Husband wants to conceive ASAP but is against charting?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Husband thinks charting will become an obsession and wants to stick to opks. What would you do?
    Chart secretly anyway. It can't hurt. (if this is your advice, how do I temp without him knowing?) : (15 votes)
    10 %
    Give him a thorough lesson in what charting achieves, maybe he just doesn't understand. : (51 votes)
    34 %
    TTC with just the OPKs, you haven't even tried yet to know if your cycle is weird. : (73 votes)
    48 %
    Avoid Charting! It is an unhealthy obsession! : (13 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Mrs.Metalm:  I’d try not charting for now. If it’s taking longer than expected, then you can always re-visit. But if you’re the type to get a little carried away with these sorts of things, then I can understand wanting to keep it more low-key, if possible. And, as you said, he’s the one who’s got baby fever, so if he doesn’t want you to chart, I’d say don’t do it. If you were really gung-ho about it happening now, it would be a different story. But give it a try the old fashioned way for awhile and you can always take up charting if you aren’t getting pregnant.

    Post # 4
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Mrs.Metalm:  My DH was also iffy about charting but mostly because he didn’t understand. We tried a couple months without charting and using OPKs and nothing came out of it and he saw that how frustrated I was not knowing if/when I ovulated so I decided to bring it up again (never got a positive OPK). (I actually bought my thermometer then spoke to him lol) I explained to him that I get more frustrated not knowing what is happening with my body and it would actually calm me down. He agreed and told me to do whatever I needed to stay sane… Now, it did keep me sane but I really think that this depends on your personality. Charting may or may not help. I say, speak w your DH and let him know how much you think charting would help but tell him if you see that you end up getting anxious/obessive then you will re-evaulate and perhaps stop.. Good luck! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    13019 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Assuming you sleep next to him, I don’t know how you would hide charting from him.  Also do you already have a BBT?  They are a lot more accurate than a regualar thermometer.  The temp shift is only about .5 deg.  I charted from the beginning and I’m glad I did, cause over a year later I’m still not pregnant and I have all that data to help paint a picture of what’s going on.  (Long irregular cycles here).  If you just want to time sex right, the OPK should do the job, but if you need to confirm ovulation, you’ll need to chart or get blood test a 7-9 days after the postive opk.  I don’t really think it’s an obsession, if I wake up late, I miss a day, not a big deal.  I’ve actually gotten lazier with and and just start about a week before I think I’ll ovulate (so around day 18 or so) and then stop after a clear temp shift and always have missing days.  It’s not that big an obsession imo.  I’d just talk to him and explain to him what info youre looking for if you really want to do it.  Otherwise, try just the OPKs for 2-3 cycles and then revisit if you’re not preg by then.

    Post # 6
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Mrs.Metalm:  My initial thought was to chart and just not tell him but after I re-read your post again I’m not so sure.

    TTC can be a long and frustrating process. Sex can start to feel more like a chore than making love. DH and I ended up conceiving a couple of months before we were officially going to start “trying” but our trying was not going to include charting at first either. I know myself and I know I would have just obsessed over it and made it not fun lol. 

    I think I would listen to your husband’s concerns right now and not worry about temping. If a few months go by and nothing is happening maybe you guys can revisit the issue and he’ll be more open to it. Good Luck! Hope you get your bfp quickly and don’t even have to worry about it 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    2042 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Mrs.Metalm:  I would use FF and track CM and use your OPKs when you are getting close to O according to FF.  You already bought them so you might as well use them.  The rest can wait. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I’m not sure why it’s any of his business if you are trying to understand your own body better. It’s not invasive to him and really none of his concern. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    @Mrs.Metalm:  While I have never TTC before, I am torn on this. Part of me says, it is your body/health/fertitlity, and you have a right to educate yourself on it and understand your cycles/ovulation better. You doing it really is NOT his decision to make. However, you are married, so deciding on it TOGETHER is a good idea.

    Now, I think it would be appropriate to discuss this further and try to come to a compromise. Perhaps you two could TTC without charting for 4-5 months and then start charting after that if you don’t conceive. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable if my husband “told” me I couldn’t do it. I would be fine if we came to a reasonable conclusion after actually discussing it thoroughly. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1472 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    DH got overwhelmed with me during the TTC process. He was fine with charting (although he didn’t really want to know about it, because it felt forced, but he was supportive, and after-the-fact, wanted to know all about it), but at one point (in, oh, our 2nd cycle TTC), I got pretty obsessed with trying different things, and I think I really took the fun out of it for him. Luckily, we got pregnant that cycle, so my obsession didn’t grow 😉

    I think you should give yourselves a few cycles before getting wrapped up in charting. I thought it was fascinating and learned a lot during the charting process, but it did put a lot of pressure on DH.

    If you have trouble getting positive OPKs, or have some other reason to think you might not be ovulating, then go ahead and chart, but for now, I’d skip charting and just have fun with it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3989 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Jess1483:  +1

    I think you should also give it a couple of months before diving head first into all of that craziness.  It really is a process and it can be tiring on your SO as well.  Try having fun with it first – because really that’s what a large part of it is about.  Don’t let the stress of it consume you from the beginning.  And maybe stop calling it menses for a while….that could lighten things up to start!  🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Mrs.Metalm:  Here is what I would do, based on talking to a whole bunch of friends with a whole bunch of conception journeys, plus the advice of my OBGYN. I would put away the OPKs and the thermometers for a few months. See if it happens on your own. Most females I know got pregnant in three months on their own. If it doesn’t happen, then look to charting and OPKs. 

    My friends have said that TTC can slowly start to take over your life if everything becomes about trying to maximize your cycle. My OBGYN believes the stress won’t help anything and for most people, having sex every other day from the end of your period to a week before your next period will get you pregnant. If it looks like you need more help, then the OPKs and temping can really help.

    Post # 13
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Maybe you can compromise and agree to not chart for a 2-3 months (or whatever) and then if it hasn’t happened to go ahead with charting.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7997 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I would tell him you’re still going to do it, but don’t talk about it. I think that’s a fair compromise.

    Honestly, I’d probably just do it the old fashioned way for a few months to start with, but if you really want to do it, I don’t see the harm. I think your husband knows you well and is just looking out for you… he’s not trying to be controlling or anything.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Charting just verifies that you ovulated.  Getting a positive OPK does not guarantee that you are going to ovulate.  Try to explain this to your DH.  If hes still against it, compromise by telling him if you dont get knocked up right away you will start charting during your 4th cycle.

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