Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
And they are all here, in our tiny house. It started out as game night, but now it’s an entire day. We’re talking 12 pm to 1 am. EVERY Saturday. He says they have no where else to go and play, he says they NEED the whole day, etc… Me, I’m butthurt because he will have standing plans with his buddies every single week, but not his wife. He acts like I’m invisible when they’re over and they are loud, smelly and generally leave their garbage everywhere. I have grown to absolutely hate it.
They are nice guys, they really are, but they are a bunch of bachelors who have no clue that come Saturday, I am tired from work, I like my quiet house, I want to hang out at home, watch tv, clean, live in my pj’s, whatever. Husband and I are married, and I think that Saturdays should be for us to lounge in bed, run some errands, go for lunch, etc…
In an effort to compromise, I asked him to have them come over later in the day instead. They’ll still get a solid 7-8 hours of gaming time in, and he and I can actually spend some time together on Saturdays. He gave me attitude, telling me “okay, I’ll tell them YOU don’t want them over so early.” Am I so wrong? I don’t get why it’s such a big deal to have an ENTIRE day with friends.
Post # 3
I’m all for people in relationships having their own time to hang out with their friends but that seems extreme. I mean there are weekends where I’m gone a lot and don’t see my husband too much but those aren’t all that common. I really have no advice, other than trying to play matchmaker. Maybe if some of his buddies have SOs game day will become a little less frequent.
Post # 4
Wow, like PP I’m usually all for guys having guy time or couples having time separately with their own friends, but this is extreme. Not only because it’s every Saturday, with what sounds like no flexibility, but also because it puts you out.
At a very minimum, your husband needs to cook, clean in advance, and clean up after. You shouldn’t have to do it. But even more reasonable, he needs to buld some flexibility into this. And he needs to be your team member, not blaming you for a change in the schedule.
I’m irritated for you.
Post # 5
You’re not being difficult–That is a LOT!
I’d definitely keep pushing starting later, or trading off who hosts these all-day events. Cleaning up after them every weekend isn’t a weekend–It’s an unnecessary chore!
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
Okay I am glad to know I’m not overreacting. He sees it as only one day a week, but it’s an entire day. Nothing comes before game “night” unless it’s an emergency. I got mad at the lot of them last night when I was up in the loft watching a movie and couldn’t even hear it over their yelling (with headphones on) so this morning the house was spotless… Normally there would be cans and wrappers left in the living room.
It does put me out. We have a small home and the living room is the centre of it, so when the living room is packed, I’m pretty much ostracized. I try to stay out of the house, but there’s only so much I can do on a Saturday night, short of going to the bar by myself. Yesterday I went to my mom’s, did some shopping, went to the gym, and came home and made dinner and took a long bath. By then it was only 8:30… I don’t know, I think it’s really immature behaviour.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@sherryberry: Is this something you knew about him before you married him? If so, it should have been addressed then. If you dated him with the understanding that this is the normal Saturday schedule then you agreed to it by marrying him. If you had no idea this was the arrangement before getting married then you have a major argument here.
However, I do agree with PP that if this is the way he is going to spend every Saturday then he will be responsible for hosting his friends. He will clean up before they come over and after they leave. He will also be responsible for any food/drink preparation he and his friends require during their gaming sessions. You will leave the house (time to find a new hobby) or retreat to another room to try to enjoy some peace and quiet.
AND one Saturday per month is NO GAMING. That is not unreasonable. The Western World will not fall if they can’t game one Saturday per month OR they can crash at someone else’s house/apartment. But my guess is that nobody’s girlfriend (or mom) will allow these gaming sessions to go on in their homes so you got suckered somehow.
Post # 9
@sherryberry: WTF?! It’s half of your weekend, every weekend! That would not fly with me. You were willing to compromise far more than I would have. I wouldn’t want a standing day of several hours of gaming (or anything else) in my home. Every other weekend sure but this is nutso. He’s being a jerk.
Post # 10
This might not be the most mature thought but what about making a plan with your girlfriends to come over on a Saturday? It’s only fair that you get to have your friends over one Saturday if he gets to every other week! It could mix things up at home and break the every week cycle of the guys coming over. Maybe if you and your friends are loud enough and if they hang around long enough he will get the picture…………. 😉
And for other weekends, get tickets to something a few weeks in advance and make him commit!
Post # 11
your husband sounds immature and selfish, IMO. And the way he puts the blame on you, UGH, is he 17? This is a substantial chunk of every weekend spend “hosting” other people. I would be tired too if I were you. You deserve the relaxation/peace time and you are NOT overeacting. Tell him to grow up instead.
Post # 12
@BrandNewBride: +1. The same person shouldn’t host every week, and I don’t think every Saturday should be spent without your partner anyway. Choosing games over your wife sounds immature to me.
Post # 13
I would be pissed. Your wife is supposed to come before your friends, and definitely before video games. I understand the need to have fun and blow off steam, but 12-1am is 13 hours of gaming. That’s too much. Are you planning to have kids in the future? Is daddy going to be busy all those future Saturdays?
Post # 14
What seriously??? You need to have a serious Come to Jesus Talk with your DH. I’m irritated for you!! Your husband needs to be spending more time with YOU not with his buddies.
Spending an entire day EVERY SATURDAY with his buddies gaming and what not, every time at YOUR house, instead of spending time with his wife, is absolutely ludicrous. He needs to man up and be a partner in your marriage, not a little boy hanging with his buddies all the time. He’s not a bachelor anymore, he got married, and that comes with responsibilities…and his buddies and their game night/day should NOT be coming before you and your needs, wants, expectations, feelings. You marriage is more important and his actions/decisions to constantly host and hang with his friends every saturday are putting a big strain on that.
I second whomever said that this is probably happening all the time at your house because their mothers/girlfriends/whomever don’t allow it all the time at their houses anymore. Other people put their foot down, its time you do the same thing.
Post # 15
Fi and I have standing game night with his family every Saturday, I don’t host it and it’s not all day but I still get tired of it. He knows damn well that if I say I wana skip we skip. Usually about once every 5 or 6 weeks. Its ridiculous that you have to plan our entire weekend around them. He’s acting like a bachelor with his wife hiding in a diffrent room, its wrong. And I’m mad he’s throwing a fit about them coming later because I would have gone straight to saying they could only do it every other week, I think you were too nice and he was still an ass! Sorry girl but you 2 need a good sit down and he needs to figure his shit out.
Post # 16
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. Your husband is married to you now and while couples can have separate social lives, this is extreme and rather disrespectful.
Ask your husband if he can have his game nights once a month instead of every week. This way, you are compromising and he can’t say that you don’t want him to see his friends at all. Let him know that you expect him to clean up as well.
It might be helpful to tell your husband how much you want to spend time with him, relaxing as a couple and being affectionate. If I was in your situation, I would try to entice my husband with promises of hot lovemaking on Saturdays. That would certainly get his attention; my husband would always choose to make love to his wife over anything else.