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It seems pretty irresponsible to get pregnant when you are financially unstable (at least, I would not intentionally do it). I would wait until he finds another job)
Think about this: What would be best for the child? Parents want to do what is best for them despite the discomfort of the parent, that's what good parenting is about. I think you should wait.
I'm with @crayfish...if you're already pregnant, you & your family will find a way to pull through, but if you're not, it seems like the smart & caring thing to postpone getting pregnant until your financial situation is more stable.
Good luck & I hope your husband finds a job soon!
If you decide to start BC again, make sure you're not pregnant before starting it. I personally would stop TTC until he finds another job. Babies are expensive and stressful. Not having a job and having a baby would be extremely stressful. Do you have any reason to believe that you wouldn't be able to conceive if you waited a while longer?
Edit: I meant to write if you are taking BC medication (tablets, ring, patch etc) wait to start it until you know if you are pregnant. Condoms would be ok now though.
Why not just not use BC, but chart so you can avoid getting pregnant, but when it's time to try again, you won't have to wait til BC is out of your system? I chart and before I was TTC, I used my chart to avoid.
This is really something you & your husband need to discuss. I voted to get back on the pill because that's what I would do.
From what I hear (no children) you're never ready for a baby... financially, emotionally, etc. There's never a good time to take on something so big as having a child, but you'd find a way to make it work. Only you & your husband will knpw what is right for you as a couple. Good luck & I'm sorry he lost his job.
I think this also totally depends on your financial situation. Do you have an emergency fund of 3-4 months of his salary? If so, maybe you dip into that a bit, hopefully he finds something soon and you are on your way.
I would be afraid of starting BC pills again and having to wait to come back off of them to start TTC again. Maybe just use other forms of protection in the mean time. You never know, maybe he will find a job within a month or so.
You really never are ready for a baby, but I agree it wouldn't be totally responsible at this single point in time..
However, I think going back onto the pill is a bit drastic. (I'm assuming you are talking about the pill) I think there are other birth controlling options that wouldn't put off your desire to have kids for longer. If you get back on the pill you have to worry about the timing getting back off and such. If I were you, I'd talk to your husband and talk about other options for birth control. If you were already talking about general birth control options sorry about the rant:)
@Lees4308: Oh, sweetie, think for a moment. The OP is gonna need prenatal care long before the 9 month deadline. I'm also not quite sure how your situation is at all similar to the OPs.
I agree with the remainder of women here--if you're not financially stable, wait on having a baby. But it's ultimately yours and your husband's decision to make together.
What about insurance? Do you have your own source for that? That is what I would consider one of the biggest factors.
I would definitely not start on BC until you are 100% certain you are not pregnant. I would use condoms until you were able to go back on BC & wait to conceive until your husband found a steady job.
Good luck to him on his job search! :)
Trying to conceive on purpose, knowing you don't have the income to handle a child doesn't seem very responsible. Waiting a few more months could help relieve a LOT of anxiety. I know we're pushing off TTC until DH gets a real job (aka not Target). So don't assume he'll magically get a job in 9 months. It certainly hasn't worked that way for DH, despite what we thought
My husband lost his job right before the wedding and we kept trying. Yeah, it's scary, but we're both excited about it.
I think it depends on what that means for your financial situation. My husband lost his job the week of our wedding and we still planned on getting pregnant about 9 months later. Due in January and he still hasn't found anything permanent/full-time. Would I prefer him to be in a stable job? Of course. But my one salary is enough to keep us from being in a bind. And unfortunately I didn't feel like our timeline could be adjusted much since we want 2 kids and I'll turn 34 shortly after #1 is born. I guess my advice would be to keep trying with the worst case scenario in mind (you give birth with an unemployed husband). :)
You didn't mention if you are working or if you could look for a job? I think your first priority should be employment for at least one of you, if not both. Even if it's not your dream job, just get an income and hopefully medical benefits. It's not really fair to everyone who will be supporting you (family members, friends, taxpayers) to intentionally try to conceive right now. And most importantly it's not fair to the unborn child to intentionally bring him into a world where his parents don't have the means to support him.
ETA: Also, this just happened a few days ago so hopefully this is only temporary. It's just that you can't predict how long it will take to get back on your feet. It could be 1 week or 1 year, or longer. But keep your head up and think positive, hopefully you'll be back in action soon.
I don't think anyone can answer this question for you but if I were you, I would wait. Having a child is expensive, not just what the baby needs when it gets here, but as soon as you get pregnant, sometimes even before you get pregnant. Do you have insurance that will cover all the pre natal/post natal care? That alone could be 10-20k depending on your location. Ultimately, yes, it's your decision, but I think it would be irresponsible to start before you are financially stable.
I voted other. I dont think you should go back on BC right away because you need to see if you are pregnant or not. But I think once you find that out in a few weeks then you should go back on. While everyone is saying "its up to you" - I dont really think it is. I think it is VERY irresponsible for people to bring children into the world when they dont have the means to care for them. I just dont think its fair to the child. Of course in addition to it being a disadvantage to your child you are also going to be putting yourselves in a stressful situation. I say wait until your husband has not only found a job, but been there for a few months - you need to have savings, something to fall back on and of course insurance. I also just noticed that you already have a child (or children?) and I just think you need to put your energy and focus and money towards them instead of bringing in another one.
unemployment is STRESSFUL, and in this economy you never know how long it will last. it could easily be more than 9 months. do you really want to add the stress of a pregnancy and the need for more money for doctor visits and baby supplies into that? and then you would need maternity leave, which depending on your job could be unpaid, so it's possible that neither of you would have any income for a few weeks. ttc is not the responsible thing to do right now, and all the financial stress would not be healthy for a pregnancy.
I vote to wait until he has another full time job, especially if you already have a child to care for. My biggest concerns would be insurance (for both you and the baby) – would the baby go under your insurance, and would the premium change affect your household budget? Do you get paid maternity leave at 100% of your salary (or a percentage where the maternity leave pay could still cover your necessary expenses)? Do you have emergency savings of several months you could dip into? What if your older child runs into a large medical expense, or needs some sort of care that would require you to take leave from your job – would you be eligible for short/long term disability, etc.?
There are tons of expenses before the baby is born, especially if your health insurance is questionable (and even if it isn’t – copays add up quickly when you only have one income). If it were me, I would definitely wait.
Your age would also be a factor in this decision. If I were in my late 30s in this situation, I would be a lot more likely to go ahead and keep trying than if I were in my early 20s.
Also, your husband's field of employment is important. Does he work in a position that has been even more decimated than most - journalism, law, humanities professor, assembly line worker for Ford? Do you live in an area that has been especially hard hit by the recession, such as Detroit?
I would stop trying. Maybe not go back on BC, but stop trying. Like PP have said, it is not responsible to bring a child into this world if you can't support it.
I would hold off just momentarily. I wouldn't get back onto birth control because that can make your cycle pretty wonky. Just use other methods. (like.. condoms)
I'm someone who is talking from experience. My DH had some health problems and he couldn't work. He got demoted because he couldn't keep up with the hours. His pay cut was very significant and his health problems continued and kept him out of work. It was bad, we went through our savings trying to make up for his lost wages.
He tried finding another line of work that would be less stressful on his disease but no one is hiring at the moment. He had a job lined up and we really thought it was going to happen. After waiting nearly 2 months, we gave up but our bank account already took the damage.
If you are 100% confident he can get another job, I might consider trying. He and I were 80% confident he was going to get this job.
We were plannng to start TTC nex year.
I've had the baby urges really bad and I asked him if we could revisit the baby issue in 6 months. He said he would. Things are getting better for him at his job and his health issues.
Yes, I know if you were to pregnant, you would make it work. That's what I considered too but at this point, we can't.
Why don't you take a 3 month hiatus? I don't know what your husband does but the job market is tough... real tough right now.
ETA: I did consider that I would be getting a bonus check and tax refund next year but I decided that I should put that into our savings that we depleted and good for our emergency fund. If we do decide to go ahead in start trying in 6 months, at least I'll be into the next year where I can get another bonus and tax refund. And plus hopefully saving how we used to be.
@Lees4308: You said, "If you get pregnant, it will still be another 9 months until all of the real finances come. So, your husband will definitely have another job by then, won't he?"
I assume by "finances" you mean "expenses" (correct me if I'm wrong). Um, no, sweetie, lots of major expenses come into play long before the 9 month gestation period is up. As another poster mentioned, HEALTH INSURANCE is a biggie. How else would they pay for prenatal care? Insurance is not cheap in the US. Also, they're going to need the baby furniture, carseat, enough money socked away to cover unpaid mat leave, and lots of savings in case any complications arise (health-wise or employment-wise). So no, your advice was not very good at all.
Regarding the second half of your paragraph -- in this economy, there's no guarantee that he will be able to find a good job to support the 3 of them within the next 9 months (and keep it). It's happened to a lot of people; think about it. I also fail to understand how your situation relates to the OP's, as your SO already has a stable job as you admitted.
I think there are a lot of unknowns in this situation that really make the answer, "it depends".
There really probably isn't a point with going on with this discussion until the OP comes back for an update.
To answer a few of your questions, I have a nice paying job, we already have a child (so we know what parenting requires), we do not have to pay for child care (My job is in that field) and to update my husband has 6 job interviews this week. God is so good!
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Dilemma
My husband started trying to conceive at the beginning of this month. He lost his job on Friday :( I have mixed feelings as to whether or not we should keep trying or stop. I may already be pregnant but will not know for at least another 2 weeks. I really want another child but at the same time am nervous as to whether or not he will have a job by then......