Post # 1
Background: My husband and I are approaching our first wedding anniversary. We are 29 and have been together 10 years. We discussed having a family before we married and were both on the same page, that we would like a couple of children.
i have been on the pill for 13 years and have decided enough is enough, I want to come off it and begin to normalise my cycle, and also just to give my body a rest from it. We discussed this and my husband was totally supportive – I am finishing my current supply, and will come off in January.
i haven’t got particularly strong feelings about when to start TTC, if it happened immediately next year Id be fine with it, but equally am happy to wait a while, but not too long as Id like to start a family sooner than later.
i have tried to engage my DH in discussion about what we should do for protection if any, when I come off. I did some reading about it and suggested some options – condoms for a while, pull-out method, charting my cycle and avoiding the risky ‘window’ or doing nothing and just chancing it. I want to be prepared and know what we are going to do.
I first bought it up about 3 months ago and asked what he thought we should do. He said he would think about it. I have tried not to pressure him too much, but have asked a few times since then if he has thought about it at all, and he just says ‘not yet’.
He is really busy at work right now and he has a lot on his mind, but I am finding it difficult knowing that I am coming off it in about 5 weeks, and not having some sort of ‘plan’.
Has anyone else had this situation? Or thoughts on how to handle it?
I know for sure he definitely stlll wants to have children, so it isn’t that he has changed his mind…
Post # 3
@Loupyloo: my FH is like this. He takes a while to process big information. When I had to come off hormonal birth control 2 years ago for health reasons he was great, and it’s been condoms ever since (which I hate but we deal with it). We’ve discussed having a family post wedding, the official TTC ‘date’ is up in the air. We’re kind of planning on the chance it method (losing the condom and seeing what happens) but we’re not really sure yet. I have a feeling with us, it’s probably going to be a little bit of winging it. I might just stop buying condoms after the wedding…not sure yet.
In your case, perhaps have some condoms on hand for when you’re not on the pill. I would mention it again as you get closer to the date. Casually suggest, ‘I guess we should pick up some condoms, my pills run out next month’ prod him that way perhaps? Men can be funny when it comes to these things.
Post # 4
Just get some condoms and have them handy for when the time comes.
He’s a big boy, and he knows unprotected sex can result in pregnancy.
I wouldn’t worry too much about having a plan in place, and I would drop the subject and not bring it up any further.
He may surprise you and not want the condoms … he may say “Let’s go for it.”
Just have them ready “in case.”
Post # 5
@MsGinkgo: +1 my FI took two months to deal with the change of not having to use condoms anymore after I got the implant (we used them when I was on the pill because I was scatter brained about remembering them)
having a back up method seems easiest. That way you don’t have to pressure him into a talk he’s not ready for yet and things can happen gradually 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks, I may do that.
But he hates condoms, he finds them incredibly uncomfortable which is why I wanted us to have a discussion about it.
I am generally the kind of person who likes to have a plan and know what Im going to be doing so this is hard for me! But maybe it is good for me to learn to be more spontaneous!
Post # 7
@Loupyloo: I agree with others. As long as your clear about the fact that you are not taking the pill anymore, you should leave it up to him for a while. While it’s nice to have a plan, TTC doesn’t always go as planned anyway it might be nice to start off slowly.
Post # 8
My DH is often absorbed with work and it’s tough to discuss things like this. But this is important. What I do is I’ll say to him, “look, I know you’re preoccupied and this obviously isn’t a good time. But we need to figure this out and I want us to both understand the other’s point of view and be on the same page. So can we please carve out time to discuss this at _____ (pick a day and time)?” Usually if I’m that dramatic about it, he’ll realize it’s important and that he can’t just put it in the back of his mind. Gives him time to gather his thoughts too, and then we can talk things through and have a more productive discussion. So maybe try that?
Post # 9
you don’t need a plan 🙂 enjoy just making it happen!
Post # 10
@Loupyloo: It helped me to talk to DH about when he wanted to have babies. We talked about this before the wedding, then about a year into it because we both knew that we wanted to wait a few years. It really helps to bring the topic without putting too much pressure. I noticed that the more we talked about it, the more it became part of our coversation and not as foreign. Best of luck!