- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’ve been reading these boards since I became engaged in May 2012, and have gained so much valuable knowledge through advice given to others. However, now I feel like I could gain some insight on my situation.
I had a miscarriage in December. I was 10w2d when I started spotting, and had my first ultrasound for the pregnancy to confirm it a few days later. My baby measured at 9w1d. I waited to pass it naturally, nothing happened. I tried two doses of misoprostol, hardly even any cramping. Finally, I decided to go in for a D&C on December 19. I felt a prisoner in my house for those two long weeks of waiting, scared to leave in case I passed it while I was out, and unable to function because I was so consumed with losing my baby. It was also getting too close to Christmas, I needed to try to be able to move on.
I was devastated, crying all the time, feeling guilty if I smiled or had a good day. I am still dealing with some of these emotions, but am functioning and trying my best to move forward. My husband has been incredible. He supported me with coming to appointments, giving me time to talk and cry with him, bringing home a bouquet of roses, and being very patient with me. I don’t know what I would have done without him as I went through the miscarriage.
Last night just before bed I asked him, “Do you still think about our baby?” He replied with a quick, “No, not really.” I just laid there, shocked. I replied, “Really? Why not?” He told me, “Cuz I know we will get pregnant again and we will have a baby, hon.” I didn’t want to start a fight or question his thoughts, because I know every one grieves in their own way, and are entitled to that. So I just said good night and that was that. This morning though, I can’t help but keep thinking about it. Yes, I know/really hope we will get pregnant again in the near future, but what about our baby who will never be here with us? I am not over losing him or her, and I don’t want to ever forget them either. I think about it all the time. I am putting one of the dried roses from the bouquet DH bought me in a shadow box as a memento and reminder of the baby I had and loved so so so much already. I just feel sad that DH seems “over it” already.
Does anyone else have experience with this? I don’t necessarily know what I am hoping to gain from writing this, maybe just some insight as to how others have coped?