family's already losing our last name, while there's an abundance of male relatives in my husband's family. 

5. It's a foreign name, and my parents and other family members can't even pronounce it properly. They wouldn't be able to say their own grandson's name.

I really don't know what to do. I've offered my husband the option of using his dad's name as our future son's middle name, but he wasn't too fond of that idea. He has said that, while it'll make him sad not to follow the tradition, he'll eventually get over it. But I know that his family would completely resent me for it, since I've already heard from multiple people that I'm expected to do this. Nobody even asked me for my opinion, and I know that I'll resent my son's name and my husband's family if I stick to this tradition.

I'm already feeling so much pressure, and we're not even trying to conceive yet. Does anybody have any advice? I'm really starting to dread talking about haivng kids, and I've always wanted to be a mom.

@TheFutureMcBride: My dad was named after his grandfather (first, middle and last names), and he has several cousins with that exact same name, as well. He told me about the tradition when I was very young, but never pressured me to continue it. In fact, he even told me not to name any of my kids after him because he dislikes his first name. And my mom's family has a similar tradition, where all the boys get the same middle name, and several have my grandfather's first name.

I guess I mostly just hate being told what to do, especially in relation to our kids. And I see my husband's sister and cousins all happily naming their own babies whatever they want, and it makes me furious that they can enjoy that one minute, and then tell me that I have to name my baby after his grandfather the next. 

@GoldfishPie: I wanted to, but my husband knows that I'm obsessed with Weddingbee, and it's a pretty distinctive name. He sometimes does Internet searches for the name to show me how far back it goes, and I don't want this to come up. But I can tell you that the first name is the exact same as the last name. My baby would have the same first and last name. It's unfathomable to me, like the parents ran out of ideas or something.

@HappierKate: No, he's not Italian. His family is Lebanese, but my husband was born and raised in the States. And I'm Brazilian, so I had never heard of this tradition before. That story you told about your sister, that exact thing would happen if we used it as a middle name. They would all be extremely upset (and it's a huge family, so that's a lot of people that would be angry at me), talk about my "poor" husband for having a wife who doesn't respect his family, and I would always be the outsider who ruined a generations-old tradition.

@daybyday: I really wish I could share it, but I don't want my husband to see it. Like I explained to a PP, he's done Internet searches before to show me how far back this name goes. It's the exact same first and last name though. So, for example, our son's name would Johnson Johnson, or Williams Williams. That part drives me nuts.

@Aisling10: Isn't that so annoying?! It's like, how can anyone just make that assumption?

@chasesgirl: I actually wouldn't even care anymore at this point if they did do that, if it kept them from interfering so much. His family is very close-knit, which is a good thing most of the time, but they're always in each other's business all the time, and nobody can make a decision without everybody else knowing about it.

Actually, I tried another compromise too- if you get to name our son all on your own, I get to name our next kid all on my own. He said absolutely not and looked so shocked. And I was like, hello...isn't that what you're trying to do?

@Bubu82: I couldn't have said it better myself. I wish it had been presented differnetly, like you said, as an option rather than a demand. Maybe then it wouldn't have ruffled my feathers so much. I think it would be hilarious to have all girls. His family is very much traditionally Middle Eastern. They cry if a family doesn't have sons.

@ladyartichoke: I offered my husband the option of using it as a middle name, but even that didn't seem like enough, I guess it's all or nothing in his family, which is reall sad to me.