Post # 1
I know this topic has been discussed ad nauseam, but I’m trying to convince myself that my ex-boss didn’t just decide he doesn’t like me anymore.
Back story: I played a large role in helping my boss develop his relationship with his fiance. I gave advice when they started dating long distance since I was in an LDR with my husband. I helped him through rough patches, gave gift suggestions that went over well. I like to think that my input helped a lot. He moved on to another position in the company at another location in June and since then I received an email with an electronic STD as well as a request for my address. Yesterday, I received the invitation in the mail and was surprised to see that only I was invited to his wedding. Just one seat reserved blah blah blah.
He knows I’m married. He was invited to my wedding, but didn’t come, but it was a Destination Wedding in Hawaii. His is an out of town Friday night wedding, so I would have to leave work early and stay overnight. This all leads me to think that he didn’t really want me to come and that the best non-confrontational way to do it aside from not send me an invite all together is to not invite my husband?
It’s his second wedding, so maybe they want to keep it small and save money. I just don’t know. I’m definitley not going without my husband and I’m ok with not going, but I’m more worried about what it says about our friendship or lack thereof.
Just rambling and thinking out loud. What do you guys think?
Post # 3
It’s possible that it has more to do with finances than with you personally–we all know how that budget thing goes. Decline gracefully, say that you and your husband would love to celebrate with them some other time, and see how that goes before you make any decisions about what this means re: your friendship.
Post # 4
I’d just decline and assume they had space or budget limitations. Unless you had some other reason to think otherwise, I’d assume he didn’t mean it maliciously.
Post # 5
You are not obligated to attend – a guest is never obligated to accept an invitation – and it’s much easier and less confrontational to decline than to address the issue that your former boss & his bride-to-be were rude enough to only invite half of a married couple.
If they didn’t know you were married, you could call or email to “catch up” and mention your wedding – which must have taken place since you last chatted, since they weren’t aware that you are married. (At that point, they would have the opportunity to extend the invitation to your husband.)
BUT – Since they do know that you are happily married, the couple was probably just trying to meet budget or space limitations. Unfortunately they seem to have taken an approach that isn’t quite polite. Since you don’t care to attend alone, just decline the invitation. But DO send a note with your well wishes for the couple! (If you are close to them, you may choose to send a gift, but you aren’t required to do so, merely because you were invited.)
Post # 6
When my old boss got married, I was engaged to my Darling Husband at the time. She just invited me. I wound up declining and it didn’t cause any issues; I am assuming she just did it for space because she did not have a big wedding. I did wind up sending her a small gift.
Post # 7
We’re inviting partners for the most part to the day; only exceptions are new relationships, where we haven’t met the partner many times and don’t really know them.
For the evening, we are inviting mainly couples, but again there will be exceptions: and this includes my work colleagues. I have never met their partners, and they will be coming as a group, and will know plenty of people there. I’ve been invited to similar things without my OH before, and see no issue with it. If we started inviting everyone’s partners, or giving everyone plus 1’s, we’d have to cut other people off the list; and in reality, this would mean that we just wouldn’t invite colleagues in the first place. In my case, I know they’ll happily come without their partners, so see no reason not to invite them just because I can’t also invite their partners.
If you don’t want to go alone, don’t go; it’s really that simple. But I personally would consider going.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t read into it too much. They may have had space restrictions or budget issues and were trying to trim the guestlist by eliminating people they don’t know well. They obviously wanted to make sure you were invited & that’s the main thing. Personally, I would decline because I wouldn’t want to travel alone but send a lovely card & gift congratulating them.
Post # 9
I think this is a pretty bad breach of etiquette but I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn’t aware of the rule that married couples are an unbreakable social unit. I doubt he was trying to “invite you without really inviting you.” That said, I wouldn’t go. I would just decline and send my best wishes.
Post # 10
Hmm, it could be space issues. Once my husband was invited to the ceremony of a wedding without me as there was no space in the church, but I was invited to the dinner & party after.
That said, if you are not comfortable, don’t go.
If you did go and find that everyone else had partners there of course, you’d have to wonder!
Post # 11
I’ve seen threads on WB about whether coworkers can be invited sans spouses. It’s possible that your former boss took this approach; it is a breach of etiquette, but I wouldn’t read further into it.
Post # 12
Space issues, money issues, it really doesn’t matter, it’s incredibly rude and it baffles me that people actually invite one half of a married couple and think it’s OK. I understand the issues behind keeping your guest list under a certain size, but you really shouldn’t have been invited at all if they could not accomodate your husband as well.
That being said, obviously you shouldn’t call them out on their rudeness. Just decline the invite and send a card congratulating them (from you AND your husband). I would not even consider going without my husband/fiance, but if you reallly wanted to, you could – I guess.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@kimm99: This: Just decline the invite and send a card congratulating them (from you AND your husband)
Post # 14
Some people just can’t afford that. Weddings are mad expensive, yo.
Post # 15
I think I’m looking too deeply into it and it probably is one of the more obvious reasons of space/budget rather than he didn’t really want to invite me, but felt obligated because of the STD.
I’m going to decline and send a card and gift. So far only one other coworker has been invited and he was invited to the first wedding. If more from work, I might consider going with a group, but knowing him, I don’t think there will be more many more invited from work.
Thanks ladies for your opinions.
Post # 16
Is it possible that he gave his fiance his list, with you on it, and assumed she knew to invite your husband? Maybe she didn’t recognize your name and since he didn’t add your fiance it came to just you? I’ll be honest, my fiance has given me names of people (coworkers, friends, etc) and I didn’t recoginize them.