Husband wants to give away family heirloom to his brother

posted 1 month ago in Married Life
Post # 19
1316 posts
Bumble bee

It will still be in your family. His brother is your family.  He’s not pawning it or selling it on ebay (both of which is his right to do though).  I think you are personalizing this too much and letting your feelings about his family in general cloud your judgment about this.

Post # 20
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think what is bothering you most is the fact that it’s not sentimental to him, and the “story” behind it just doesn’t carry weight with him. Even if he kept the gun, it still wouldn’t change the fact that he doesn’t have the sentimental attachment to it that you do. As PPs have said, it’s his to do with as he pleases. You’ll have many other things to pass down to your future children.

Post # 21
533 posts
Busy bee

tasha16 :  Have you told him that it bothers this much for you? I think he should at least hear it before making final decision (move) to actually give it to his brother. 

Post # 22
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would not be ok with this.

Typically when FI and I have an argument that we’re both head strong on, we talk about it in our counseling sessions. Having a third party weigh in is helpful because we both listen better.

Technically, it is his to giveaway. But he should be more sensitive to your feelings. He’s putting his brother’s feelings over yours. And that’s not cool.


Post # 23
1863 posts
Buzzing bee

tasha16 :  

UGH! I TOTALLY get where you are coming from and I would be pissed/hurt too. Unfortunatley, it technically IS his to do what he wants. That said, if he STILL would give it to his brother after you told him how you felt, I think he is a giant asshole.

Post # 24
13804 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with you.  It’s “tehcnically” his to do with as he wishes I guess, but if my husband ignored my feeling and gave an item that has sentimental value to me away to his brother jsut cause he liked it, I’d be pissed too.  Even just the fact that it was my great grandfathers, nevermind the history of how it kind of came back to you, should be enough for him to consider my feelings on the item.  If he gives it away, he is just saying that he cares more for what his brother wants than what you want imo.  Not cool if you ask me. 

Post # 25
4899 posts
Honey bee

 tasha16 :  

I see it both ways. Your uncle gave it to your now husband before he was your husband and you were even together. If you had never gotten together he would have given that gun to his brother. So in that case you have no claim to it.

But you got together, got married, and then you assumed the gun would then follow in your family line (ie children). I feel like men don’t understand sentimentality very well. If it means a lot to you, I would try to explain more about why you want it to stay within your family line so you can pass it to your children.  And if your husband doesn’t see it that way, I don’t know if there is anything you really can do because your uncle gave it to your husband before you were together, so I’m sure he figured that the gun wouldn’t stay within your family line.

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