Husbands feeling "left out" during pregnancy

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This sounds less like him wanting to be involved, and more like he wants to be in control. No way would I be okay with my DH telling me to look up a meal plan, or having him fill out MY medical forms. If he wants to be involved, there are plenty of books he can read. He can start a registry, look up a childbirth class that you can take together.

Post # 3
4043 posts
Honey bee

AnonymousCupcake:  I agree. 

OP, how is he in general regarding your relationship? Does he try to control other things? 

This is something you need to figure out though because if this is leading to fights during pregnancy, it could get worse once your child is born. How to raise a child can be a hot topic of debate!

Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry but this screams controlling not left out. thats all well and good if you both want you to eat healthy for baby but it’s not always possible. I lived off French fries and burger king chicken sandwiches my first trimester and my baby is perfectly healthy. 

The medical forms thing is just odd to me, sorry. he didn’t think you were doing it up to his standards?! No, just no. 

I think you guys definitely need to get to the bottom of his issues sooner rather than later. This is just gping to get worse as time goes on and especially when baby arrives. I’m pretty sure I completely neglected my husband for a good 3 months postpartum because I was focused on nursing and keeping baby happy, and sleeping every chance I could.  If you’re having fights now, it will be compounded when you are overwhelmed with a newborn and completely sleep deprived. We have an easy baby, didn’t have any “issues” beforehand and there have been trying times between us and we are only 7 months in!

Post # 5
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Miss Mochaccino:  Can he find a happy medium- like cooking dinner with you and going to appointments with you?

As others have said- it does sound rather “controlling” vs “being involved”.

I consider my husband to be involved in my pregnancy.  He has come to every appointment he has been able to- and if I ever really, really want him to go to a particular one, I can give him a heads up to take off if work.  He accompanied me to 3 ultrasounds, as well as a few of my weekly injection appointments, and 2 regular OB appointments.  He listens to me when I need to vent about a pregnancy related issue, makes food with me, goes and gets foods that I am craving, and shops for baby stuff with me.  He’s interested in what stroller we get, and is sleeping on the sofa tonight because he’s sick and doesn’t want to get me sick.  I consider him quite involved.

Him filling out MY forms would be more time consuming, and unnecessary IMO– although if I asked him to do it, he would.  

The day he starts dictating food to me is the day he can take an extended vaca LOL– although this has mostly passed, my food aversions were incredible for the first trimester.  I went from being mostly carb free, to only be able to handle carbs.  If I even LOOKED at fruit or veggies (which I normally love)- I would want to vomit.  I ate rice tacos from Chipotle for a week straight– and ate what my body would allow me too.  

My diet is a happy medium now– I eats tons of broccoli and chicken, salads, and definitely the occasional burger and fries.  


It sounds like your husband needs to be the one to try and understand what needs you might have right now, and try to “involve” himself the appropriate amount– which is mostly to be supportive and a good partner.

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  .
Post # 7
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Okay, I feel conflicted between thinking your hubby is being a jerk and feeling bad for the guy. Having a baby is a huge major change in life – maybe his way of dealing with the change and anxiety is trying to get control over the situation, in whatever weird way that means to him. I spent a huge amount of time researching the most RANDOM baby products while I was pregnant because it made me feel like yes, I was getting prepared, everything would be okay (diapers, detergent, baby soap were sooooo important). Maybe try to redirect his attention towards preparing for the baby’s arrival – have him research strollers or baby monitors. But then it also sounds like he doesn’t actually want to do the legwork (he can fix those file folders his damn self), and that’s not cool. Also, the food part is absolutely laughable. Have him talk to some women who have been pregnant. I cannot tell you now what is going to seem delicious or vomit inducing 30 minutes from now. And if the only thing I can stomach is french fries, then DH’s job is to get me those fries.

Post # 8
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


Miss Mochaccino:  it seems to me that he used to be the center of things, at least in his mind,and now the fact that YOU are the one pregnant with a baby, the focus has shifted. It’s no longer about him and so he’s finding ways to make it about him or his way. He needs to back off and start focusing on his role in this, which is to support you and to prepare himself for fatherhood. A meal plan? filling our YOUR forms? jesus. I would be irritated beyond belief.

Post # 9
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Miss Mochaccino:  Has he read any pregnancy books from the partner perspective? 

I gifted my husband with “Dude You’re Gonna Be A Dad” and “The Expectant Father” when we found out. 

As far as the things that he requests you to do, but they’re not your cup of tea, so you tell him that if it’s so important, he is more than welcome to do it himself, but he doesn’t have time. Maybe let him know that you both don’t have the time, so if something is really important to him, rather than requesting you to do it in addition to everything else you’re doing, to come up with a game plan that involves both of you without being too taxing.

Snack prep at the beginning of the week can be something that he helps with so that he knows you’ll always have nutritious snacks available?

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