Post # 1
I got married in December 2013. We had a surprise wedding at a venue (we told everyone we were getting married at the courthouse earlier in the day and then were having a reception). It was a really cool event and people loved it. I had minimal issues while planning so it wasn’t too bad. There were a few things but nothing too major. I was still very relieved when it was over.
At the time my husband was really sick with the flu and was getting over it at the time of our wedding. He had a lot of joint pain from the illness. He told me a few days ago and the only thing he really remembers about our wedding day was how much pain he was in! Why would he say that in front of me? I tried to make it an incredible memorable day and he goes and says that?!?! I have also been a little disappointed with our day because of how bad the photos are. They are so bad that they have pretty much ruined the whole day for me too. I know that it isn’t about the wedding itself; it’s about the marriage. Ours is fine so that isn’t an issue. It just upsets me that he feels that way. I know he didn’t feel good that day at all. I even offered to postpone the wedding and he said no. Now I wish I had. It was a rainy day and my hairdresser screwed up my style and overall I looked gross that day. I realized how bad I looked in my dress after I saw the photos. I vaccumed sealed it and threw it in the back of my closet. When he told me how he felt I didn’t try to hide my disappointment and anger. I can’t stop thinking about it. I try to stay positive but it’s been difficult. I wish I could have another wedding day :(. I feel so petty about this but at the same time I feel like I deserve to have a good wedding day experience. The fact that we got some of our photos back does not help matters at all for me. It is just a constant reminder of how our day didn’t go as planned. I thought it was a good wedding until I saw the photos and my husband made that remark. We also couldn’t go on a honeymoon either which also has added to my disappointment.
Any advice on how to deal with this?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I can’t really tell you how to deal with it, but think about it from the other point of view.
What if you were recovering from the flu on your wedding day? I bet one of the things that would stick out to you would be how badly you felt. I doubt that’s the only thing he remembers, but if he was really so ill, it makes sense that he’d remember. And the reason he remembers how bad he felt was because of the fact that it was his wedding day. I’m sure he remembers the exciting parts too – but men are different creatures than we are. Don’t take it personally. I think you are getting more upset about this than you should based simply on your own personal dissatisfaction with the wedding. I mean, he said it to you because you’re his wife, and he should be able to tell you how he feels about anything…
Best of luck feelign better about the situation. I am sorry it was not how you dreamed! 🙁
Post # 4
bluebride7: Please don’t be upset with your H for being honest with you. In a relationship, it’s a wonderful thing to know your partner can share anything with you. It sounds as if you both have unhappy memories, but those memories are about the ceremony. The important part of the day is that you married the person you love! Please let the disappointment go, and instead maybe you can plan a vow renewal in the future. Will you be able to take a honeymoon anytime soon? That might be a great de-stresser! *hugs*
Post # 5
“I mean, he said it to you because you’re his wife, and he should be able to tell you how he feels about anything…”
WRONG!! Wrong, wrong, wrong. You’ve made the mistake of thinking this was their day. The day they commit to taking on the world together. The beginning of their shared experience until death do us part.
In actuality, it was the beginning of many, many – many – years of ‘I don’t give a crap buddy! I’m sorry/not sorry that shit ain’t so hot for you right now but don’t you dare rain on my pretty princess parade! Keep that shit to yourself!’
Post # 6
Stop dwelling on the past. If you were happy with how things went before it makes no sense to mope and complain about it now just because of some offhand remark from someone who was in pain (!) on that day.
Your post makes you sound selfish and entitled. You will be much happier if you shed both those traits.
Post # 7
I don’t get why you’d be this upset about your husband being honest with you. He was in pain…but he sucked it up and got married, because he loves you and wanted to marry you.
<br />Yet you just want to dwell on the fact that he honestly told you how he felt and your hair was bad..(?!)
Post # 8
I’m sorry to hear things didn’t go exactly as you planned on your wedding day. It sucks to work so hard for so long putting together an amazing event, only to have it not quite turn out 🙁
The best thing you can do it put it all behind you and maybe plan a bitchin’ vow renewal for your 5-year anniversary (or sooner!). I would totally be down to go to a “wedding do-over” for a dear friend or family member who felt that their original wedding wasn’t all it was cracked up to be!
Post # 9
bluebride7: I would remember the feelings that made you decide to marry each other in the first place and how felt after saying your vows and knowing that you were actually married. Try to focus on the emotional part of the day, not the physical (hair issues, bad pictures, joint pain) and maybe that will help.
Also, if you to go an a vacation or a delayed honeymoon, maybe you can find a beautiful place to repeat your vows to each other, so you’ll have a more recent, good memory.
Post # 10
bluebride7: It’s always difficult when things don’t go as planned, wedding or not. However, imagine how disappointed you are about the photos ‘ruining’ the day for you and then think about how, for your husband, being in a large amount of physical pain, detracted from the wedding. He didn’t hate it, regret it… nothing. He just remembers how much pain he was in and shared that with you as his wife. He should be able to tell you those things and have support or comfort.
Post # 11
interchangeable: thank goodness some people can see past the ridiculousness on this site.
Post # 12
Seriously . . . have a little compassion for the guy. Not everyone has the dream wedding. (I didn’t.) So what. It’s way better to have the dream marriage.
Post # 13
bluebride7: What’s done is done — you can’t undo it. You can stop pouting about it and having it affect your present.
So, you didn’t have an illness plan, a rain plan or an awesome photographer. Why not decide to have a happiness plan and awesome photographers for the future?
Pouting, throwing things, etc. when your DH shares his feelings may make him less likely to be open with you in the future. Think about what that might mean for your marriage in the long run.
Post # 14
I think you’re probably upset bcause your husband was brave enough to voice how he felt and you’ve been holding it all in! He’s an easy target though because who else are you going to be mad at? Mother Nature, your hairdresser, the photographer? Instead of being upset about your feelings being hurt, maybe consider that it would be nice for your husband to be able to express his feelings without you making it about you (when all along you’ve been feeling down about it too). Imgine how good he would feel if you said,
“you know, I just looked at the pictures and there are several thing I’m disappointed about too. I’m really sorry you don’t remember much, because it was a lot of fun…but what’s important is that we’re spending the rest of our lives together and someday we’ll crack up when we tell peple what happened.”
Believe me, I have been right where you are, and I have learned to listen, really listen, to my SO without involving my own feelings. Try it! 🙂
Post # 15
[content moderated for snark/personal attack]