Husband keeps staying out

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

barrelracer90912:  aw that sucks, Hun. Not a fun thing to go through with your hubby. How long have you guys loved together? Have you been bickering at all? It sounds more like he is a bit disconnected to you and your life at home. 

 

Any stressors at work? Is this a new friend? has he always been one who needs his space? 

Seems kind of weird that he would start this all of a sudden. It sounds like you are making an effort by trying to do things that interest him or include his friend in activities – have you brought up how you feel at all?

Post # 3
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It kind of sounds like you’re too available for him. It’s horrible that he doesn’t want to hang out with you, but he might feel that he can see you any time but he can’t see his friends as often. It’s probably just a phase though.

In the mean time, try hanging out with your own friends and making your own plans without him for a week or two. He gets space, you get to see your girlfriends, and he’ll probably realise that he misses hanging out with you. Sometimes absense makes the heart grow fonder.

If you try this and it only encourages him though, it’s definitely time to sit down and have a chat – either just you guys or with a counsellor. 

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

as your husband, this is unacceptable. Staying out at night might have been ok in boyfriend territory but he needs to respect you and your marriage and cut the crap and if I were you I wouldn’t be asking him to stop, I would be demanding change. He isn’t single and this is how single men behave. No matter the excuse, this is unacceptable and shouldn’t be dealt with.

he maybe wants more time with his friends so give it to him but set specific time lines, and he doesn’t need to extend that time without your approval and if he doesn’t like it he needs to put his big boy pants on and grow up.

Post # 5
Member
4837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

There’s no way you can “get him” to stop staying out.  You can talk sincerely with him & let him know how his behavior makes you feel, but you can’t make him change.

Is he open to counseling?

Post # 6
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree, this is definitely unacceptable behavior from a husband (or even a live-in boyfriend IMO). I think if it’s a special occasion and you two have agreed upon the terms, then it might be okay, but really, this is little boy behavior and your husband is supposed to be a grown ass man.

Post # 7
Member
3335 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

barrelracer90912:  Staying out all night and not telling you that he’s not coming home or where he is? I’m sorry, but I would flip my shit. I wouldn’t have even accepted that behavior out of a boyfriend that I didn’t live with, let alone a husband. 

I understand that different people have different needs as far as alone time or friend time. It’s completely understandable that he wants to hang out with his friends a couple times a week, but he should not be staying out all night on a regular basis. I could see if every now and then he has a few too many drinks at a friend’s house and is too drunk to drive home, but not multiple days a week. It seems like he may be dealing with something that he is trying to work out himself, have you tried counseling? He may need some counseling on his own as well. 

In the meantime, don’t wait up for him, go hang out with your friends, as PP said, maybe he feels like you’re too available and you’re always around to hang out with if/when he wants to.

Post # 8
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

SithLady:  +1,000,000,000

I think everyone is entitled to their space, privacy and personal friendships but that’s down right unacceptable.  I went into this post with an open mind but there’s no coming back from that.   

 

Post # 9
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

barrelracer90912:  um this is not acceptable. He has a home of his own, he has a wife at home, he needs to come home every night. Thats one issue that needs to be corrected asap.

the other issue is staying out all night not just once, twice but three times? Thays excessive. I am all for having a social life but I think there should be an agreement on how many times a week you will haang out with friends. 

Post # 10
Member
958 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

barrelracer90912:  Gosh I don’t want to be the only one thinking wrong in this post… But do you think that maybe he isn’t staying out with friends?? Have you seen any other changes besides the ones you have seen already?  I know this sounds horrible and I pray for the best but all of this sounds soooo fishy to me.  Sit him down and talk to him.  Try seeking professional help. What he is doing is completely unacceptable.  Good luck!! I will pray for a positive outcome!

Post # 12
Member
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It seems pretty clear that he’s unhappy at home and would rather be elsewhere. Why else would a grown man, with a wife and children, stay out all night without so much as a quick text to let his family know..

I would’ve kicked him out the first time it happened, you guys have children. What if they wake up and ask where he is? Do you just lie? Or tell them the truth that you have absolutely no idea where your husband is..  How has this happened THREE times?!

Post # 13
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

 

barrelracer90912:  The fact that you have children make this even more unnacceptable. If this were my husband, he would have been exentsively questioned at the first time he didnt come home and would have involved a lengthy discussion as to why its not okay. Im all for having alone time, but you should be able to manage to come home at night ESPECIALLY if you have children. That is ridiculous.

Post # 14
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

barrelracer90912:  I think you two would benefit from counseling. He’s clearly stressed by things at home (chores, kids, etc) and is probably hurt from when you didn’t want to spend time with him.

I think counseling could help you both manage your stress better and make it so that you both like being home.

Post # 15
Member
2975 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

“I know he said last night that he just doesn’t even want to come home and deal with everything here.”

What is the “everything here?” This sounds less like he is a man-child (as pp suggested) and more like there are sone other serious problems going on. This sounds like a symptom of a marriage that is almost over.

Did you want to post the full story? 

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