Husband's Comments About Appearance Affecting Sex Life

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@mimi123:  I don’t think he is exhibiting loving, healthy behavior.  You deserve unconditional love and respect.  Would he talk to a therapist about his views of women and their bodies?  It sounds like he has some critical and unhealthy views.

Post # 4
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This post makes me so sad. Frown The next time your husband insults your appearance, tell him that likewoah is gonna come kick his ass with her unshaven legs.

 

It’s important to take care of your body, but it should be for yourself, not because your husband is part of a culture where men have ownership of our bodies.

Post # 5
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

If you can’t be open with your own husband or wife, then who? It does not sound like it is coming from a hurtful place, he really is just trying to help. It is not like he is calling you a gross fatty.

Post # 6
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mimi123:  I believe a man should love his wife regardless of how she looks..yes most of the time initial attractI have been in relationships like that before and I just didnt feel beautiful or good enough…I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with him…tell him how he makes you feel and that you arent his trophy wife for him to show off all the time…love is loving everything about you, natural beauty and all…I have been lucky enough to find a man who actually prefers me to wear sweats, sneakers, no makeup and hair pulled back rather than a tight dress and high heels…its good if he compliments you when you do get dresses up but he should also be attracted to you when your dressed down…sit and talk to him…maybe he will realize how hes hurting his wife and not say hurtful things to you…hope everything works out

Post # 8
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ugh, I’ve been there!   It definitely does make you really not want to have sex with said person. He even wanted me to have silky feet. Also, ask him if he is going to foot the bill for all this rediculous crap; that shit costs money!  I never nitpicked the man, either. He even wanted my small tattoos removing until he realised the cost. This guy also wanted me to look like Neiman Marcus on a Dollar Tree budget.  The man even wanted me to be  gorgeous when OLD!  He had articles of 60-90something yr old women who were beautiful.   The thing is, these women had LOADS of money, and were celebrities. 

 

This is also the main reason I am not fond of porn.

 

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

He sounds very selfish.  While he think these might be ‘helpful tips’ that would make you feel better about yourself in the long run, it doesn’t sound like he is mentioning these for you, but for him.

I don’t really have much advice on how to convince someone to be considerate, but you know the saying that you get more flies with honey than vinegar?  Maybe tell him bluntly what you’ve said here– his manner of suggestions aren’t helpful and aren’t encouraging anything but resentment.

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mimi123:  im so sorry you’re dealing with this. He’s no being very kind or loving. Would you like me to send him a picture of my 2 week hairy legs to show him he should be grateful for yours?!  Don’t let him wear you down – stay strong and confident and don’t be afraid to tell him how he is making you feel.

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can understand if you were letting yourself go and gaining loads of weight or wearing a pair of shorts with a meatball stain on them…but it seems like you are just being a normal person..who has time to shave every single day? It gets cold and grows back sometimes if you are spanish like me! my fiance constantly tell me im a natural beauty even when i look like ive been hit by a hurricane! I think your husband is like a lot of men in america who look at celebrities and think that is realty..they have whole teams constantly plucking every hair,preparing their food,doing their makeup,making them run and weight lift. I would tell him how unreasonable he is being. I mean it is sad you just got married and feel if you are not dressed he is sizing you up and inspecting. Im so sorry you are going through this.

Post # 12
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mimi123:  Is he a Virgo? Lol. It sounds like a Virgo man.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear this. But you need to tell him it’s really causing an issue with your intimate life. Usually when ppl pick they can’t look at themselves, so I would also suggest couple’s therapy to move through this. 

Xo

Post # 14
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@mimi123:  I think it would be good to go before things get worse.  I am someone who believes that is is best to actively pray for, protect, ams nurture your marriage.  He may not realize how damaging his words are to you.  Maybe with the help of a therapist he can come to understand what hurts you, you can come to understand what he is looking for, and he can evaluate whether or not his views about women and their bodies are healthy.  Good luck honey! My heart goes out to you.  I was very sick last week, and I felt so blessed that my fiancé loved me and accepted me sick and ugly.   

Post # 15
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

@Schrodingers-Car:  it is if your not doing anything about it. No seriously not enough information here.

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