Husband won't let me quit my 2nd job and don't know what to do :(

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Aquaria:  You need to look out for your health, and having both of these jobs is absolutely crushing. You need to quit one and soon. If he doesn’t understand why after you explain it to him, something’s wrong.

This is more important than money. It sounds like this could be your relationship in the long run. 

Post # 4
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well, it depends on why you need the job.  If you quitting means you can’t make rent/mortgage payments, or your vehicles are going to be reposessed, then you really don’t have an option.  If it’s a matter of not having money for those “extra” luxuries, the it’s worth having a talk and seeing what you’re both willing to give up in exchange for sanity.  I’ve been there, at my worst I was working 60 hrs a week plus being a full time student.  It’s not fun, but if it’s necessary, then you learn to function.

Post # 5
Member
8910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Aquaria:  What century is your husband living in?  “He forbids it”?!?  You are your own individual.  I agree with PP, unless you desperately need this job to pay your rent or car payment or something, it’s YOUR decision.

If you explain to him how utterly exhausted and unwell you feel and how you can’t physcially keep this up, and he still “forbids it”… I’m not sure what to say.  I’m sure there’s a lot more to your husband than this, but this does not make him sound like a very good or supportive partner.

Post # 6
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Aquaria:  Like @MariContrary:, I wondered what the circumstances were behind you and your DH both needing to work so much. Sometimes, as much as it sucks, you just need the money. If it’s a situation where your lifestyle is too extravagant, look for places where you can cut back, because having nice things is NOT worth killing yourself over. If it’s a debt situation, maybe you and your DH can sit down and figure out some realistic goals for when you’ll have the debt to a more manageable point and will be able to quit the second job. I agree that this sounds like you can’t go on like this forever, but it might make it more palatable if you know there is an end date that you are working toward.

Hugs – I’ve been in the two-jobs-no-days-off situation before, with an hour-long commute to boot. It makes you nuts. People really do need downtime. I hope you and your husband can figure out a solution that will get you down to a more manageable workload soon.

Post # 8
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Don’t you have a budget?  I assume you would have done one before you bought your home to make sure you can afford it.

Post # 9
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

If part of the conditions of getting a house was that you’d work a second job for a while, or said you’d contribute x amount monthly towards it but can’t without the second job, I’d wait until you get those bills in first.  I think we need more on your story of why you took on the second job before being able to comment appropriately.

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You need to learn to communicate with each other as a couple about money. Neither of you should be telling each other what to do about money/work. Forbidding you from quitting? The last I checked, women aren’t property anymore. And a dining room table is a necessity when you buy a house with a dining room.

Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lolot:  THIS.  My husband went through this situation in one of his jobs.  His boss was awful, there was a lot of stress, and it was affecting his health.  The first thing we did was figure out 1) what he was going to do after he quit and 2) could my income sustain us.  As soon as we figured those things out, he quit.  I would have never told him he couldn’t do it.  If our income couldn’t sustain us, then he would have picked up a side job for a little extra cash (he actually went back to grad school full time instead of part time, and finished his master’s in one semester instead of three, and we were able to live on just my income without taking loans out for living expenses).

Post # 12
Member
8910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I would make a budget, if you don’t have one already, so you know how much you need to spend on mortgage, bills, groceries, etc – plus spending money.  

Each to their own, but I would rather (and do) buy stuff off Craigslist than have to work 7 days a week to afford new furniture or a giant flatscreen!  Obviously we don’t have enough info here to judge or really help much, but it seems like you should be able to reassess your spending and stick to a tighter buget so you don’t have to work like a slave….

Post # 13
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Aquaria:  you should be able to do what you want. Unless your bills require it for you all to get by- he shouldn’t tell you not to quit. I cannot stand my second job but fiancé would never tell me to keep it.

Post # 14
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would tell him to piss off and quit my job.  Seriously, if this is a SECOND seasonal job and it’s having a negative impact on your health and well-being, you need to get the heck out of there. 

Post # 15
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

That’s terrible. Someone who loves you should care more about your well-being, health and happiness than $. It’s not like you’re going to quit working altogether. And did he really ‘forbid’ it? Because that is way too controlling and archaic IMO.

Post # 16
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@lolot:  

+1

When I read that, all I could think was “He won’t let you quit? He won’t LET you? He won’t WHATTTT??!!

The last time I checked, this was the United States of America!

 

 

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