Post # 1
Ok…so I was surfing the internet today and happen to stumble across an advice column where a wife (black) was seeking advice about how to handle her husband (white) using racial slurs towards her when they are intimate. Now, being that I am in an interracial relationship myself (I’m black, SO is white), I was immediately drawn to this. However, the more I read it the more laughable it became. I mean, it reads like something out of a movie, but it is also like a train wreck you can’t tear your eyes away from, so naturally I kept reading. 🙂 I am appalled that people are still behaving this way in 2013. Do people still really act this way? I mean like, in real life?! I am really at a loss for words. But in the midst of me thinking that this was just beyond crazy, I remembered that this is a real person with a very real problem and I started to think what would I say to her. And the truth is I really don’t know. What advice would you give to her?
Post # 3
I call fake on that letter.
Post # 4
@geekspice: Really? You think so? Is it because it is just so unbelievable? lol Because that was my first inclination. I thought, there is just no way…
Post # 5
I have always been in interracial relationships and have had men in my past call me racial slur in bed. It put me off and had me wondering does he really feel that way? Well, it is not hard to see that they are ex’s because I think if you are in an interracial relationship the last thing you need is to wonder if he really sees you as a black slut.
My now FI is such a gentlemen he doesnt even raise his voice let alone call me out of my name. He is very aware of how other men view race in interracial relationships “so call pet names” and he just shakes his head at some of the things he has heard men say.
Post # 6
I honestly think it sounds like a habit he picked up which he needs to try to stop using. It would be the same if he’d dated a woman who liked to be called “slut” and “bitch” and “dirty” in bed and he got into the habit of doing so.
What is done under the sheets is private and separate from normal life. I don’t think that there is anything inherntly wrong with what he is saying (in this context) BUT the problem is that she doesn’t like it. And if both people in the situation aren’t ok with something then it needs to stop.
More than likely that language just really turns him on but he hasn’t been able to admit it yet so that they can come to an agreement as to whether he can use it in bed.
I have to wonder how honest and open she has been about how hurtful and how much of a turn off she finds it.
Post # 7
Um what? That is so weird. No way….
Post # 8
This sounds totally fake. Like this little “habit” wouldn’t have come up at some point before the wedding? Bull. An ass who wants to use that word will use it before the ring.
Post # 9
Yeah, I don’t think I believe it’s a real letter.
Post # 10
I hope this is not real; I would expect much better caliber people to develop from the blessing of an ivy league education. However, unfortunately this is not a unique situation; I remember Dr. Laura being kicked off the air after an altercation with a black woman whose husband let not only his friends, but aquantainces (sp?) make racist comments around her. Unfortunately, sometimes two people get together as result of a fetish (this is not just exclusive to interracial or intercultural couples either, it can go from only dating blondes to being a “chubby chaser”). When one crosses the line from attraction to certain traits to fetishizing someone based on their traits, you don’t care about the person anymore, you only care about “things” about him. If he’s calling her a N____er B___ch, making comments about her bodily features, she needs to reevaluate that relationship ASAP.
Post # 11
- Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.
Honestly, it could very well be real, though, the situation is a bit odd. Two friends of mine, a white girl and a black guy, dated and have a daughter together. There have been times where she has called him a nigger to his face when they fought.
Post # 12
I am part black (maybe 1/4) and i appear to the public as a colored woman due to my complexion. My FI is as white as you get. If my FI ever called me a chink bitch, a nigger bitch, etc. That would be the last time he ever sees anything having to do with sexy time with me ever again! Unacceptable to me.
If this is a real letter, she needs to read him the riot act. I’m surprised that this would have only come up after the wedding, though…
Post # 13
She’s with him for his money…I guess you get what you pay for.
Post # 14
Its hard for me to believe that’s real. My SO is white and never would he even think it let alone say it. MissFormaldehyde – I couldn’t be friends with anyone that would dare let a racial slur slip out of their mouths.
Post # 15
After reading the article, I don’t think it’s fake. It sounds like she is genuinely embarrased by her situation and she doesn’t know how she let it get that far. I am in an interracial relationship and my SO and I always JOKE about our differences. But we understand one another and love each other for who we are. I think how you handle it depends on your individual rela. I have always dated outside my race and honestly you do have to be careful that the guy you fall for is genuine and not just in it for some “fetish.” I personally think that race is something that obviously can’t be hidden and I don’t believe anyone should just act like the differences dont exist. But in my relationship we are not up tight about it. We make jokes and enjoy learning about the differences in our cultures.
Post # 16
Clearly someone who does not understand there are lines you do not cross, even in the name of kink.
If she doesn’t tell him, its on her. The fact that he even has it IN him to think its hot or something….well, ya. I’m at a loss on that one.