Post # 1
So I’m a bit confused,
My husband’s college friends are getting married pretty soon and we haven’t received an invitation. It’s a bit odd because eventhough we haven’t seen/hung out with them since our wedding in March, I don’t feel like we have gotten that out of touch either. I don’t know if the invite was never sent, or was sent but got lost in the mail, or if they just forgot about us.
But what adds to the confusion is, I think this couple may have gone in last minute on a gift for us from a group of my husband’s friends. There was never a card that went along with the gift, so I’m a little unsure about exactly how many people are in on the gift. And there is no way to track because we didnt register for it. Plus they gave it to us after I sent out all of my thank you notes. So from this combination of things.. we kind of never gave this couple a thank you note. And now I feel horrible and think maybe this is why we are not on their guest list.
But now should we send them a gift? I’m confused on what the etiquette is here?? Also, was it absolutely horrible of me that I never gave them a thank you note?
Post # 3
I don’t think you need to send them a gift if you’re not going to the wedding, and especially if you’re not invited to the wedding. Their present did make it hard for you to give a thank you note, and I wouldn’t worry about that being the reason you’re not invited to their wedding.
If you really want to go to the wedding, maybe your husband could ask whichever college friend he is closest to to find out if you were invited? It might be a little awkward to ask the couple directly, but if a mutual friend can find out for you that might work. Or you could just wait and see if they contact you as the wedding date approaches. If they think you got an invitation, they will probably contact you a couple weeks before since you didn’t rsvp.
Post # 4
You are under no obligation to send a gift for a wedding to which you haven’t been invited. It’s a nice thought, but I can’t imagine anyone would expect one.
I actually received a wedding gift from a friend I did not invite to my wedding…and it made me feel awful. Why? Because I already felt bad about not being able to invite everyone I wanted to (due to cost contraints). We pretty much kept the guest list to just family. Getting a gift from her only made me feel that much worse about her not being invited.
Post # 5
I agree with others. I wouldnt send a gift that just makes things akward.
Post # 6
Gifts aren’t obligations or payback, they are . . . gifts. They’re something you give to people because they are special to you and because you want to give them something.
If you want to send them a gift, send them a gift. They are still your friends, right? Maybe the wedding’s small and they couldn’t invite everyone.
Post # 7
If they left you off their guest list because of a missing thank you card… well, I think that’s pretty petty. Which makes me think that’s probably not what happened. 🙂
They might just be having a small, family affair. But, if they’re having a big blow-out, and it’s weird that you’re left off the list (and other contemporaries are not), then have a friend ask the bride or groom. I did this for a friend’s wedding, and it turned out that she my invite to my old address and was wondering where my RSVP was.
As for a gift – if you feel like giving them something, do it. We received gifts from friends who were not invited to the wedding, and really appreciated them. However, our wedding was across the country and we invited very few people from where we live, so it wasn’t really awkward like it was for pp’s.
Post # 8
Thanks for weighing in guys! Yeah it is weird to me because my husband is part of their circle of friends who were all invited to our wedding and these guys (except my husband) are all invited to this couple’s wedding. It’s true that we haven’t seen most of these friends lately because he’s been working overtime and weekends a lot. Sooo..Hubby just got a phone call from one of the guys about the bachelor party to which he also hasn’t been invited. This friend was pretty shocked when he heard.. Yes, they are definitely still friends. We think.. haha! Unless we did something wrong we don’t know about. Well I guess we’ll wait until after the wedding and send them a little something with a card.
Post # 9
Get them a gift because you want to get them a gift.
No, they did not leave you off the guest list because of a lost thank-you note.
See if you can figure out through the grapevine if you were intended to be invited. The friend who called about the bachelor party might be just the guy–a casual “Hey Groom, I called X by mistake–I didn’t realize you weren’t inviting him!” is fine–and either he’ll freak out or he’ll just say, “Yeah, those two didn’t give us a thank-you note, so…” 🙂