Husband keeps lying about finances please help!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you file for divorce or give him a chance?
    File for Divorce : (138 votes)
    94 %
    Give him another chance. : (9 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 2
    42135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    teebee85:  Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?

    Post # 3
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    julies1949:  Exactly.  It sounds like he hid this from you while you were dating and now that you’re married he is taking you down with him.  I doubt this is something that can be fixed and honestly I see it as a breach of the contract of marriage.  I’m sorry but I would divorce him ASAP before he has time to destroy my credit along with him.  In the meantime, make sure he doesn’t have access to your accounts or Social Security number to open credit in your name.  I would also pull a credit report just to make sure he hasn’t already and close any open accounts that are not yours or he has access to.

    Post # 5
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    teebee85:  Money comes and goes, but marriage is forever…. as long as you both fulfill your end of the bargain. He started your marriage in lies. As my mother used to say, a leopard doesn’t change its spots over night.

    I totally get the “stand by your main” aspect. But I also know a story about a friend. Their dad was fiscally irresponsible to the point that povery was a serious issue. Mother was saddled with kids and dad was full of sob stories and smoke and mirrors. The road to financial ruin due to lying and irresponsibility is toxic and generally permanent. Get out now, before you lose your house, your car along with your marriage.

    Post # 6
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    teebee85:  None of his issues magically appeared overnight, he has been dealing with many of them for quite a while and you’ve only been married for 6 months.  I’m sorry but I don’t thnk he was completely honest with you about his finances and debts before getting married.

    Post # 7
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I couldn’t live like this never knowing what sort of financial disaster was around the corner.

    So unless he is prepared to be 100% honest and upfront about what he owes and to whom so that you can get some sort of payment schedule worked out together then I’d be filing for divorce. Otherwise he’s going to take you down with him.

    I know that hindsight is a wonderful thing but I think I’d have postponed the wedding at the point you discovered yourself $12,000 short too. He may have had help from his aunts but, as an adult, somewhere along the line he has to take responsibility for himself because he won’t always be able to rely on family to bail him out.

    I’ve known a few people who operated their finances like a train wreck. I’m afraid to say that in all cases they invented utterly preposterous stories to explain away their circumstances so I very much doubt that your husband has had hundreds of thousands of dollars stolen from his business. More likely his business has simply failed to to his own mismanagement.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  .
    Post # 8
    3389 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    teebee85:  I spent 10 thousand dollars divorcing a man like your husband. he kept his finances in the trunk of his car. cut your losses and get out of this situation. 

    Post # 9
    867 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    When you are married you are held responsible for his fincincal mistakes, so these are things that directly affect you. I would highly suggest going to seeing a therapist who specializes in this area. maybe he just does not understand how drastically these things affect you and your lives together and needs a wake up call from someone besides you. The fact that his aunts bailed out your wedding makes me question if he thinks he can do whatever because someone will always fix it for him. If you don’t think that would help then I’m sorry to say I would 100% leave this man. He has no respect for you or himself  or his family (owing money to family yikes?!).

    Post # 10
    2694 posts
    Sugar bee

    Too many lies and too much irresponsibility for me. I don’t think I could look at him the same again. 

    Post # 11
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My sister married a man who was like this… 10 years later she has divorced him. She found out about 60K in debt shortly after they married. He put their entire honeymoon on credit card without telling her!

    Even when they recognised he had a huge money problem, he would secretly open new credit card accounts and splurge on fancy ass speakers for his car without even discussing it with her. And my sister broke her back and broke her heart trying to fix him and trying to make ends meet. 

    Try counselling if he is willing. Just so that you don’t leave any stone unturned or any word unspoken.

    But you can’t build a future with a liar. 

    Post # 12
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My god. Get out now.

    Post # 13
    4878 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    If he owes money to the IRS, be aware that they won’t hesitate to go after your assets, including your bank accounts & paycheck.  ITA about checking your credit report to make sure he’s not opening accounts under your SSN.

    There is no way you can or should trust this guy.  He sounds deeply disturbed & lacking in basic moral character.

    This is one time I wouldn’t advise wasting your time & money on therapy for you two as a couple.  For you as an individual for support, yes.  

    Divorce is the only way you can take care of yourself in this situation.  If you feel wobbly, sit down & write out a list of every lie he’s ever told you.  Every one.



    Post # 14
    24457 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Honestly, I would run away as fast as I could.  Anything that he is screwing up can affect you.  Especially since he is being sued, that is super scary.

    Post # 15
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    teebee85:  Things weren’t different when you were dating. He just hid it better because you guys weren’t married.

    If you want to stay with him (but full disclosure I would not hesitate to leave the love of my life if he were pulling the kind of stunts your husband is), you need therapy and your husband NEEDS financial counseling. But that requires money that you don’t have. You also can’t trust your husband with ANY financial matters, so you need to be in charge of all incoming and outgoing income. ALL the bills, all the checks, everything, you need to deal with. Is that something you want, or are able, to take on?

    There are things that are more important than love… respect being one of them. Does it feel like your husband respects you? He doesn’t respect himself, you, or your relationship enough to shape up. Do you respect your husband? I sure wouldn’t if he were pulling this crap on me. But seriously, he is a liar, and is SERIOUSLY damaging your good name. Your quality of life and your financial stability is threatened by your husbands actions. Why stay?

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