Post # 16
hafh2016 : Im not making a claim to it. My husband and his brother are into guns big time and now its more like their family heirloom which happens to have a connection to me, so I would rather he give it to our kids. Him not getting this simple thing is what im finding insensitive which is making me feel like he doesnt really care about my feelings.
Post # 17
lleello : He’s a bit too into his family and specially a little too doting on his brother. He always goes out if his way to do extra for him and I have never minded it until now. I feel he’s overstepping and choosing to ignore my feelings. His brother just wants it because its a beautiful 100 year old gun..
Post # 18
I need to it add to my original post that we’ve been going through a rough patch lately mainly because of my inlaws. He basically runs their family business, with his family doing the bare minimum, since his father passed away. Everyone enjoys a luxe lifestyle mainly because of him but still keep guilt tripping him and he doesnt like me interferring which adds to my frustration. Im not making any claim to the rifle, its a beautiful 100 year old rifle and is now their family heirloom which my husband inherited and it coincidentally has a connection to me . My husband and his brother both love guns and own a few each so why not keep it for our kids. Im hurt that he could have atleast thought of it in that light.
Post # 19
It will still be in your family. His brother is your family. He’s not pawning it or selling it on ebay (both of which is his right to do though). I think you are personalizing this too much and letting your feelings about his family in general cloud your judgment about this.
Post # 20
I think what is bothering you most is the fact that it’s not sentimental to him, and the “story” behind it just doesn’t carry weight with him. Even if he kept the gun, it still wouldn’t change the fact that he doesn’t have the sentimental attachment to it that you do. As PPs have said, it’s his to do with as he pleases. You’ll have many other things to pass down to your future children.
Post # 21
tasha16 : Have you told him that it bothers this much for you? I think he should at least hear it before making final decision (move) to actually give it to his brother.
Post # 22
I would not be ok with this.
Typically when FI and I have an argument that we’re both head strong on, we talk about it in our counseling sessions. Having a third party weigh in is helpful because we both listen better.
Technically, it is his to giveaway. But he should be more sensitive to your feelings. He’s putting his brother’s feelings over yours. And that’s not cool.
Post # 23
UGH! I TOTALLY get where you are coming from and I would be pissed/hurt too. Unfortunatley, it technically IS his to do what he wants. That said, if he STILL would give it to his brother after you told him how you felt, I think he is a giant asshole.
Post # 24
I’m with you. It’s “tehcnically” his to do with as he wishes I guess, but if my husband ignored my feeling and gave an item that has sentimental value to me away to his brother jsut cause he liked it, I’d be pissed too. Even just the fact that it was my great grandfathers, nevermind the history of how it kind of came back to you, should be enough for him to consider my feelings on the item. If he gives it away, he is just saying that he cares more for what his brother wants than what you want imo. Not cool if you ask me.
Post # 25
I see it both ways. Your uncle gave it to your now husband before he was your husband and you were even together. If you had never gotten together he would have given that gun to his brother. So in that case you have no claim to it.
But you got together, got married, and then you assumed the gun would then follow in your family line (ie children). I feel like men don’t understand sentimentality very well. If it means a lot to you, I would try to explain more about why you want it to stay within your family line so you can pass it to your children. And if your husband doesn’t see it that way, I don’t know if there is anything you really can do because your uncle gave it to your husband before you were together, so I’m sure he figured that the gun wouldn’t stay within your family line.