- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
So, I’m not pregnant yet, and we don’t plan on having kids for a couple of years, but already I’m feeling pressure about this. There’s a long-standing tradition in my husband’s family that the first-born son is always named after the paternal grandfather, and the whole family- m husband included- just expects me to go along with it. I have a few issues with this.
1. I think it’s really naive and also selfish that they just expected that whatever woman married their son would just go along with this and not have any opinions or traditions of her own. The mother carries the baby for 9 months- that’s a strong bond. Why would she suddenly give up all say in her baby’s name?
2. I really don’t like his father’s name at all. And it’s a name that will most definitely get our son picked on in school.
3. While I can appreaciate that my husband says his dad would be honored if we did this, I really want our kids to have identities of their own. I really think that being his grandfather’s namesake heavily influenced my husband’s choice of career, even though he denies it.
4. I have a father of my own who would be completely ignored by this tradition. His name is a family tradition too. He’s also the last male of his line- I don’t have any brothers or male cousins to carry on the family name. So my family’s already losing our last name, while there’s an abundance of male relatives in my husband’s family.
5. It’s a foreign name, and my parents and other family members can’t even pronounce it properly. They wouldn’t be able to say their own grandson’s name.
I really don’t know what to do. I’ve offered my husband the option of using his dad’s name as our future son’s middle name, but he wasn’t too fond of that idea. He has said that, while it’ll make him sad not to follow the tradition, he’ll eventually get over it. But I know that his family would completely resent me for it, since I’ve already heard from multiple people that I’m expected to do this. Nobody even asked me for my opinion, and I know that I’ll resent my son’s name and my husband’s family if I stick to this tradition.
I’m already feeling so much pressure, and we’re not even trying to conceive yet. Does anybody have any advice? I’m really starting to dread talking about haivng kids, and I’ve always wanted to be a mom.