(Closed) Husband is Rehasing Old Events

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like he’s working through his own feelings about this… and is probably not aware how hurtful his process has been to you.

What do you usually say when he shares his line with you?

Post # 5
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee

I was just figuring that he must be pretty upset about this, to keep bringing it up over and over?

Post # 7
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I agree he’s probably hurt.  Have you given him the kind of reassurance that you wrote here, that it’s not anything.

After a bit though when he brings it up I’d just tell him that you’ll sleep in a different room since you don’t want to keep him up at night…..not that you actually do it, but just to get the point across that you’re sorry about it but there’s limited amount of stuff you can do to fix the problem and you need to be able to sleep without stressing.

Post # 9
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee

troubled has a good point about moving into a different room!  I did that for a while when I started to snore… thankfully I lost the extra weight I had gained so now I don’t sno’ no mo.

Yah I totally get why you would be upset as well.

Just as a footnote, in my experience when I’m upset and my wife is upset… it’s been pretty tough for us to move past something.  Usually one of us has to switch gears and focus on the other person’s hurt… then the healing process tends to swing into motion.

Post # 11
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee

When you guys argue or fight, is there one person who usually says sorry first?

Post # 13
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I would definitely come straight out and let him know that his constant comment hurts you very much. It’s not your fault that you talk in your sleep and say someone’s name. It’s not like you can control your dreams. Try bringing this up to him first before you get into an argument and he brings it up yet again.

Post # 14
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee

Ah ok.  Yah most relationship tends to have one peacemaker… so was checking to see which one of you is the peacemaker.

In general I’ve found that when both partners are upset… it’s usually up the peacemaker to focus on the other person’s hurt, if at all possible.  But ymmv!  And it’s totally fair to be upset that he’s bringing this up repeatedly…

Good luck with things and let us know how it turns out!!

Post # 15
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Done something wrong or just something that bothers him?

I think you’re right about needing to express to him how much it hurts you that he keeps bringing this up, you just need to be able to have a response for the inevitable ‘do you know how much it hurts that you’re saying another guys name’.  But if he won’t tell you what you’re saying, and you aren’t aware of it, you’re kinda at a stand still.  He can either be willing to work with you or against you, and it’s kinda his call at this point.  But if he’s only going to be against you then I’d be clear that it’s a dead in the water subject until he’s able to deal with it rationally.

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