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I thought I'd get away with not having to deal with this because in laws are a 4 hour flight away. I went into labor 2 weeks early, and although MIL was NOT there during delivery, I was still pretty annoyed that she changed her flight (which was not going to come in for another 16 days). Her flight arrived just in time for her to come into the delivery room about 45 minutes after my son was born. Although I have a decent relationship with her, it was annoying that we only had 45 minutes of "new family alone time" before she just barged in (without even asking if I was okay with it). She was there while I was getting cleaned up and being moved from the bed to the wheel chair. I was NOT happy about her seeing me in that condition and was definitely not happy about the fact that she kinda just barged her way into such a private family moment. yes, I realize she is family too, but I just really really wanted time to enjoy my new son before "sharing" him with others. Might sound crazy, but that's how I felt. Obviously I still harbor some resentment lol! In retrospect, I should have made it more clear to DH that I did not want visitors right away!
I don't have a problem having everyone in the waiting room coming to see us as soon as we get cleaned up and bond for a few, but my FSIL did have her mom in the delivery room (she wanted me in there too - eek! but luckily I was out of town for a wedding when she went into labor), and whenever she talked about having more grandchildren she would not so subtly mention how nice it was being there for the birth. I nipped that in the bud and immediately said, "Well, just so you have advance warning, I won't even want my mom in the delivery room! Just DH, everyone else can come in after I'm not so exposed and in extreme pain." So when the time comes she can't act surprised.
@Okole Maluna: I would have been pissed about that. Yikes.
I have a feeling my MIL would LOVE to be in the room as soon as possible, but I plan to lay it all out there from the get-go. No peeps in the room besides me and DH during delivery, and we will let everyone know as soon as we are cleaned up and ready for visitors.
I'm expecting my first baby in April, and while I am planning on me & the hubs being solo during delivery, my inlaws did ask if they could come to an ultrasound. My MIL works at my dr's office though so I guess they felt more comfortable asking. They have not asked to be in the delivery room though! Could NOT handle the additional stress of that! The anticipation of awkwardness was the worst part about having them in on an ultrasound. It ended up being a nice moment to share with them and wasn't nearly as weird as I had imagined it would be. I have amazing inlaws though.
@Okole Maluna: I think your feelings are completely justified here. I'm sorry you had that moment ruined :(
@Mrs. Louboutin: Oh my gosh! You're soooo close! I bet you're ready, huh?
My MIL wouldn't make it out of the delivery room alive. She gets on my nerves so bad hahaha... For her protection I would deny her entry to the room.
Do hopsitals ask you beforehand when visitors can come in? I can't imagine hospitals allowing anyone who wants to just barging into a room in the middle of a delivery. Isn't that part of the birth plan (when and who can be in the room during that time)? Please excuse my dumb question, I've always wondered this and was sort of banking on being able to tell my doctor who I want there, in case someone tries to come in and they can't? With all the releases and HIPPA stuff nowadays I'm surprised that people can just "come in".
My in-laws stacked out the hospital when my SIL was delivering. They waited out there while she took over an hour to try to go to the bathroom after delivery. This is information I feel I shouldn't know, but since they invaded, everyone knows the details now! This is my biggest anxiety as my due date approaches. I am hoping I deliver in the middle of the night, but I did use the experience to discuss with DH what will make me anxious and delay labor. SIL let everyone know as she started labor, I will not be doing this as MIL suddenly felt awful and it became about her and her anxiety. I keep telling everyone the baby won't expire and its still me doing the work so back off. I wish I lived further away and closer to my mom.
I absolutely want DH and my mom in the delivery room. Because I know my mom will be there, I'm willing to offer my MIL to be there if she would like as well (although I don't think she'll want to be in the room for the delivery).
Helllll NO! That is an extremely personal and vulnerable experience that I do not wish to show to everyone. It will be DH and possibly my mom in the room during delivery. DH has said he will purely be a 'shoulder coach' b/c these things get him a little queasy lol. My mom is an ER nurse who worked for years in the NICU so I'd want her there just b/c she knows what is going on and has seen it a thousand times before. I'd rather her help me than some random nurse. But to each their own! A friend just delivered and was inviting anyone and everyone to come in and 'see'...I passed lol.
There will be absolutely no one in the delivery room with me besides DH and my midwife or OB. I'd rather my husband not even be there to tell you the truth. He's going to be fighting fainting/throwing up the whole time and will probably be no help at all!
I used to always say HELL NO when thinking about whether my MIL would be in the room with me during delivery.
I'm very close to my mom, so I think I'd like her to be there. No final answer on this yet, because now that I'm pregnant, i mentioned it to my husband and he was surprised I'd want anyone else in there. So we're still deciding.
BUT if we do have my mom in there, then I would definitely consider having my MIL in there. I read on one of these boards that someone said "What if I have all sons? I would love for a future daughter-in-law to allow me to be in the room to witness that miracle." And I agree. If I have a daugther, I hope we'd be close enough that she might want me there one day. And if I have all sons, I wouldn't want that taken away just because I had sons. I would hope that maybe, just maybe, a future daughter in law might want me there or invite me. So I'm softening up about it, and thinking about maybe having my MIL in there too.
I dont even want my parents in the delivery room. Only my husband. I dont think we will tell our parents that I am in labor until the baby is about to come, that way by the time they get to the hospital the labor would be over. we'll see how it goes.
I'm only going to have DH and maybe my best friend in the delivery room. I do not want our parents there during delivery. Maybe the early parts of labor, yes, but once it gets serious, I do NOT want them in there. They're more than welcome to hang out in the waiting room! :)
@HopingToBeaMama: My MIL only has sons, and I'm considering offering letting her be in the room for that reason...she's never had a chance to since she doesn't have a daughter.
But her and I are also very close, so it wouldn't be too weird. I'm also not sure she would WANT to be in there. The other family member from his side I'd consider asking is my SIL (DH's brother's wife), who I'm really close to, and is a nurse to boot.
I'm actually iffy on my own mother. I love her and we're close an all, but only through texts/emails. I've only seen her once in the past 4 years, and that was for our wedding. I worry it might be awkward for both of us.
I think I'd fine with having my family and my MIL present for labor hours...but not for pushing and immediately afterwards. I haven't spoken with DH about this at all yet. I really doubt my MIL will want to be in the room for any part of my labor (we get along great, I just don't think she'll want to be part of that intimate time).
My husband and I have been discussing this lately, as I am 6 months along, but I'm still not sure how it will play out. I used to say that whoever wanted to be in there could be, but now that it's real, I just don't think I want to be put on display.
That said, I think it would be fine for my MIL, SIL, sister and mother to be in there for labor, if they wanted, but I'm hoping my husband will come around to the idea of it just being us when I'm actually pushing. He's really nervous that he's going to be completely useless once it's go time and prefers someone else be there to help him.
I think we might just play it by ear, though. Let people come in for a while during labor and see how I feel about everything. I might not want my mommy to leave when things get tough!
Nope, just me n him. There will probably be enough people in there who need to be without spectators! In laws are great, but tbh his mum is such a worrier it'd be very hard on her to be there, and it would take hubby's attention off me cos he'd be worrying about her as well! Lol that might've sounded a wee bit selfish, but dammit it's the one time nobody else counts, I think! Me and the babas and hubby, full stop!
The only person I would ever allow in the room with me (other than the medical professionals) is my DH. I am extremely close to my mom and sister and also have a wonderful relationship with my MIL whom I love dearly, but none of them will be invited into the delivery room!
Fortunately, we don't really have to worry. We live in Australia - DH's parents live in England, and my parents live in the US, so there's not a chance any of them being there. We will call both sets of parents after the baby is born (not during labour as they're both massive worriers and will be going crazy not knowing!) and then my mom will be booking a last minute ticket out to come visit about a week later. I don't think DH's parents are going to come down right away - we'll probably go there a couple of months later.
I also am fortunate in that neither my mom nor my MIL have any desire to be present for delivery - mom has made it clear to me for years that labour is "NOT a spectator sport" in her words!
Not a chance in hell. Seriously.
Obviously FI will be in there and I am considering my Mom. She's my best friend, but I'm just so uncomfortable thinking of what she might accidentally see. (No one but doctors are to be "down there" when it's time. No way. Not even FI.)
@soyjoy222: Yes, they technically ARE supposed to ask. I take full responsibility for not putting my own foot down on the matter. I did not want to deal with drama/hurt feelings during the first hour of my son's life. I made the decision to indirectly grant her permission simply by not objecting (at that point, I was exhausted/thrilled/groggy).
Based on my experience, I would just say to tell your family/friends/inlaws that what you agree to now may definitely change when the time comes (I wish I had done this so I wouldn't have to feel guilty if I decided I didn't want visitors).
As for the MIL who only has sons scenario....my MIL is in that exact scenario. DH and I knew each other over 10 years before we got engaged. I thought/think his mom is awesome and we have a decent/good relationship. When I went dress shopping, she was invited. When I picked invites, I gave her a say. Wedding planning--she was involved and I included her. When I got our first ultrasound pics, I asked for an extra copy so I could send her one in the mail. When I flew home to see my family and do a fun 3d ultrasound, I invited her. I did this all with the exact mentality of "Well she doesn't have daughters, I want her to be a part of things so she doesn't feel 'cheated'" Unfortunately, this has backfired on me and now (especially that my son/her ONLY grandchild is born) she has just assumed that it is now her "right" to have access to him anytime she wants (She asks for daily picture texts of him/Facetime chats, etc). Yes, yes, I know. I need to put my foot down. I'm just saying it can be difficult to set restrictions/boundaries when you previously had none.
A friend gave me the best advice ever about this situation: What you allow/don't allow with parents/inlaws early on will set the tone for the REST OF YOUR LIFE dealing with them! Choose wisely!
NO!
It will be years before my FI and I have a child. But I am a very private person. At least in that way. I hate it when my gyno has to look at me down there for my yearly exam, let alone a family member or a family member of my FI's!
When one of my FSIL's delivered her baby, I found out that my FMIL was in the delivery room and her daughter, my other FSIL. WHen I found out, I told my FI right away that no one will be in the delivery room, but us, when our time comes.
And we're not going to tell anyone when I go into labor. They all can wait. Obviously if Im with people and I go into labor, they will know, but they will be sworn to secrecy.
Crazy? Maybe, but from what I hear giving birth is not easy at all. SO y would I want more people in the room during a very painful and private moment?????
Nope, just my future hubby and I.
Not TTC anytime soon, but I really don't think I'd want my FI's family in there. I probably just want it to be me and FI but mayyyyybe my mom too. We'll see when the time comes! I'd feel bad asking my mom and not FMIL.
I have told FI that I only want him in there and that he as my permission to ruby tackle anyone to the ground that doesn't listen to what I want.
End of story. =)
We're a few years out from TTC yet, but I know my answer. Hell no.
Mr.ND, yes. My mom, maybe, if she's not too hyped up. And once it's time for the real deal, then it's just me and the Mr., and he locks eyes with me. No one sees that party portal other than the baby and the doctors.
When I had my first son, I thought I would like having people in the room during labor. As soon as the pitocin really kicked in and it hurt, it wasn't fun anymore! We already knew it would only be Dh and me for the delivery, but I was grateful people ended up leaving me alone for the most part. My parents and DH were there until I had the c-section, and when I had surgery, it was just my DH. When we first saw our LO, it was so amazing, and such a bonding experience. I would never want anybody else there. Also, we have had 3, and each time it has been so nice to have those moments with just us. Oh my!! Just thinking about it makes me want another one!
I'm about 10 weeks along and my MIL has already made it a point of telling me that my SIL had her in the room when she had her first 12+ years ago. I was pretty surprised by this because SIL and MIL do not have a great relationship but SIL is not close to her own mother and she was only 22 when she had her first so I think that's why it happened. Needless to say, I let MIL know that I do not intend to have anyone else in the room with me besides DH. When I told DH about the conversation he was surprised that I wouldn't want a bunch of people in there. Um, what?! I think he just wants to share the joy wiht everyone but he doesn't have a clue yet what it takes to actually have a baby. That's what childbirth classes are for I suppose :)
My husband will be the ONLY one (besides my midwife and whoever else needs to be there) watching me deliver. That is a moment I want to just keep between he and I, to be alone and take in what we created for a while before the chaos of friends and family. Plus I know our families pretty well and they aren't the types to want to be in the room anyway.
with DD it was my DH and my mom for the whole thing, before delivery I had my sister and BIL, dad and MIL and sisters in the room hanging out which I didn't mind, when it came time for delivery (and when they checked me) everyone went to the waiting room and I think my dad hung outside the door bc he was worried but couldn't see anything. I would never invite MIL in bc it's a very open experience and didn't need her seeing everything, also she can't even handle being in an ER with the littlest thing without having anxiety so it prob wouldn't be a good idea, this time around it will most likely be the same scenario and after I get cleaned up and bond for a little then everyone can come in. I also fear c-sections but if anyone does have to get one then your bf/FI/DH is the only one allowed in anyway :)
When my brother and SIL had their first daughter, her mother, sister, my parents and myself were in the big private room until it came to push. We left when the doc checked her etc. She had an epi so she felt fine. When it came time to push (for 3 hours) we were allowed to sit outside the door, and on a bench at the end of the hall. I felt awkward, and just sat in the corner quiet. We were out of town at my grandfathers funeral when my second niece was born, but we were all welcomed to be there for her arrival if we had been in town.
When FI and I have children, we have discussed this, I dont want a party. I am fine and encourage my parents and Fi mom to be out in the hall or waiting room, and come in for short visits. But I think that it is a special time and I dont need to be worried about having them hear or see something they shouldnt. We have talked about having my mom in the room, a nurse, but I am undecided. Will make that decision when the time comes.
When the time comes, I don't want anyone in the delivery room other than my husband. He's a paramedic and an RN so he's seen plenty of babies being born before. His mom has been at the birth of both his sister and SIL's babies but I'd feel uncomfortable having her there. I wouldn't want my mom there either.
No way. I only want DH and myself in the room. IMO, it's a bonding experience for you as a couple and as parents. I not only wouldn't want his family there, I also wouldn't want my family there as it's such a personal moment. I am extremely close with my parents, but I firmly believe it's not their place.
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I'm not pregnant and hopefully I won't be for a few more years to come :) But I was wondering if any of you ladies have ever had any issues with your husband's family members (MIL, SIL, etc.) wanting to be in the delivery room with you??
I personally would not be comfortable with my FI's family watching me during such an intimate and private moment, but I know some people don't understand that side of it and I know some people whose mothers-in-law in particular feel as though it's their right to be there (could be a cultural thing??)
So I just wanted to get your stories!